interracial relationship vs parents

[littlesampan]

hello everybody,
i am for the first time in my life, extremely confused and disturbed as i have found myself in this position where i need to choose a life with my boyfriend against my parent's approval, or break up a relationship to please my parents... well the only reason why my parents object in the relationship is because i am chinese and he is jamaican black. they haven't even met him to judge his personality, so i feel it is purely based on ignorant prejudice.. unfortunately, it is an ideology deeply seeded in their traditional minds.. and i am too tired to fight or make any problems between me and my parents. i love my boyfriend as much as i love them, as i have a strong chemistry with him. he has been undergoing a lot of financial problems lately, and i have been also finding myself helping him out of his financial problems time and again. I have recently spent a 2 weeks out of the country from him, and for a wierd thing, i was so clear in my mind i needed to break up with him for the two reasons: the race and money issues, however, now that i am back with him in the same country, my heart has completely gone soft again, and i dunno whether breaking up with him is the right thing to do for myself, or is it something i just feel could be the right thing to do to make others happy? so confused.. and i dunno how to tell him as well how confused i am. please help me think through this... cos i have noone to turn to who may be able to relate to my situation... thank you very much for reading this thread!

[clearskies]

why did u take ur opinion first of all?? its ur life ...

[lesa]

What is the ideology of your parents about this relationship? How would you feel if the roles were reversed and his parents objected to you? What is the financial situation? I am asking because I like to not involve my boyfriend in my financial situation because it can cause major negative issues.

[lastwish]

Ask your parents how they would feel if others view them with bias minds. Prejudice goes both ways. If they still won't accept then just do what you wish.

[clearskies]

i agree on what lastwish said which goes well with my opinion.. u r Chinese and not British in the UK, tell ur parents u didnt feel prejudiced while u r foreigners in the UK, so WHY on earth do u feel this negative feeling against ur friend?

[Babydoll]

hello everybody,
i am for the first time in my life, extremely confused and disturbed as i have found myself in this position where i need to choose a life with my boyfriend against my parent's approval, or break up a relationship to please my parents... well the only reason why my parents object in the relationship is because i am chinese and he is jamaican black. they haven't even met him to judge his personality, so i feel it is purely based on ignorant prejudice.. unfortunately, it is an ideology deeply seeded in their traditional minds.. and i am too tired to fight or make any problems between me and my parents. i love my boyfriend as much as i love them, as i have a strong chemistry with him. he has been undergoing a lot of financial problems lately, and i have been also finding myself helping him out of his financial problems time and again. I have recently spent a 2 weeks out of the country from him, and for a wierd thing, i was so clear in my mind i needed to break up with him for the two reasons: the race and money issues, however, now that i am back with him in the same country, my heart has completely gone soft again, and i dunno whether breaking up with him is the right thing to do for myself, or is it something i just feel could be the right thing to do to make others happy? so confused.. and i dunno how to tell him as well how confused i am. please help me think through this... cos i have noone to turn to who may be able to relate to my situation... thank you very much for reading this thread!

I think seeing as the case was 'out of sight, out of mind' then you probably aren't that bothered whether you are with or without him. Also, seeing as he is depending on you for money, he is obviously bringing you down with him. He is obviously not a very stable individual, and so if everything goes to shit with him, then your parents may not be there to pick up the pieces. Then you will have lost both him and your parents.
I'd ditch him if I were you.
Good luck xx

[DoesntMatter]

And people wonder why the Jim Crow laws were enacted

[Mish]

for a wierd thing, i was so clear in my mind i needed to break up with him for the two reasons: the race and money issues, however, now that i am back with him in the same country, my heart has completely gone soft again, and i dunno whether breaking up with him is the right thing to do for myself, or is it something i just feel could be the right thing to do to make others happy? so confused.. and i dunno how to tell him as well how confused i am. please help me think through this... cos i have noone to turn to who may be able to relate to my situation... thank you very much for reading this thread!

Parents play a very important part in any relationship, if they are not onaboard things can become rather difficult. It's hard to choose either way. You will have to find some sort of a middle ground between two choices I think. Use your charm and skills of persuasion to arrange a meeting between them. Maybe after they meet him and see those qualities that made you love him they will change their opinion.

[clearskies]

it wont work if they have this mentality..

[Gigabitch]

Well, what's going to happen if you go against them? Will this result in a lifetime of disownment? Is that worth it to you?

Do your parents know about the money thing? Let me tell you, if my daughter were constantly bailing her boyfriend out financially, I wouldn't care what ****ing color he was, he'd be on my shit list. Are you absolutely sure this is all just because of prejudice? And if so, is it possible they're not just prejudiced against a guy who leeches off their daughter?

[Pears]

I agree with Giga. Do you want to be his sugar mama?

[clearskies]

some time u pay money and gifts with no direct intention just to keep a relationship going ... its risky and most cases it isnot gonna work. but in her case , i think they object his origin

[bluesummer]

Yeah, I think the case of him always borrowing money is definitely not going to help win your parents over. I'd be very cautious of that behaviour.

If you're going to fight for an interracial relationship, it had BETTER be 100% worth it. Otherwise, when your relationship ends, your parents will not only be angry that you defied them, but they'll also be the first ones to shove it in your face and say "See? We were right about him."

[clearskies]

AND Parents always say that even they shared with full consent in a failing marriage .... they r always clean and out of it....

[Kiechi]

Don't do it.