Overacting worrier? Should I feel guilty?

[atslowspeed55]

So I'm about to celebrate my 1 year anniversary with my boyfriend. We are very much in love and we have not had sex. We have, however, done things. We decided when we first started dating that we wouldn't have sex, but we have done stuff with each other.

We are now in a long distance relationship, just like last summer. I'm not worried about anything bad happening over the summer - but just last night I started feeling guilty about the stuff we had done. I am terrified that he has lost respect for me considering he is my first in everything. He has not shown any signs that he doesn't respect me anymore, my overactive mind is just coming up with things that I worry about. Is there any reason that he would lose respect for me?

I love him so much and the stuff we've done I believe that we have done because we care deeply for each other and believe that it is healthy to express our love that way and not by having sex (saving that for marriage).

Why do I feel guilty? And should I feel guilty?
I'm not really sure what I am asking, I'm just looking for some advice/stories/just anything that might put something in perspective.

Thanks so much.

[Gigabitch]

What a waste of your own time. Stop doing that.

[Cain]

Guilty for doing sexual things with someone you love? No... don't.

[lesa]

Why do you feel guilty? Is there a conflict in your or his belief?

Don't ever do anything that you feel uncomfortable doing.

[tooxshort]

Nope ... nothing to feel guilty about. You love each other and you're still together ...

And he's the only one you've done said things with, so there should be no loss of respect from his end ... So, he should be psyched that he brought that part out of you!

[atslowspeed55]

Thanks you guys - all what you've said has really helped.

I have a follow-up question though -- should I talk to him about it? Or that something that's like, "don't even bring it up!"

I just want to make sure that he hasn't lost any respect for me and that what we do do is because of the strong connection we have and deep love for each other.

What do you guys think?

[someonelse]

To people who wait til marriage I'm just curious y? Not saying it's a bad thing I'm just trying to understand. Is it the idea of forever w/one person? Cuz I know tons of ppl who waited til marriage and got divorced. No more forever. I know people that love eachother and express it only w/eachother that out last lots of married ppl.

Just curious.

[Cain]

To people who wait til marriage I'm just curious y? Not saying it's a bad thing I'm just trying to understand. Is it the idea of forever w/one person? Cuz I know tons of ppl who waited til marriage and got divorced. No more forever. I know people that love eachother and express it only w/eachother that out last lots of married ppl.

Just curious.

I don't know why others do it. I waited for the right one because I don't want to be a hypocrite. I won't date a girl that's slept with a lot of guys and I don't want to judge them on that when I did the same thing.

[vashti]

ALS55 - I think you deserve an award for exercising such self restraint for a year. If this is a matter of religious restraint, however, it might be better for you to talk to a clergy person. This is a secular board, and most of us don't find it necessary to feel guilty about what we consider a normal human function.

[1averagejoe]

To be honest, I felt guilty when I was in your situation. We had done stuff but never had sex. But that had to do with the fact that I didn't feel ready to do the things I was doing. But I eventually learned that it's natural and there was nothing wrong with it. You'll find that the majority of people both inside and outside religions have had sex before marriage. I'm catholic and quite a few of my friends who are as well have had sex before. It's a personal choice, I believe if two people love each other that there is nothing wrong with it. I don't believe in whoring myself out though. Sex and any other sexual related things are for someone I love and loves me back in a relationship.

I'm still a virgin mostly because I felt I was never ready to have sex in my past relationship. I was with her for a year and a half, yes it was hard resisting so I'll give you props for lasting as long as you have. Don't feel pressured to do anything you don't feel ready to do, there's no rush. You sound young. Do I think that in a future relationship I'll be ready to? I think so. I've matured a lot from then and I have learned a lot.

As for the respect issue. There's no reason he should lose respect for you. It takes two, he's just as responsible for anything you two have done together. He could have said no if he felt it was wrong.