I think my girlfriend is interested in another guy also

[Iamdifferent]

Hi, I am new to this forum. I need some relationship advice, so I decided to sign up here. I am 28 year old, I got my first girlfriend about 3 months ago, and I never been happier in life. She is 21 years old and a lovely girl.

So here are my worries. About 2 months ago she told me that she was in love with another guy before she met me, but they "betrayed" each other so they never engaded in a relationship. She wanted him, but she said something that hurt him, and since then they had bad contact she told me, and that he moved in with another girl. Well no worries then, I thought. So about 2 months later, and me and her are working great together and I am so happy; I have sensed something weird last week.

It's nothing major, but I can definitely feel that something is up in the air, I am pretty good at this. She isn't as forward when we talk etc, but she still meets me and say nice things, just not like before. I am also always the one initiated our contact by phone, msn etc. I am okay with it though.

So yeah, I was browsing an Internet Community today I know she is a member off, I drop in on her profile and guestbook. And what do I see? Well I see this guy she been talking about that she rarely or never speak to anymore, writing on her wall, saying thanks for something and that it's great to see you again. I was like huh and thought, no please not a bizarre love triangle, I can't take that

It might just be nothing, and I might be paranoid, but I am not sure if I last much longer as her boyfriend if she starts talking to that guy frequently again. Afterall, he seem like a nice guy, same age as her, and looks way better than me.

I am definitely worried. I love my girlfriend, and is really proud to have her. She says she dont like jealous guys, so I am not sure if I wanna lower my chances by asking her about this, plus she will known i sneaked around on her profile (though it is a public profile it is not like i have been into her system or something)

Should I be worried? What approach should I take?

[Mish]

So yeah, I was browsing an Internet Community today I know she is a member off, I drop in on her profile and guestbook. And what do I see? Well I see this guy she been talking about that she rarely or never speak to anymore, writing on her wall, saying thanks for something and that it's great to see you again. I was like huh and thought, no please not a bizarre love triangle, I can't take that

It might just be nothing, and I might be paranoid, but I am not sure if I last much longer as her boyfriend if she starts talking to that guy frequently again. Afterall, he seem like a nice guy, same age as her, and looks way better than me.

I am definitely worried. I love my girlfriend, and is really proud to have her. She says she dont like jealous guys, so I am not sure if I wanna lower my chances by asking her about this, plus she will known i sneaked around on her profile (though it is a public profile it is not like i have been into her system or something)

Should I be worried? What approach should I take?

Maybe it's a good time to start paying more attention to your relationship. Relationships last mostly when there is a connection and good rapport between two people, they find a way to make each other happy. This is why it's so hard to break apart a good relationship, the chemistry of two people keeps it tightly together. Maybe it's time to have a look from a bird's eye view at your relationship and find out what's missing.

I don't think it's a good idea to mention that you've been snooping around her profile and that message from him in itself could be nothing. But at the same time, competition can be a good thing, it can be a motivator for you to outperform the other guy by being a better partner.

Though, on the other hand there is the obvious 7 year age difference. It could be that she is simply not at your level of maturity.

[MadKat]

I am 28 year old, I got my first girlfriend about 3 months ago, and I never been happier in life. She is 21 years old and a lovely girl.

So here are my worries. About 2 months ago she told me that she was in love with another guy before she met me.

So yeah, I was browsing an Internet Community today I know she is a member off, I drop in on her profile and guestbook. And what do I see? Well I see this guy she been talking about that she rarely or never speak to anymore, writing on her wall, saying thanks for something and that it's great to see you again. I was like huh and thought, no please not a bizarre love triangle, I can't take that

Since this is your 1st relationship, i think you better take it easy. Don't put up too much hope into it as for now....
I don't have any good words to say to you but i can throw in some experiences and research/ideas.

- Age different is not a major thing, but recently i found out those born after 1985 are mostly very open. They can be close...very close to the person of the opposite sex. They are just friends though, at least 1 party will think so. You have to live with that.

- She's still young and wants to explore before get herself to commitment. That's why you should take it easy...don't let yourself fall in too deep.

