Am I too needy? What is my problem?

[frecklesinourIs]

I have been dating this guy for about 4 months now... and we see each other maybe 4 times a week or so. I dont know why.. but I feel discontent when we are not together. For a bit.. his phone was disconnected, not that we ever talk that much on the phone.. we are either together or texting each other... but during that time he would only call me once a day for like 5 minutes before he was off to bed. And just recently he started doing over nights at work so our schedules are completely different.. which has cut down on us seeing each other or even phone contact!

I feel like if I bring up that I want to see him or hear from him more.. that he will think I am being needy. And that fact that he isnt AS needy also kind of bothers me.

I feel like I need constant reassurance in this relationship to be happy... maybe because he has said things to me like that he thinks it is great that he hasnt gotten sick of me, that usually he is looking for outs in a relationship, he also said that he is suprised that when he sees me that he is always still checking me out... these feel like very back handed complements.. but I feel like when he tells me he doesnt mean them that way.. i feel that he thinks this is why we are so great together, but to me it feels like i have to struggle to keep him interested and attracted or i will end up just another one of those girls to him...

When we are together... it is great, I mean, I feel like he adores me. The way he looks at me, the way he treats me... he tells me he wants to move away with me in a couple months if I get a job somewhere far, and he knows that the likely hood of this is very high! So when I think of these things... I know that he likes me... I just dont know why I want to constantly find something wrong, something to break us down or me down. I honestly feel like I am on a tight rope... like any slight move and this will all be over...

[CAM]

You are way too insecure. We're all insecure in our way, but you are way insecure.

[IndiReloaded]

Meditate. Or ask your doc for some drugs to calm you down. You will drive ppl away w/this kind of attitude. Not to mention make yourself crazy if things ever don't work out.

Relax, enjoy. Nothing lasts forever anyway.

[Gigabitch]

You're completely off-balance, and you've got to fix it quick or you're going to fall and when you do, you can't expect him to catch you. He didn't sign up for carrying you through life- he was attracted to you for other reasons, I'm sure.

I suggest you start spending some time committed to yourself every single day- like a dance class or getting a personal trainer. Something to focus yourself completely on you for just an hour. It will really help. You're spending too much time fantasizing about your relationship with this guy and not enough on your own life. Ultimately, this is completely unattractive.

[Mish]

I feel like I need constant reassurance in this relationship to be happy...

It sounds like you need more intimacy in this relationship. There is nothing wrong with wanting to be more intimate. Perhaps, what you really need is a stability of a routine. Perhaps you can discusses some sort of a schedule where you communicate everynight at a certain time. That way you can always be "re-assured" that both of you are still on the same wavelength on regular bases and nothing drastic has happened in the period you two were not with each other. Though don't put it in those terms to him. Say something along the lines of "It's so nice to hear your voice in the evening dear, let's have a chat time on __ at __, this can be our private alone time - wink wink".

But becareful freckles of heading into a teritory of needing someone to be happy. The moment you start to sense that your happiness is in his hands is the moment you should start thinking long and hard about your own self esteem needs and independence. You should be able to be happy by yourself without needing anyone.

[DarkDwarf]

You're completely off-balance, and you've got to fix it quick or you're going to fall and when you do, you can't expect him to catch you. He didn't sign up for carrying you through life- he was attracted to you for other reasons, I'm sure.

I suggest you start spending some time committed to yourself every single day- like a dance class or getting a personal trainer. Something to focus yourself completely on you for just an hour. It will really help. You're spending too much time fantasizing about your relationship with this guy and not enough on your own life. Ultimately, this is completely unattractive.

This is good advice. Anything that you are doing for yourself is good.

[frecklesinourIs]

Well trust me.. It is not like I go around whining about it to him.. that is why I am doing it on here...

The most I do send texts to him to say that I miss him (if i havent seen him for a few days) or that I am happy when he calls... I dont demand that we hang out. The most that happened recently is that he said he was going to come over, but right before he was supposed to leave he told me that he was just too tired.. I did act a little annoyed.. but only cos I had cleaned up my house and got everything all ready for him to come over.. and he didnt. But I told him I understand he was tired from working over nights.. not to mention we live in seperate towns so I cant expect him to "just stop by"

I just dont know why I feel so needy... and I completely agree about doing my own stuff.. I just got another job so hopefully that will help me in pursuing my own happiness.. but I am in this very limbo stage of my life with school, and work.. ect

[misombra]

guys don't like when girls are too needy.

[moonriverlove]

girl, u r soo much better than my situation...

[Mish]

The most I do send texts to him to say that I miss him (if i havent seen him for a few days) or that I am happy when he calls... I dont demand that we hang out. The most that happened recently is that he said he was going to come over, but right before he was supposed to leave he told me that he was just too tired.. I did act a little annoyed.. but only cos I had cleaned up my house and got everything all ready for him to come over.. and he didnt.

Well that's understandable. Personally I don't like it when people commit to something then can't live up to it as well. I find it irresponsible, even flaky.

If above is something that repeats consistently it might mean that he's not really into you.

Does he return your texts?