Old Feelings...

[Pinkbubbles]

I spent a year and a half of my life caught up in this guy that I honestly had fallen in love with. He was the type who knew what he felt but was unable to overcome outside factors, or this between us he percieved to be issues. There is an age difference of 6 years, currently he is 26 turning 27 and I have recently turned 21. And he is also one of my brothers best friends. These 2 things were the things that he felt he could not overcome and therefore we decided the best would be to just move on with our seperate lives.

I have spent the past year doing so eventhough it was the most difficult year of my life, I have never loved anyone the way I loved him, I did it. I am currently dating a new guy that makes me happy and treats me amazing, but nothing is ever with out a glitch or two. Anyways the point is that...we'll call him Ted (my 'ex')...was the one who had the issues with our relationship and ultimately choose us to move on. My new boyfriend....we'll call him Ben...and I have been having issues lately, to the point of nearly splitting, but we so far have been able to work through it.

My girlfriends and I had a girls night out a couple weeks ago, after one of my near splits with Ben, during which I ran into Ted. I was the first time I had seen him without my brother since everything went south. It was really good to see him but I was not about to make a effort to chat with him. But he felt he had to. We ended up talking the whole night. About everything from his life right now, to mine and my near future and we also had it out about everything that happened between us, both good and bad. We ended up completely ditching the people we came with and went to continue our talking. It was so good to catch up with him. Like that comfort of him and I was there again.

Throughout our relationship talk he confessed everything to me about his friendship with my brother and our ages and subsequent different stages in our lives as the reasons that ulitmately kept us apart. He also told me that he has been struggling with the feelings that he has for me for so long that I couldnt imagine what hes had to go through. I told him about the feelings I've had for him and how hard it was to know that he never wanted me in the way that I thought he did, which he then told me that I have no idea how much he wanted me, how much he wants me.

I laid into him about how for years now he has said so many things that lead me one way and then acts totally different and how frustrating it was. He then proclaimed that he never had the intentions to hurt me he was just trying to do what was best for both of us, he said he didnt want to hold me back from my dreams. He also said that he believed that I was the perfect person for him, everything about me is what he wants and its so hard to see that but know that it just cant be right. Which I could only respond with 'You choose what we are, I've had to deal with all of my feelings for you and move on cause you couldnt quite figure what you wanted and I have moved one'. He just looked at me after that with pain all over his face. I then started to cry. No only was I crying cause of us fighting but I also realized how my feelings for him hadn't gone as I thought they had. Im not over him in the slightest but I still have this boyfriend that I love.

Ted then kissed me. I pulled away and was like you remember that I have a boyfriend right. All he said to me was...'I really wish you didnt...you have no idea how much I wish that right now'. And he just held me tight.

About a week after this I found out that he considering moving to New Mexico for work. I live in Canada. Thats a big move. I dont know what to do about any of this. Like I know I still love him but I dont know if any of my feelings or his a strong enough to get over everything, so solid enough to risk what I have with Ben right now. But in the more immediate, do I talk to him about moving? Is that my place? Does it seem that the wishing I didnt have a boyfriend was him looking for a reason to stay to anyone else? Do you think his words were true? Or was that just his last ditch attempt to hook up before he takes off?

I'm so confused.

[Gigabitch]

Let him go. The older you get, the less the age difference will mean. You'll get another chance someday, maybe. I don't think the timing is right this time around.

[Pinkbubbles]

Do you mean another chance for us? Or just another chance at that kind of love in general?

[IndiReloaded]

I think she means either: with him or someone else. I agree, you must let him go. Sometimes, the timing just isn't right.

Stay in contact as friends. You don't have enough of a relationship base for either of you to be altering your living arrangements at this time. The pain you feel right now will get less as you put things in perspective. It doesn't mean you care about each other any less.

Living your lives apart for now will give each of you experiences that, should you become a couple in the future, will make your relationship stronger. And if you don't get together (i.e. one or both of you finds someone else) then it wasn't meant to be in any case.

Relax. Life is long. There's no urgency to this situation. Stay in contact & see how you feel in a year or so. Perhaps you can arrange to visit occasionally. Obviously, you'd need to break with your current BF to do this.

[cnd62107]

wow i had that EXACT situation with my bf. i'm 19 getting ready to turn 20, and he's 26 getting ready to turn 27 so we have a 7 year age difference. he is my best friend of 10 yrs' older brother. a couple months after we first started dating he broke up with me stating that 1.) he thought i was too young for him, and 2.) he felt like he was dating his little sister. hence, me being his little sisters' best friend bothered him. i was completely and utterly devastated. we hadn't even dated that long, and i couldn't believe how heartbroken i was. i felt like i'd lost something huge even though we hadn't been together for more than a couple months. i cried and cried for about two weeks. time went on and i dated a few guys here and there (my situation is a little different from yours here because i never got that serious with anyone like you did) but usually when i'd go out with someone else i'd let him know about it, kind of like i didn't want to piss him off i guess. thinking it still mattered.

well one day i was over at my friend's house spending the night and i woke up very early the next morning for some reason. my bf worked a night shift job so he came home early in the morning, about when i woke up. i was the only one awake so he and i sat alone downstairs and talked for a few hours until my friend woke up. all throughout the day he was trying to get close to me and kiss me and get me alone to talk to me but i was angry and upset with him and wanted to be strong and NOT take him back even though that was clearly what he was aiming for.

i told my friend NOT to leave us alone, but eventually he took me by the hand and said "come on, we have to talk." we went into another room and he told me how much he'd missed me and explained the reasons he hadn't thought it was going to work and that since we'd been broken up he'd realized that none of that mattered and how he just wanted another chance. then he kissed me and it seriously felt electric. i had to give him one more chance. we've been together now for over a year and it's truly been the happiest of my life. i made the best choice i could have, and i feel so lucky, not only that i gave him another chance, but also that he realized what he'd let go and that he wanted it back. i say give your guy another chance if you really feel that you love him. there's got to be a reason you feel that way!!!