At what point does she become a girlfriend?

[Imsomeones]

A stupid question, but I've recently met a girl, and we've been talking quite often, and I've seen her a few times this past week. We both seem to really dig each other, but my question is, at what point are we dating, and officially together? It's something I would like, should I bring this up to her? Or do I just take for granted that we are both together?

[vashti]

I don't think it's a good idea to assume you are dating exclusively unless it is expicitly stated. It just leaves you open to too many problems.

[Imsomeones]

So next time we go out, I should say something like? How about this - "So, are we on the same level"? or "Where are we at right now"? Or should I just say it this way, "Since I've met you, I don't feel like going out and meeting new people, do you get the same feeling"?

Just not exactly sure which way to bring it up.

[GrkScorp]

I don't think it's a good idea to assume you are dating exclusively unless it is expicitly stated. It just leaves you open to too many problems.

Haha! That's absolutely true.., which reminds me of something our Business law professor told us about acceptance of goods under the UCC..;

"So.., when does acceptance of the goods take place? What are some different ways it can take place? Well.., what if you don't reject the goods? Can we say that just because someone failed to reject.., that they've accepted? (class: yes) Really? Are you sure about that? Think about it.., what if dating was like that.., are you and that girl officially dating now, what's the deal? Well she didn't say we're NOT dating.., so I guess we are.., that would mean that I would have dated almost every girl I took to get something to eat and where she failed to state explicitly that we were not dating.., If only dating would work that way.., but yes.., failure to reject the goods constitutes an acceptance under the UCC.."

The truth is.., dating works the same way.., (sort-of).. just think about it.., you're both smart people.., she's not an idiot.., she knows what's going on.., but she's failing to reject what's going on.., not because she's not capable of rejecting.., but because she doesn't want to.., that's a choice she makes on her own.. to not reject.. (I have a boyfriend.., i'm not ready for a relationship "right now".. in this point of my life.., i'm too busy for a relationship right now.., let's just be friends.., etc)

Similarly.., it's a choice she makes on her own.., to not accept.., because there's nothing to accept.., you haven't asked.., you haven't presented her with an offer for her to accept.., and she has no idea how to make such an offer.., and even if she does.., she wants to feel like a special little girl.., a princess.., aww.., who doesn't have to make an offer.., but such an offer will instead be made to her.. aww.., so her failure to reject may not imply an acceptance.., but it does imply that more or less.., she's waiting for you to make an offer.., so that she can accept..

So.., you just have to make a simple offer..

Best,

GrkScorp

[Imsomeones]

Haha! That's absolutely true.., which reminds me of something our Business law professor told us about acceptance of goods under the UCC..;

"So.., when does acceptance of the goods take place? What are some different ways it can take place? Well.., what if you don't reject the goods? Can we say that just because someone failed to reject.., that they've accepted? (class: yes) Really? Are you sure about that? Think about it.., what if dating was like that.., are you and that girl officially dating now, what's the deal? Well she didn't say we're NOT dating.., so I guess we are.., that would mean that I would have dated almost every girl I took to get something to eat and where she failed to state explicitly that we were not dating.., If only dating would work that way.., but yes.., failure to reject the goods constitutes an acceptance under the UCC.."

The truth is.., dating works the same way.., (sort-of).. just think about it.., you're both smart people.., she's not an idiot.., she knows what's going on.., but she's failing to reject what's going on.., not because she's not capable of rejecting.., but because she doesn't want to.., that's a choice she makes on her own.. to not reject.. (I have a boyfriend.., i'm not ready for a relationship "right now".. in this point of my life.., i'm too busy for a relationship right now.., let's just be friends.., etc)

Similarly.., it's a choice she makes on her own.., to not accept.., because there's nothing to accept.., you haven't asked.., you haven't presented her with an offer for her to accept.., and she has no idea how to make such an offer.., and even if she does.., she wants to feel like a special little girl.., a princess.., aww.., who doesn't have to make an offer.., but such an offer will instead be made to her.. aww.., so her failure to reject may not imply an acceptance.., but it does imply that more or less.., she's waiting for you to make an offer.., so that she can accept..

So.., you just have to make a simple offer..

Best,

GrkScorp

That is pretty nicely said. Thanks GrkScorp. So, I guess I should ask her. I'm sure she is waiting for me to make some kind of move, for me to be a man. Isn't that how a lady would want to be treated? I guess I should take a little responsibility to swallow any doubt of rejection, and just go for it. Well, I don't think she will reject, but I'm not certain she will accept. Whatever happens, I will be sure to update on the situation. Going out some time this week again, so I think it's time to ask the question. Thanks, it all seems clear now.

[GrkScorp]

So, I guess I should ask her.

There's nothing to guess.., the only thing that made me jump off my chair a little as I was reading it was your use of the work "ask".., remember.., it's not a question.., at least not a "yes/no" question.., because that's a question where you think you're being civil and polite by explicitly leaving the "no" option on the table.., you're not.., so don't do it.., if she wants to say "no".., believe me.., she'll say it even if you're sticking a gun to her head.., so.., stay away from "questions".. if it's one thing women hate.., heck.. even men.., so.., if it's one thing everyone hates.., it's "questions".., don't fcukn' ask me where I want to go to eat.., or what movie I want to see.., or if I like you or want to be in a relationship.., i'm too lazy to think.., I just want to relax.., make up your mind and pick.., make it easy for me to just say "yes" to.., and go along for the ride..