- Most girls like a confident man and especially those types. Confront them, tell them you saw what you saw in a nice manner. Tell her since when this happen and so on...if you not happy with the answer, share it with her, don't swallow it.

- Spare yourself some space of your own...

[Iamdifferent]

Maybe it's a good time to start paying more attention to your relationship. Relationships last mostly when there is a connection and good rapport between two people, they find a way to make each other happy. This is why it's so hard to break apart a good relationship, the chemistry of two people keeps it tightly together. Maybe it's time to have a look from a bird's eye view at your relationship and find out what's missing.

wait what? Where in my post does it say we have a bad relationship? Our relationship is working great, she even says so! It's just very hard to compete with someone who she has been in love with before. I am not totally out of the blue.

- Age different is not a major thing, but recently i found out those born after 1985 are mostly very open. They can be close...very close to the person of the opposite sex.

Yes and they also have a totally different opinion on sex since they're from the younger generation. I see where you're getting at[/quote]

[Mish]

wait what? Where in my post does it say we have a bad relationship? Our relationship is working great, she even says so! It's just very hard to compete with someone who she has been in love with before. I am not totally out of the blue.

I didn't say that you have a bad relationship, I said that maybe it's time to start looking at what might be missing in your relationship. Something missing that might make her act like this. I was using a cue you left in this post

I have sensed something weird last week.

It's nothing major, but I can definitely feel that something is up in the air, I am pretty good at this. She isn't as forward when we talk etc

[Iamdifferent]

I didn't say that you have a bad relationship, I said that maybe it's time to start looking at what might be missing in your relationship. Something missing that might make her act like this. I was using a cue you left in this post

I think it really doesn't lack anything. We get a long great, that I sensed something is that she might finally have the oppurtunity to be with a guy she secretely loved for 3 years. I mean it is hard to compete with a girl's feelings.

[vashti]

You are correct. If she loves him, you are finished. What I don't understand is why you are investing any emotion into a girl who you think loves someone else? I don't think her youth will be working in your favor, either.

In my opinion, you are investing too much emotion into a very short-term relationship. I think you should slow it down. For the record, it is normal for some of the passion to diminish after a while.

[Mish]

I think it really doesn't lack anything. We get a long great, that I sensed something is that she might finally have the oppurtunity to be with a guy she secretely loved for 3 years. I mean it is hard to compete with a girl's feelings.

It's possible that her infatuation with another person didn't really end. I still recommend for you to have a closer look at the relationship as a whole. There's not much you can do about her potential feelings for another person. However it's within your power to fix any holes your relationship might have. Since it's usually these holes that push people away.

If you truly believe that your relationship is perfect and doesn't lack anything, then what have you got to fear? She will either make a mistake and leave you (in which case she doesn't deserve you anyway) or she will accept this perfect relationship the two of you share.

[Iamdifferent]

You are correct. If she loves him, you are finished. What I don't understand is why you are investing any emotion into a girl who you think loves someone else?

but she says she loves me too, should I just give it up? I dont work that way.

[vashti]

There is a lot of gray area between wearing your heart on your sleeve and giving her up entirely.

[Iamdifferent]

I expected more positive replies, sorry guys it didn't help me anything.

[MadKat]

...i bet you will see some different in the following months...
...don invest too much emotion into this short term relationship...
...you will get what i mean when it happened...

positive enuf?

[Iamdifferent]

...i bet you will see some different in the following months...
...don invest too much emotion into this short term relationship...
...you will get what i mean when it happened...

positive enuf?

every relationship starts out short term, I want to build it long term. I am treating my girl very well.

[vashti]

If she loves him, you are done for.

If she is on the fence, however, you still have a chance. You will have to figure out how to endear yourself to her, and honestly, how to do that is very much up to the individual girl's personality.

Don't act desperate to keep her or let her know you are insecure. It would be the nails in a coffin.

[Iamdifferent]

If she loves him, you are done for.

If she is on the fence, however, you still have a chance.

she is definitely on the fence because she say she feel safe with me