Are most men like this?!

[davidsbabygirl]

I have started to notice that my husband is not really emotionally connected to anyone. When I get upset and go in another room hell just leave me there not ask me whats wrong or anything. It takes him telling me please quit doing the silent treatment to everyone and get over whats wrong. THATS WHEN HE SAYS SOMETHING!!! then he finally says whats wrong? like he didnt already know what was wrong.

Why are women more prone to go up to their husbands when something is wrong and say "baby do you need someone to talk to?" or "Is there something wrong do you need to talk?" and a guy just lets the women pretty much deal with all her problems and feelings on her own.....
GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR~! sorry i had to rant!

[Charlie Boy II]

you sound like a royal pain in the ass

[Mish]

Why are women more prone to go up to their husbands when something is wrong and say "baby do you need someone to talk to?" or "Is there something wrong do you need to talk?" and a guy just lets the women pretty much deal with all her problems and feelings on her own.....
GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR~! sorry i had to rant!

I think your answer is within the question. Guys are not well equipped to deal with emotional problems. For us it's a foreign territory, a minefield. Think about it, where would a guy learn how to pick up on emotions? They certainly don't teach that at School. Girls are not only more adept at picking up emotions, they are also socially conditioned to excel in these environments. Guys on the other hand are de-conditioned.

But surely you have girl friends who can counsel you and help you out with these?

[vashti]

It sounds like you have communication problems of your own. Why do you sulk off to another room when you are upset?

It sounds like this is a match made between two poor communicators, if you ask me. Water seeks its own level.

[Junket]

I think your answer is within the question. Guys are not well equipped to deal with emotional problems. For us it's a foreign territory, a minefield. Think about it, where would a guy learn how to pick up on emotions? They certainly don't teach that at School. Girls are not only more adept at picking up emotions, they are also socially conditioned to excel in these environments. Guys on the other hand are de-conditioned.

But surely you have girl friends who can counsel you and help you out with these?

Bullshit, bullshit, bullshit.

[Pears]

You and your husband both need to work on communication skills. Typically, when a woman gets upset, she wants to talk about it, and will feel better afterwards. On the other hand, when a man gets upset, he doesn't want to talk about it at all. He wants to do something else and forget about it, or be left alone. Knowing this, if your husband gets upset, just let him be. When you get upset, talk to your girlfriends about it. Your husband won't want to listen to you talk. He'll try to solve all your problems when all you wanted was someone to rant to.

Don't try to change your husband, that's how typical males and females work. You can ask your husband to be more understanding and tell him how things work in your head. If he's willing to help, tell him that you just want someone to rant to and say that you don't want advice at all. Don't be surprised though, if he thinks it's a complete waste of time. That's how males may think.

[davidsbabygirl]

I will say i might be a pain in the ass but to my understanding most men think women can be a pain in theass but
please do remember charlie boy that most women think that men are a pain in the ass so what goes around comes around. anyways...I have always heard that the first 5 years of any relationship is the hardest. Im starting to think that this is true. We have been working on the communication problems we do have. believe a couple of months ago it was TONZ worse.

Here is a little bit behind the story, I just moved here to my husbands hometown where i honestly dont know anyone. I dont work and i am on a leave of absence from school due to my husbands emergency surgery he had 3 weeks ago and I had to stay home to take care of him. I dont really talk to much to any of my old girlfriends because we kind of drifted apart. ergo why i joined this site. To make some friends I can talk to that may have some experience or know exactly what I am going through and vice versa. So yeah around the house all I really have to talk to is my husband. I do have kids but lol my daughter is only 2 years old so she looks at me like im a psycho or laughs when I sit there ranting lol. So there ya go. I just needed to rant a bit about something that happened last night.

I do understand that most men dont know how to listen to a women's problems. Its understandable but, I just cant understand why most men dont even TRYYYYYYY to understand a woman. I mean I bend over backwards for my family and it takes a ACT OF CONGRESS to get someone just to sit down and listen.....guess I really do need to learn to deal with my own problems....BUT ALL ADVICE IS VERY MUCH ACCEPTED AND I AM MUCH GRATEFUL!!!!!!

[Charlie Boy II]

well what are these problems that you're so desperate to discuss?

And you might want to look at the way you discuss your difficulties. For example, do you go on and on in a shrill, self-pitying, self-righteous tone? Because I tell you what, that kind of thing is like a sonic scream. You'll never get any male to listen to you. At best they might humour you for a while, but they won't really listen.

Try discussing your problems with him sans the emotion and with a mind to looking for solutions. For example if you're lonely you might discuss some ways you can make new friends. And if all you're looking for is an audience for your moaning over a bottle of chardonnay that makes your little friend search all the more urgent. Because it sounds like your husband is never going to be one of the girls. You're pushing a square peg through a round hole.

[vashti]

You need girlfriends to rant to. Men don't care to hear about it - they are more solution-focused (in general). And trust me, if your man would actually listen to you like a female would, you wouldn't be attracted to him anymore. He would remind you too much of a woman.

[davidsbabygirl]

Yeah I know I need to make new friends. Just kinda hard trapped in this house all the time. But it helps that I have been able to get on here and talk to you guys. So little steps.

[Cain]

I comfort my girlfriend if something is bothering her. But if we get into a little argument or something, we need time apart for a bit before we make up.

[Henry123]

I have started to notice that my husband is not really emotionally connected to anyone. When I get upset and go in another room hell just leave me there not ask me whats wrong or anything. It takes him telling me please quit doing the silent treatment to everyone and get over whats wrong. THATS WHEN HE SAYS SOMETHING!!! then he finally says whats wrong? like he didnt already know what was wrong.

Why are women more prone to go up to their husbands when something is wrong and say "baby do you need someone to talk to?" or "Is there something wrong do you need to talk?" and a guy just lets the women pretty much deal with all her problems and feelings on her own.....
GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR~! sorry i had to rant!

I think alot guys are like that (not me okay!).
But would you respect him if he was emotional?

[TAVS]

I hate to hear generalizations like "Most Men" because that kind of thinking only leads to low expectations and general dissatisfaction. People should know their needs and aim for a partner who can meet those needs, emotional or otherwise

[davidsbabygirl]

I never meant most men in generalization but by what i have learned is that most men are indeed not connected to their emotional side. and lord knows my husband is that way! lol but things are starting to get better i have started asking more questions and backing off if he doesnt want to talk.

[tooxshort]

It's a lose/lose situation for guys ... Men are more solution seekers than women are ... In my experience, women just want to express their feelings and not hear solutions ... They just want someone to listen.

And that's where the clashing is ... Men don't want to just sit there and listen. Men want to solve the problems ...