what should i do? really need help!

[moonriverlove]

hi guys, i have a tough situation need your help. basically, what i need ur guys advice is that 1. whether this guy really likes me and wanna a serious relationship with me or just wanna having fun with me? 2. should i continue date with him right now or stop seeing him again? Here is the story. a little long. Sorry!!

i've been dating with this guys for like 3 months.i think we have strong connection and he said this too. we are like hanging out one or two time per week, having dinner, doing sth together, etc. i think he likes me a lot and takes care of me very well. but we haven't seen each other's friends or family yet.( his family is far away from here and my family is totally in another country) plus, during this 3 months, we are like just dating, talking, hanging out.. never define a relationship thing and never consider each other as a gf/bf. i asked him once when we were on 4th dating about how he define us-he said we were just dating right now. he said he was just enjoying the moment then and didn't think about the relationship thing yet cuz 1. he just got hurt from last relationship and don't want rush into one. 2. he probably cannt stay in current city and will go to another city for graduate school, which means long distance and he didn't believe in that.

so after that i didn't ask him about this thing again. just dating with him although i feel very insecure often. recently, already more than 3 months, i think it's a appropriate time to talk to him about this whole thing, so i talked with him. I said: " what do u think of us- the relationship between u and me right now" he said" it seems that things are getting more serious and i feel really like you, hopefully there is a relationship thing" however, i felt a little different tone when he spoke the " RELATIONSHIP" word--sounds kinda of uncomfortable.. And then I said " but u very likely will go to another city for graduate school and cannt stay here, what's the point we are dating right now? if finally u have to go, it will hurt so much for both of us" And then he was like" yeah, that's true, but it is still uncertain yet and i probably will not go and actually i didn't think about that too much and wanna to enjoy right now" AND, he also said, previously he is kinda of person taking things too seriously which make life kinda of harsh, so right now he wanna not taking things very seriously and don't think too much about future.. OMG... i feel very depressed when he said that..

So, based on the info above, can u guys offer some advice? thank u soooo much!!!

[Cain]

It just sounds like he doesn't want to rush into anything. If he ends up developing feelings for you and wants to be more serious, he will. He doesn't want to make it for certain yet until he knows for sure.

[Kromat]

After 3 months he doesn't know? If he doesn't see this as a relationship, then
is he dating behind your back? Is he an honest person, or just using you ?
You don't need 3 months of dating seeing each other once
or twice a week, to notice If this person is right for you.
Within the first few dates, it should become
clear why he's devoting his time to see you.
He doesn't have to get married, but at least give
you the justification that your the only he's seeing.

If I was in his situation, and I was still considered as a date, I would just go away....
you put so much effort, and they can't figure out, If this is going to work.
Then it's not worth the time and effort to go through it anymore.

P.S. If I was in your situation, I would leave.
If he's planning to leave the country, then he shouldn't have dated all these months.
You should be up to you, If you ready to be a girlfriend and he's not, then leave,
If you can wait a little longer and hope that it'll work out, then go ahead.

[moonriverlove]

i am sure he isn't seeing anyone else. I am the only one he is dating right now. He is pretty honest person also.

I agree with u Kromat that if he is planning to go to another city he shouldn't date at all and that's one reason that makes me feel insecure that he probably just wanna to have fun with me during this time before law school cuz it seems like he worked hard for it and this time is a period to relax... However, when i am with him, the way he take care of me, our connection, our talk, everything make me feel that he really likes me .. He even holds one of my hand for long when driving.. how sweet that is. I really don't wanna to make this whole thing work out...

[Cain]

Why shouldn't he be allowed to date? It's not like he led you on. He told you that there's a good chance he'd be leaving the city for grad school. If you keep dating him that's your fault. Dating isn't a committed relationship. It's two people going on dates. He has no obligations to you.

[Kromat]

Just be careful, don't feel disappointed when this doesn't go your way.

Cain, I know what your saying, but she's expecting him to be her boyfriend,
If he doesn't think of her that way, and she wants him too, then how can this
work out for her?

After a while of dating, you can tell, If this person is right for you,
it doesn't take too long to go into that mindset.

P.S. I don't want her to spend 1 year dating this guy and then it's over,
it just wouldn't be right.
If there's a connection, then let it evolve.

[Cain]

Then it's her fault if she expects him to be her boyfriend. He's told her that he's not looking for a relationship right now.. that he just wants to enjoy the moment. If she decides to move on, then great. But he isn't obligated to try to get her to move on.

[moonriverlove]

i asked him, " what if finally u have to go" he said" he is not quite sure also and then he figured out two option: 1. continue dating but finally probably hurting each other. 2. stop seeing each other now, harsh though" But we didn't reach to one solution yet..

Today, i feel very blue and sent him a email: " I am thinking of u, We can work this out, right?" He replied" I am thinking of u too. I think we can work this out." That's it!??? What???

[Cain]

What do you expect him to tell you? You're obviously looking for a serious relationship and he can't commit to that right now. I think you need to move on or just have fun while he's here.

[Kromat]

She even said that she's depressed, because he doesn't want to
be serious and wants to move out of the country for school.
MRLove, at this point, If your not in a rush, then just have fun with it.

P.S. He's made up his mind, it's up to you, if you want to continue it.

[Cain]

Exactly. It isn't his fault she's depressed. It's hers. He has already told her that he doesn't want to think about the future. He just wants to date. Guys don't usually play games about that. If he doesn't want to date, he doesn't want to date. We don't like playing hard to get.

[moonriverlove]

thank u guys.. already feel hurts when seeing this...one detail i forgot, he doesn't want to move at all, actually he wanna to stay this city very much but the school in this city still waitlist him.. He is also struggling wait for the notification..

but i think this probably won't make much difference...

I think Kromat is right, if one person really like u , it wouldn't take that long for him to know whether he wanna relationship with u.. It should be just be clear in the first several weeks..

I also worried that if I spent to much efforts and too emotionaly involved with him, things would get worse and more hurting... But I feel hard to leave him already... Omg, how love and relationship can be soooo complicated??? It's like the only guy in years make me feelll sooo connected.. and still cannot work out...

[Cain]

He's TOLD you that he doesn't want a relationship. Of course he'd know in the first few weeks if he wanted one. What he's doing is that he doesn't want to get into a relationship with you right now and then leave for another city. He wants to wait until he knows whether he's staying or not before he decides whether he wants to take things further. It's not that complicated.

[Kromat]

He's TOLD you that he doesn't want a relationship. Of course he'd know in the first few weeks
if he wanted one. What he's doing is that he doesn't want to get into a relationship with you right now and then leave
for another city. He wants to wait until he knows whether he's staying or not before he decides whether
he wants to take things further. It's not that complicated.

It's not complicated, it's how you use your judgment that will make it work.

P.S. If you're willing to relocate, then this could work, but If you can't right now, then it probably won't in the long run.

[Cain]

It's not complicated, it's how you use your judgment that will make it work.

P.S. If you can relocate, then this could work, but If you can't right now, then it probably won't.

There is absolutely not enough time invested into this relationship to justify relocating. He isn't even in a relationship with her yet.. and if he didn't want to be in one, her wanting to relocate will scare him off.

The only option here is to be patient. If you want to be with him, wait to see if he wants to or not. If you don't want to wait, then leave. It's so easy.