love can really suck...

[NvrPerfect]

ok well im new to this forum so hi!

Anyways, my love life sucks. like the guys say i have the looks but im just sooo picky with guys! like ive never actually gone out with some1 i really like. like ive had a few dates & stuff but i just never felt it. but when i really do like a guy, they just like me as a friend! so anyways heres my quick soap opera with out some1 getting shot..
I really like this guy that rides my bus.. we're actually really close friends. we like talk ALL the time & pretty much know everything about each other. its like a perfect fantasy..hes so sweet to me & just ignores all the other girls when im around. every1 says were perfect together but he doesnt like me that way! like 1 day my friend asked him out for me when i didnt want her to and he said he just wants 2 be friends.. & it just ripped my heart that nite...i ate ice cream,watched chick flicks,heavy rock, u no the whole deal.. i really thot he wanted me to b his! like all the love quizzes said he liked me,he always txts "i love u",tells me im beautiful, cheers me up when ever im feeling crappy, gives me hugs,ect ect..
I know thats hes not a player cuz he doesnt go out with every pretty face he sees..it just makes me want to scream sometimes cuz he acts like my lover and my Mr.Right then he rejects me!

but ya,what do yall think about this stupid mess?

[1averagejoe]

I think you are young...are you?

[NvrPerfect]

ya im 14..

[lesa]

I am curious. My I ask how old are you? Ah, I was such a late bloomer in dating. I never worried about my "love life" in high school because I had none. I had no desire in puppy love or whatever it is called. I was worried about grades and getting into college and choosing a major. When you get older believe me your love life will become too much for you to handle at times. lol kids these days...I knew I would end of saying things like this now that I am old.

[lesa]

ya im 14..

I knew it.

[Cain]

Ahh... High school romance.

Don't worry about it. Who you are dating in 10 years won't be the same person you date now.

[NvrPerfect]

haha thats what my mom says *roll eyes* i use 2 be like ugh this is dumb if your together in 9th grade then r u really going to b together all the way through college?? probably not.. but it like..draws you in lol...

[Cain]

Most high school romances don't last... because of college.

[Tone]

YOU need to talk to him!

He was probably too shy to admit he likes you to your friend.

Aww isn't that cute!

[1averagejoe]

Aww...she's probably getting those googgley feelings inside. I miss high school, kinda. Ok not really, lol. But anyways, he was probably shy to tell your friend, plus girls being girls, in high school will probably tell all their friends, and their friends, friends, and the rest of the school. So talk to him yourself, tell him how you feel. He probably likes you.

[NeoSeminole]

He most likely told your friend he just wants to be friends with you b/c he didn't want her finding out. Imagine if one of his friends asked you if you love him. I'm sure you would feel uncomfortable.

[GrkScorp]

ok well im new to this forum so hi!

what do yall think about this stupid mess?

I'll tell you what I think.., I think you're secretly one of my exes.., posting here.., because this situation sounds all too familiar..

Let's just suppose for a second you're really not one of my exes.., let's go over a case.., a case quite similar to yours..

Let's call the guy Mai Self.., and the girl.., Mai Ex.., an asian couple.., just waiting to happen.., so they meet each other.., start talking.., blah blah.., they plan their classes together for the following semester.., Mai Self brings his little dog over to college just so Mai Ex could see it.., they go to Central Park together.., and while Mai Ex may have been completely unaware of this.., Mai Self is running compliance & interest tests on her while we're sitting in the park together watching my dog run around and as we're talking about random crap.., a couple of these tests include proximity response.., testing how quickly she moves back if I get "too close".., or if she pulls back at all.., defensive reflexes.., such as.., when I do something harmless like stroke just the ends of her hair.., and ask her if she also uses conditioner or if it's just like this naturally.., and then I stop stroking it.., did she get defensive? did she like it? did she want me to continue some more and was a little upset that I didn't? does she now miss it and want me to do it again.., and again.., and again? (note: would she let someone she wasn't interested in.., do something as innocent as stroke the end of her hair? and let him keep stroking it for a while? and then again? and then again?).., and then.., after getting all the information I needed.., this retard comes in to ruin the moment.., but it was ok.., because I wasn't the only one who felt that way.., which was good in a way.., the next day.., in the cafeteria.., she comes over with her friend (male).., we sit down.., talk.., and then she leaves.., I bought into it so far.., then her friend asks me oh so blatantly and directly.., "Mai Self.., what do you think about Mai Ex?".., (he blew her cover.., at that point.., I realized what she did.., she delegated the duty of fishing for information out of me.., to someone socially incompetent.., who in turn.., only accomplished to give me even more valuable information).., I respond.., "What do you mean? She's nice".., her friend then persists.., "I mean.., would you date her?".., (note: that really is valuable information.., dating.., is at the very core.., a negotiation process.., and information.., especially sensitive information like that.., is very valuable.., and when asked to surrender that kind of information.., a good negotiator would always have to reject.., and protect that information.., i'm sure you agree.., do you find yourself trying to not give away valuable information.., while trying to collect as much information about the other person as possible? I wager so).., Mai Self says.., "Hmm.., I mean.., she's nice.., don't get me wrong.., but I don't see her that way.., I see her more as JUST A FRIEND".., her male friend drops the subject.., (failure to explore more.., as if he was looking for information on my interest in her.., got his answer.., and there's nothing else to ask)..

