Question

[Tommy]

Alot of you have followed my other threads in the break up section.....

We are broken up (after 6 years) and she got a new boyfriend immediately after. Yet even now, she still calls me at least once a week and I never answer? I purposely leave my phone at home so I am not tempted to answer it. She called just after 7 am this morning, and then called again when I was at the gym around 4:30. When I didn't answer she text me and said...

"I guess you don't care to speak to me, and that is fine. I just wanted to see how you were doing. Hopfully all is well "

For verbatim, exactly how she wrote it....

WTF is she doing??????

[Kromat]

Why, ignoring her is something a girl would do, then why is she
doing this? does she still want to be your friend it seems?
It seems like your over her, but maybe she doesn't want to admit it.

P.S. Maybe you should talk to her and explain how you feel and
maybe she'll stop talking to you, If that's what you want.

[Tommy]

Why, ignoring her is something a girl would do, then why is she
doing this? does she still want to be your friend it seems?
It seems like your over her, but maybe she doesn't want to admit it.

P.S. Maybe you should talk to her and explain how you feel and
maybe she'll stop talking to you, If that's what you want.

I'm not over her yet, but I try on a daily basis to do things that make it easier for me to get over her as hard as it is.

Part of me wants her in my life, another part does not. I don't want to be the "go to guy" anytime something is wrong. That's what her new boyfriend is for. That ended the second she dumped me.

It seems even after everything she has done, she may not even be over me? I just need some perspectives

[Kromat]

Maybe she's trying to compare you to
her current boyfriend, and see what's
different, and what she's missing.

It must be hard on you for her to treat
you like nothing happened, this is her
mess, so you'll have to face it or just
keep avoiding it, which I don't know
how easy that actually sounds.

P.S. Best of luck to you, as relationships are
such a tough thing to handle, I don't know
how people make it work, when there's
always someone that isn't satisfied.

[jinx343]

i'll definitely tell her...

let me move on with my life.. so please refrain from calling or sending sms so i could have a chance to get over you. pleazzzzzzzeeeeeee (hehe)

best of luck!

[1averagejoe]

Why, ignoring her is something a girl would do

I'd have to disagree. If he's not over her he's doing the right thing by ignoring her. Continuing to talk and have conversations with her will only bring back those feelings and hurt him more. It's not something just a girl would do. As for being friends after you broke up, that never works. You only end up getting more hurt. With the exception that once you're over her I don't see a problem casually talking though.

Here's all you've got to send her, don't call, just text:

"I'm sorry, but I've moved on and I'd prefer that you not call or text me anymore. Thank You."

It's as simple as that. You're not being rude, but you're being very straight forward and to the point. If she continues it's obvious she's got problems and is unstable still and I'd recommend you continue to ignore her.

[GodsRose]

Why don't you just change your phone number?Then you wouldn't have to avoid her.Hearing her voice has got to break your heart every day.How can you get over her if you continue to listen to her phone calls?It sounds like she is calling you because there is something missing in the relationship that she has with this guy.

[Tommy]

Why don't you just change your phone number?Then you wouldn't have to avoid her.Hearing her voice has got to break your heart every day.How can you get over her if you continue to listen to her phone calls?It sounds like she is calling you because there is something missing in the relationship that she has with this guy.

I ended up talking with her and that's exactly what she said. She said she'd never find a guy like me, with what I have and in her words "it ****ing sucks".

She said I've been her best friend for 6 years and she doesn't want to loose me altogether. She even said she still is in love with me and got sad, I just think there's to much damage caused by my family, that's what caused this in the first place....

It breaks my heart, because being friends with her is hard because I can't be "just friends" even though I want to be, but then loosing her altogether at the same time is an option I can't cope with either...

I just wish shit could be different bleh... Life is hard, no question about that.

[vashti]

I think the way you were handling her before was perfect. If you two are not going to reconcile (fro whatever reason), you need to cut all contact. She is just pouring salt into the wound.

[Tone]

Tommy, same thing happened to me in my last relationship. 3 years together then we break up and about 2 weeks later she has a new boyfriend. 1 year later she marries him. For that whole year though, she'd call me almost everyday... and almost everyday she'd tell me she loves me. Tell me how no one will ever love her the way I do, etc etc, blah blah.

DON'T DO IT - don't make the mistake I did of letting her have her cake and eat it too.

Now, on the other end we are still very close friends to this day. Which was EXTREMELY hard. If you do want to remain friends, while you're not over her yet, be prepared to go through a living hell.

Just remember man there are thousands if not millions of girls out there you can share a deep connection with. It won't be the same as this one, they never are the same, but she is not the end all. Give it some time and you'll get over here and be out meeting new girls.

[bohemiandonut]

But dude it's been SIX YEARS!

Wow.

If you haven't been together for that long why are you so adverse to dating her again? There must be some severe incompatibility issues, right? It's very easy to think about the good times, they are what we live for. But remember this: People do cute shit all the time. Seriously. Cute, stupid, endearing little shit ALL THE TIME. Why do you think so many people like their girlfriends/boyfriends? But for you there is something that this cute-shit-girl is lacking, otherwise you would probably not have to hide from your phone.

Unless what I've wrote makes you angry, and you think "No there IS something between us IT CAN BE BETTER!!!!!" - Than you should probably take Rose' advice and get a new number.

It's been six years.

[Tommy]

But dude it's been SIX YEARS!

Wow.

If you haven't been together for that long why are you so adverse to dating her again? There must be some severe incompatibility issues, right? It's very easy to think about the good times, they are what we live for. But remember this: People do cute shit all the time. Seriously. Cute, stupid, endearing little shit ALL THE TIME. Why do you think so many people like their girlfriends/boyfriends? But for you there is something that this cute-shit-girl is lacking, otherwise you would probably not have to hide from your phone.

Unless what I've wrote makes you angry, and you think "No there IS something between us IT CAN BE BETTER!!!!!" - Than you should probably take Rose' advice and get a new number.

It's been six years.

I should of re-phrased it. 6 years in the relationship. Going on 2 month 1/2 months broken up.

[bohemiandonut]

I should of re-phrased it. 6 years in the relationship. Going on 2 month 1/2 months broken up.

Oh, well that's quite a different ratio there Toms. Allow me to revise my advice. Ahem:

EVADE!!!

[Gigabitch]

She's treating you like a little bitch, Tommy. Don't engage her.

[Tedel]

Maybe she wrote that because she's repented and she wants to see if you are still available. Maybe she's just missing your... ahem... caresses.

The point is that, if it's over, it's over. The reason that make you break won't vanish if you return. You two have already had your try. Try other woman now. Until marriage every girl you date or start a relationship with is part of a learning and discovery process.

Continue your learning and discovery process. Period.