Help regarding a 4 month relationship issue

[siciliano611]

This is my first post, and I joined this forum because it seemed like it gives good advice and people have been through hard times and good times....Anyways, I am 25 (about to be 26) and have been in a relationship with a girl now for 4 months. It has been a lot of good times but there are many things that are have been irking me about her in the last couple of months. Normally I am a very compassionate and affectionate guy, and I tend to be more emotional than most guys, but this is how I always have been. She is not as compassionate as me but this isnt a huge huge deal, as most people aren't I have realized.

This girl is very very ambitious, smart, and hasn't really had a serious boyfriend before ever (her best friend told me recently). She is used to being independent and doing things for herself. The first two months of the relationship were perfect, she was as sweet as can be, always sending me texts and random calls about how she misses me and is really into me and all that good stuff. After that those messages and calls were less frequent, but I expected that as we were moving past the "honeymoon phase" of the relationship. She has her own townhouse and it is 20 miles away from where I live (in an apartment). One of the first annoyances that has been going on for almost the whole time now is that she doesn't come visit me at my place very often, but she wants me to come to her's. This bothers me a little as I feel it should be equal, but yet I can understand this because she has her own nice townhouse and I share an apartment with a roommate. Secondly, she has very very bad mood swings (even her friends acknowledge that) where she can go from being completely silent when I'm around and I haven't done anything, to being all "baby this" "baby that". This has nothing to do with her "time of the month" but more it can happen randomly anytime it seems. One of the other things that bothers me is that I want her to meet my parents and the 2 or 3 times I've tried to ask her to, she is always busy. Her and her mom are very close and her mom knows OF ME, but not that I'm her Boyfriend and that kinda bothers me. It could be from the fact that she doesn't want her mom to know yet, because it has only been 4 months and she wants to be sure I'm the one. The last thing I wanted to talk about is that I told her I love her about 5 or 6 weeks ago, and I truly feel that way (even if there are a few issues that bother me a bit) and she said it back, but it seems that I end up saying it a lot more than she does. I don't overdo it, maybe once a day or so and usually she says it back, but theres only been maybe 4 or 5 times she said it first to me. I guess what I am getting at is that there are a few things that bother me and I have talked to her about it and she said she will try harder in our relationship, but how normal are things like this and should I stick with it..... I'm used to my previous relationships being very cuddling and close and all that stuff, but this one is a little different...

Thanks

[bluesummer]

All I can surmise from this situation is that she is being cautious. You've only been together four months, so maybe since you are her first bf, she wants to make sure you are really worth introducing to her mother, and making an important part of her life. Don't try to push yourself on her, and maybe lay off the 'I love you's' if you're not getting it back as often as you'd like. It sounds to me like she's just resisting getting too emotionally attached....so just give her time. Mind you, if this is still going on after six months, I'd start to think maybe there were some issues. So just watch it carefully.

As for going to her place, I can totally understand her point of view. Why would you want to go somewhere where there's roommates, when you can have a place to yourself? Before my bf and I lived together it was the exact same situation as yours, except he was the one with the townhouse. We spent 95% of our time at his place, because neither of us wanted my roommates interfering with our time together.

[Cain]

I'm very hesitant on saying "I love you" in the first 6 months, because honeymoon phases don't only last the first two. They can extend anywhere from 6 months to even a year. Once you hit that year mark, things start to fade. It's then up to the couple to make it work.

She might be saying she loves you back out of habit.. just because you said it. In my opinion, the word should only be used if you really mean it. And when I say really mean it, I mean that you can't picture your life without her in it... you look into your future and she's there. That's the love in a relationship. You've only been with her for 4 months and you said it about 2.5 months into the relationship... so I'm not sure you really had that feeling.

I don't agree with bluesummer about the introduction to her mother. She doesn't need to know you're "the one" before introducing you. She should, imo, introduce you as her boyfriend. It'll be weird if you both are together for a year before she finally says "Hey, mom. This is my boyfriend blahblah. He and I have been together for a year!"

And no, you aren't out of the honeymoon phase yet. You're having problems before it even ends.

[clearskies]

MOOD Swings... might be attributed to family troubles..i mean prbs between her parents.. make her unstable emotionally and genius at the same time... able to cope with that?

[Gigabitch]

And no, you aren't out of the honeymoon phase yet. You're having problems before it even ends.

^^^That. Yeah. I think it's a bad sign that you're already so dissatisfied with her and you've only been together a short while.

You might, however, consider that your expectations could be a bit too high. You sound awfully...particular. Possibly difficult to please.

[Babydoll]

I agree with Cain. I really wouldn't go into the whole 'I love you' stuff so early on. I'd been with my boyfriend for a year before he said it to me. And also, saying it every day is a bit much.
She sounds a lot like myself. I'd prefer to be in my own surroundings than in someone elses. Also.. I always rely on my boyfriend to make all of the effort. I've been brought up a spoilt brat and maybe she's the same.
To be honest though.. you don't seem suited to her. You sound too clingy for her nature. I think you need to have someone a little less secure than her. Some one you can be romantic with.
As for not introducing you to her mother.. maybe it is your worst fears. Maybe she doesn't want you to meet her because she's going to drop you soon. Maybe there's something wrong with her mother. Maybe her mother is deformed. Or maybe she's a complete bitch who will criticise you.. and pretty much any guy she brings home. My grandma's like that LOL.