Impending baby/insecurity

[Ado]

Hi all
Im new to this forum but not relationships!!. About four months ago I met a wonderful, sexy and lovely woman. We fell in love pretty early on. Im 36 and she is 35. About 4 weeks ago, I went on a three day surf trip with the boys. When I came home, she sat me down and told me she was pregnant !!! (with my child)
She expected me to freak out but I am actually super excited, as she is. Although it was an ‘accident, we have accepted this into our new relationship. We, have good professional jobs, and have our own houses. I am so happy about the prospect of raising a family with her. I know it will be a tough road at times but I am realistic about that and hopefully we will work it out as it goes.
The thing is, whilst im a very confident guy, I am BiPolar which sometimes rears its ugly head and makes me a little insecure and neurotic. Now that I have found what im looking for, im scared of it all falling apart. And with a baby on the way, its even more distressing. Thankfully, these moments don’t last long and I lknow that my partner cares for me. But I find it hard sometimes to just let her have her space without thinking that maybe she doesn’t want me anymore or is sick of me.
I don’t want her to think I’m overly insecure ( I realise that we are all human and we are insecure at times) because I don’t think its healthy for a relationship. How do I go about improving on this.?? Or is it just the added pressure of impending father hood and all that entails?
Cheer
Ado

[vashti]

Well, to answer your question, insecurity is pretty common, especially with such a new relationship. However, people in the depression-mode of bi-polar have a tendancy to ruminate on things more than is healthy, which leads me to ask: are you on medication? Does this woman know about your medical history?

[Ado]

Hey matey,Thanks for the reply.
To answer your questions – yes she knows im BiPolar and yes ive been on medication for about 5 years. Im not depressed, at least not in the Bipolar sense (and I should know) but just a bit scared of losing her even though there is no indication that its on the cards. I suppose you are right and that its early in the relationship and I think we are still establishing boundaries and such. I just hate feeling insecure and all clingy. Now that a baby is on its way, the stakes have just been raised I suppose. Ive been so hurt in the past and have lost a house/dog/etc in a previous relationship and she knows this. Maybe its just nerves. I hate feeling like a green horn 16 year old and not like a mature 36 year old man. Maybe love makes us all crazy, whatever age!

[vashti]

You need to talk to your physician about the fact that you got this girl pregnant. Certain mood stabilizers are associated with health problems for the baby, although I believe the risk is worse if the mother is taking them.

[DharmicLove]

Okay lets be realistic here. I dont want to put any thoughts into your head, but first, I would recommend, before you become totally ecstatic over this baby, that you get a paternity test. By the way you told this story, something smells fishy, like an outside septor tank.

[Gigabitch]

You're going through the totally normal stage of "Ack! I'm not ready for this!" that we all go through when faced with the enormous responsibility of parenthood. I did this too, and I'm not even bipolar. As long as your gf is totally clear about where you're at with this, I think you'll be fine. If she knows where the insecurity is coming from, she'll be more likely to be patient about it. You have to be patient about it too, or you'll send yourself into an emotional spiral.

You do have to understand, though, that she is going to be riding a hormonal rollercoaster for the next year or so, so you have to be patient too. I've been through this, and believe me, being pregnant can make you very unreasonable. You simply cannot take it personally.

Maybe reading a book about it will help. I don't know of any, but I'll look into it and tell you if I find anything. Maybe "Why Pregnant Women Are Scary" or something like that.