Mai Self & Mai Ex talked over the phone later that night.., where she didn't sound too happy.., no doubt her friend had informed her of what my "opinion" was.., so I told her that I would be going to Cafe' Avenue.., and that we should go.., she would love it.., it has a sandy/natural kind of feel.., couches instead of chairs to sit down on.., and that they have something I want her to try.., but it's a surprise.., I wouldn't tell her over the phone.., (would you look at that.., how nice I am.., I even fed her an excuse for her to work with.., now she can pretend she tagged along because she was just curious to see what the surprise was).., we sat down.., and she was quiet the whole time.., you could see it in her face.., doubt.., hope.., confusion.., anger.., hate.., sadness.., etc.., so logistically.., she wasn't in the right state to start to escalate for the first kiss.., but funny enough.., she was in the right state to go strait for being official.., which was ok.., because I really did like her.., and that's exactly what happened.., that's exactly what I said.., "blah blah blah.., I really like you too".., and her face lid up.., like medics just brought her back to life with a defibrillator.., she didn't know what to say.., it was a shock.., one moment she had no idea why we were even at this place.., the next moment i'm telling her that I really like her too? (which btw.., implied that yes.., I already knew.., fully well.., how she felt about me.., without having to ask one of my friends to go over there and fish for information).., the following day.., we were on the phone talking.., booked a trip to Philadelphia.., "excuse: to go see a medical museum".., the day after.., we both took a bus.., stayed for two days over the weekend.., and the only time we went out.., was to go see the museum.., "just in case anyone asked what it was like.., hey.., that IS why we went there isn't it? it's not like we went there just for her to get lucky.., right?"

So.., I know what you must be wondering.., "ugh.., so sleazy.., let me guess.., how long did that last?".., three years..

The point is.., be it if it lasts weeks.., or months.., or years.., that's just a matter of how much more you get to know about the person as they open up.., the mistake a lot of younger people do.., and to be fair.., older people too.., is that.., YES.., the dating process is a negotiation process.., and information in both sensitive and valuable.., we don't want to give information about our interest in the other person away.., but we also want as much information about the other person's interest in us.., and guess what.., YOU'RE NOT THE ONLY ONE WHO DOES THIS.., so with this strategic incentive to emotionally defend.., guard.., and protect ourselves.., both people have just limited.., and sometimes.., questionable information to base their choice on.., very rarely will you see one person walk up to the other and say.., "fcuk emotional safeguards.., i'm interested in you..".., even more rare.., is seeing both people who feel the same way.., just meet and express that opinion.., because emotional safeguarding is the dominant strategy..

If it will last.., is actually NOT something you can tell.., until you are actually dating the person.., until the two of you.., are actually in a relationship.., and have explored all aspects of the relationship.., (to state that more explicitly.., sex.., met the parents.., met the family.., know each others' lifestyle).., you may THINK it will last.., and the reason it doesn't.., is simply because you got to discover the person more fully after dating them.., when they open up.., get comfortable.., and their true colors come out (exceptions to this rule for those looking to get married.., but that's a separate topic).., when a relationship happens to work out for much longer or indefinitely.., that's simply because.., there's genuinely nothing "off" about that person.., they may even be better than what you thought they were after they felt comfortable enough to open up fully.. and be comfortable..

Summary: (Due to popular demand.., hate mail.., death threats.., etc.., i'm going to include this section from now on)

- It's very possible that he's just an expert in negotiations.., and in the process of emotional safeguarding.., has done such a good job.., that he has actually convinced you that he doesn't feel the same way you do about him..
- You only really get to know the person.., after you've exhausted all aspects of dating.., prior to a relationship.., there is only limited and questionable information you get to know about someone.., when relationships fail.., it's not because you did a bad job of picking who to date.., but because you simply discovered.., while dating that person.., that things simply could not work out.., it's better if it takes you just 2 weeks to realize that.., as opposed to 3 years..
- You should go talk to him.., and actually start making your conversation a little bit more intimate (no.., I don't mean sexual.., you're too young to be thinking about sex anyway).., just more personal.., to get him to feel that connection with you.., to get him to feel that you're on that same level.., and in doing that.., weave in rather obvious signs of interest.., be the one to call him.., be the one to find him and talk to him.., and if he doesn't respond to that.., "fcuk him" (not literally.., just let him go.., you can't say you didn't do all you could.., short of taking on too much emotional risk.., he's either (1). really shy (2). socially incompetent (3). socially competent.., but wasn't interested in you.., so just let it go.., you did all you could)

Best,

GrkScorp

[dogi402]

I suggest if you really like this guy, try to br friends with him at the moment. You are way too young, who knows you would not meet a better guy, right? . Few years later, if you still in love with this guy, take another action. Or maybe you are the one who say "I wanna be friends with you only". Hehe

[GrkScorp]

maybe you are the one who say "I wanna be friends with you only". Hehe

When you say.., "I wanna be friends" to a guy.., that actually translates to this.., "I wanna be friends".., it's game over.., the walls have come down.., and there is no chance of anything more.., ever.., so if you're planning on actually dating him.., then don't plan on ever doing something like this..

Unless you're just insecure.., and need to feel the validation of rejecting someone first.., before they reject you.., because you believe or feel deep down inside that they would most likely reject you.., and don't want to ever come in contact with that reality.., so it's easier for you to just accept that you rejected them instead of the other way around.., Hehe

Best,

GrkScorp

[dogi402]

Thats why i teach her to say that sentence if she has no feeling to her in the future if that guy crush on her.
One Word - "Revenge"

All i am saying is you are way too young, and you have a lot of chance to find a better guy.