(For tips on how to make it "official".., read some of my older posts)

I'm sure she is waiting for me to make some kind of move, for me to be a man.

Uh.., yeah.., she kind of is.., it's good you picked up on that..., she hasn't thrown anything that basically tells you.. (i'm not interested in you.., give up.., and please leave me alone).., and if you're still seeing eachother.., dating.., talking.., etc.., then yes.., she's waiting.., she's always waiting.., for you that is.., so it's always up to you.., to make her incredibly attracted to you.., to make her comfortable with you.., feel safe with you.., trust you.., etc.., and make her want to hear you say that you feel the same way she feels about you.., put a rest to all that doubt she has in her mind.. "I hope he likes me.., I really like him.., I just don't know if he feels the same way.., blah blah"..

Isn't that how a lady would want to be treated?

Ugh.., what a lovely word that rarely truly applies to any woman out there.., "lady".., I believe the only real lady I've ever come across in my life.., has been on this forum.., everyone else would just like to think they're a lady.., and act like what they think a lady is or should be.., and develop a border-line British complex with fake manners and superfluous language to try and "sound" lady-like.., but they're far from it... I'm glad you like the girl.., but just because you like her.., doesn't make her a lady in any way..

However.., as a woman.., yes.., she wants a man.., and she wants to be treated like a woman.., which includes a delicate combination of her primal lusts & desires as a female.., and her cultural upbrining along with the result of parenting & social programming which makes her feel like she is "entitled" to certain things and "should" be "treated" a certain way.. (fcuk guys.., guys don't count.., there's no certain way they should be treated.., and nothing they're entitled to.., these ideals only apply to women.., hence.., you will rarely meet a "real lady".., only "typical women" or "little girls")

I guess I should take a little responsibility to swallow any doubt of rejection, and just go for it. Well, I don't think she will reject, but I'm not certain she will accept.

You don't think she will reject.., hmm.., ok.., then what do you think she will do if she doesn't reject? Go ahead.., take a moment to think about it.., perhaps suddenly turn mute? Perhaps.., but highly unlikely.., with all jokes aside.., she will accept.., gladly..

I'll tell you what i've told a couple of other people here on this same topic..

Do you walk outside your house each day of the week? Yes? Yeah.., we all do.., we all have places to go.., things to do.., but we want to be sure that nothing happens to us.., we want to be safe.. But what if a meteor falls down on us? What if we get struck my lightning? Hit by a car? Mugged or shot on the street? A psycho comes up to us with a needle and injects us with HIV or AIDS? A terrorist attack? Or we just contract an illness or virus of some sort.. Come to think of it.., there's a huge list of things that can go wrong when we walk out of that door...., come to think of it.., why do we dare step outside? Think about that..,

As you're thinking about it.., it's because these risks are so small.., they might as well not be real.., they're insignificant.., and although there may be cases of them materializing.., in probability.., the risk you're taking by walking out that door in respect to all of those is practically zero.. As is the case with rejection.., if you're at this stage.., then fearing rejection is just as silly as being afraid to walk outside the door of your own house because you don't know if you'll make it back alive.., or if lightning will strike you..., But you're not afraid.., now.., you walk out that door with ease.., without a second thought about any of those things..

So.., when you're thinking about her from now on.., or when you're around her.., talking to her.., if you happen to catch yourself feeling uneasy.. or doubtful.., just ask yourself a simple question.., "Did I walk outside of my door this morning? Then what the hell am I afraid of exactly?".. the answer by the way.., is "nothing".., and as you come to realize that for yourself.., on your own.., taking as much time as you need to notice that at your own pace & time-frame.., when you do.., you'll see how much more comfortable and at ease you feel not just around her.., but with letting her know how you feel.., and doing her the favor of letting her know that she's not the only one that has feelings for you.., but that you feel much the same way about her aswell.., that it's mutual.., and that's usually the point where things become "official".., it's really not that complex when you think about it.., really simple and easy.. not a big deal.. There will come a moment down the line when you think back to all of it and think to yourself.., "wow.., isn't it silly how worried I was over this stuff?".. till then..,

Best,

GrkScorp

[Imsomeones]

Thanks again. I'm getting the gist of it now. So, the truth is, that I feel pretty much confident that she is into me. I just have to let her know that I feel the same about her. So, I'm just going to lay it out, and then, smile, and go with the flow, because maybe she does need some kind of assurance. i'm going to read you're older posts now, to see what needs to be done to make the situation official. i completely agree with you, i'm going to stay away from yes/no questions, i see what you mean. i'll get the message across, by being open ended. but i definitely need to let her know how i feel, which is probably the same she feels about me.

man, i just hope i'm not getting played! cos it all seems too good to be true! thanks again!

[Gigabitch]

Well, nobody wants to get played, but I think your situation sounds pretty good. I like your idea about telling her you don't want to see anyone else. That's a clear statement and it tells her exactly where you stand without beating her over the head with your big caveman club. Hopefully, this will elicit a like response from her.

[Imsomeones]

I think so too, im definitely going to spend some time to formulate exactly what i want to say and how before i see her next. time to take some big steps, instead of beating around the bush.

[sticko]

so many ellipses.