Help me guys please. I want to know what he meant

[balancedchick]

My fiance of 3 years ended our relationship. I'm to blame, that much I'll admit to. But I've apologised but he wont break. He said that our relationship is over. No more us. We have a son an I a daughter. He said he still wants us to live together for the kids' sake. Utill I get my degree in nursing at the least. He made it sounds so easy saying that nothing's going to change in our home but we just wont be Lovers no more. How is that even possible? I want to stay simply because I Love him. But he made it clear that it's over between us. Saying he's in no shape or form going to disrespect me at all by bringing girls to the house or have any girl call the house. He said that he wont like it if I start going out.. I dont understand him. He said we're through but he still wants me around.
I wish I know whats in that thick head of his. What does he wants?

[Cain]

It sounds like he's trying to do right by you by giving you a place to stay while you go through nursing school. If you and him didn't have kids together, he might not be willing to do that.

[Pears]

He's just living together for the kids. However, if you and your finance are very unhappy living together, it will show eventually and may not give the best environment for the kids in the long run. Maybe he will leave after you get your degree.

[Nolandanicerguy]

It sounds like he is trying to not leave your/his children because he cares about their future, and that he doesn't want them to go financially wrong because of him. That would give one much guilt.

[balancedchick]

so it's really over? how can a guy be so cold hearted? I invested 8 years of my life with him and just over like that? I dont ****ing understand. Why not end it 5 or 3 years ago instead of proposing to me? Gaaaddammit! How can a guy be so darn cold? I totally understand he wants to be a part of his kids life. Believe me, I want that too no matter what happens between us. I also want him to be straight with me. If it's over between us, then let me go. I can survive on my own and I damn well have the means to support our kids also. Shit if this relationship was based on money, I would've left him a long time ago. He knows damn well that I have money. Giving me a place to stay my A$$!.. Cain that wasnt for you. I'm more directing to my ex. I totally am grateful for the replies guys but I think I need to be more specific.

My ex or whatever he is now, knew and still know that i'm better off financially so he couldnt say that he's doing all that because he wants to give me a place to stay. But I Loved him and I still do, that's why I didnt want to leave. But I think after reading from you guys, it's better I just leave. But still dont want our kids to suffer. Oh I'm totally lost. I think I'm done with men. They can be just cruel species.

[lesa]

Men can be very cold and cruel but you have an advantage to get him back--he still lives with you.

1. NEVER argue with him.
2. Do not get in the way of any of his affairs and never compete with his dates.
3. Continue life as if he does not live with you but be respectful if you are going to date...don't have them in the house or get him too jealous. Don't place childish games.
4. Don't tell him that you love him or called him bad names.
5. Make major improvements in you and your life so that he will desire you more.
6. Men are very forgiving over time and with him living with you and with you making yourself very desirable, your competition will have little chance of keeping him long term.

Hope that helps.

[Cain]

I can't say he's cold-hearted because I don't know why you broke up. What happened to cause it?

[balancedchick]

okay.. he read my mails on myspace and and found out that I was still keepin in touch with a friend of mine that he dont like, never liked in fact. This friend used to be my sergeant when I was in the service. when i got out of the service, he, my sergeant spilled all his feelings for me. My bf/ex was right all along. He always used to tell me that my sergeant is in love with me but I didnt see it like that.. but anyways, when he asked me if i was still in touch with that sergeant i said no. I lied to him which I'm not going to deny it now and I'm not proud of it at all. I Love Him so so much but I dont see why I have to give up my friends because he dont like them. He have so many friends that I dont like but I never once and never will ask or suggest that he stop seeing them. I value my friendship with all my friends just like he does. And its not like that sergeant keep hitting on me or disrespect me at all after the his confession. in fact i told him that i love my boyfriend very much and tht i dont have that kinda feelings for him except i love him like a very good friend and that's it..
but oh wel.. that's the big thing.. that's what i did tat made him so mad and just called it quit on our 8 yrs long relationship. I'm not going to say that me lying to him is acceptable. it's not and I've tried to apologise for it but he just wont listen

[Cain]

If you want to try and make it work, then do so. Chances are he's just mad. He'll get over it.

In his mind, he might not be comfortable with you being friends with someone that has feelings for you.

[IndiReloaded]

You need to get your ass to a good marriage counsellor, stat.

Oh, and don't take too seriously anything your spouse says in the heat of the moment.

Tho, if its true he really doesn't love you anymore, I wouldn't live with him. To stay would be a terrible blow to your self-respect.

How old are your children?

[IndiReloaded]

Men can be very cold and cruel but you have an advantage to get him back--he still lives with you.

1. NEVER argue with him.
2. Do not get in the way of any of his affairs and never compete with his dates.
3. Continue life as if he does not live with you but be respectful if you are going to date...don't have them in the house or get him too jealous. Don't place childish games.

Sorry, but I disagree with this advice. And, for the record, I'm a married woman, been with my husband almost 20 years.

This advice is tantamount to rolling over & showing him your belly. Whatever little respect he has for you will be destroyed by this. If your husband had any decency, he would not be staying married to do the things he wants. People divorce and raise children successfully. Lots of them.

I do think you should be working on your own self-improvement, but that's something you should always be doing. It sounds like going to school is a step in the right direction for that.

EDIT: And if you're serious about working things out w/your hubby, you might want to start by apologizing to him about your relationship with this other guy. Whatever your issues in your marriage, whatever this other guy feeds you that might be missing in your marriage, you are still an attention whore for letting it carry on when your husband made it clear it bothered him. Lying about it was a foolish thing to do & very disrespectful to your husband & your marriage.

Grow up & fix the problems in your relationship. Or get out. Its possible your husband has just given up on you in this regard & might be willing to try if you show some sincere maturity about this.

[balancedchick]

IdieReloaded,
when he said I love you everytime he hang up the phone even after he declared us over, did he mean that shiat or he's just using I Love You as a closing on our conversation? I know when everytime i said those words, i meant it..
Our kids are 14 and 3

And cain, I do want things to work out between us. After all, I still Love that man!

[IndiReloaded]

Read the rest of my post, BC. And yes, it probably means he still cares. Guys usually don't throw in the towel unless you've REALLY ****ed up bad. Especially when kids are involved.

[vashti]

I can't imagine risking my children's family security over some dipshit guy who had a crush on me. Quite honestly, there isn't anyone I know who would be worth tearing my family apart over.

What's the story with your husband? Is he typically the jealous sort, or did he just have an issue with this guy?

[Cain]

I can't imagine risking my children's family security over some dipshit guy who had a crush on me. Quite honestly, there isn't anyone I know who would be worth tearing my family apart over.

What's the story with your husband? Is he typically the jealous sort, or did he just have an issue with this guy?

Seems like he just had an issue with the Sergeant because he professed feelings for her.