a little confused

[huh234]

I just wanted to get a few opinions of women, since maybe you all can help me understand. I think I know my answers, but there is that slight bit of confusion inside me.

I am a 22 year old guy, now in my 1st relationship(late I know). As of July 4th, we will have been together for 6 months. I must say, she confuses me sometimes, and I'm not sure her feelings are totally there, she gives me a lot of mixed signals.

About her...she is 27 and is a great girl. Most caring and beautiful girl you will meet. Definitely not a slutty girl either, which I really like about her. I respect the fact completely that she will not sleep with someone till she loves them, and has had only 2 partners. She has only had 1 serious relationship in her life. Coming before ours. When her and her ex split up...they went with, maybe someday we will be together again, but he decided he wanted to be single right at the time. This destroyed her, she had been with him for a year and 3 months, and he also promised her marriage someday, and even gave her a "promise ring"

Fast forward 4 months later, I apply and land a job where she was working, and she took interest in me. However, no closure had been given in her previous relationship. Finally in December (2 months later) she told her ex, it was now or never, to which he responded, I am still not ready for a girlfriend. She kept the ring on for about a month, then finally decided to take it off to pursue something with me.

January 4th, we became official, and she seemed extremely excited that we were finally together, as she had been into me for some time. All of her friends got texts saying we were together(I later found out they had heard plenty about me...her mom told me, "so you're the guy I've been hearing all about" her friend told me "I feel like I already know you, I've heard so much about you", and co-worker said "We've heard so much about you").

Now that you got the background here is what I want to understand, and maybe this comes from me reading too much in to it. I maybe don't understand, cause it's my first relationship, so I have never had my heart broken. But maybe you guys can help me tell if it's a rebound, or if she is into me.

My feelings for her started to get deep at about 3 months (not quite love, but knew it was coming, I truly cared for her). Now she has not been and for the most part is still not extremely vocal (as she is shy). She received a call from her ex as he was upset and needed someone to talk to, he also went into where we worked and asked for her(she wasn't working). Immediately I kind of got upset, because she is a great girl, so I think, he wants her back(she said she can't avoid him, they have the same circle of friends)(as far as the call she saidhe just needed someone to talk to, and it was ok) so that raised some concern from my end

We had a deep conversation about here feelings for me, her ex, and what is going on. She told me she was sorry, and that she was taking it slow(apologizing for doing so as well), I responded it was ok...I have no problem waiting for her, since she seems worth it(like I said...amazing girl.) I just needed to know. She told me she was still dealing with the fact that I may hurt her like her ex (not my personal doing, but just from that past hurt). I told her we will work through it...and it's not a problem. I also asked her if her ex were to take her back, would she honestly go. I said that she needed to be happy no matter what, even if it's not with me...and that I would always be her friend and have her back. Basically I just wanted to know that we could fall in love someday, not trying to rush it, because I am ok with taking it slow. Rushing is not necessary, I know I am enjoying being with her now.

She holds my hand no matter what, (driving, walking, while cuddling, you name it) and she really passionately kisses me. Introduces me to friends(ones in that circle with her ex as well) as her boyfriend, and even kisses me around them. We have not had sex(with her I could honestly care less about sex....I am the type of guy who wants to be in love for sex, so when it comes...it comes, no rush at all). We have done other things, which came in time, as she said she needed feelings first, which was ok.

Now at 6 months, I think I am starting to love her, and I know she still is scared to hear those words, so I hold back. She is not very vocal, so I don't really get to hear that she is happy, or what she thinks of me, unless I say something to her first. With the exception of one time, where she said I make her so happy. But when I tell her she makes me happy, she smiles, kisses me, and says you do too

I asked her recently, if in the future (years down the road) she could see herself married to me, her response was maybe. She said she was still unsure. It confused me...she said it was her, but I can't help thinking that something is not right about me in her eyes, or our relationship, in her eyes. I asked her if it was our relationship, and she said no, then looked me directly in the eyes and said it was her. I asked her if she wanted to be with me...and if I make her happy...or if someone else would make her happier. She responded, she wants to be with me, and that I make her happy. She said she was almost healed up from the past(she once stated I am sewing her heart back up). Something though tells me she's not(or not into me).
To clear the marriage thing up I don't want to get married right now...and I even told her that(I said "years down the road"). I have to ask little questions to find out how she is feeling...or what's in her brain. I just like to understand everything about her. The whole marriage thing was just a question to pull a little as to if she was warming up to me...and after I asked her about it I even told her that(and someone suggested that this was the question to find out her feelings, so me being inexperienced, went with it).

I know I wrote a book, and my thoughts are unorganized(I am a guy, and we are bad at that, so you have to give me a break ) I probably even left some out. But is this girl really into me...It would hurt like hell to know she's not...but I would rather honestly know now. Is it me reading to much into it, and not understanding(maybe cause she is not vocal). Or did she rush into it, and I am a rebound? Or is she genuinely into me, and just afraid of falling for me, because her heart is fragile, and she doesn't want it broken again? I just want to understand because I truly care for her.

Also don't know if this helps in your understanding, but we pretty much see each other just about everyday. We can't get enough of each other. If we don't see each other..she will call me to talk. If we don't see each other I will say it sucks, and she will respond with "sorry" instead of acknowledging that she is upset.

Maybe a female perspective will clear things up for me. After all...I am a guy and will never understand a woman 100%...though I truly wish I could.

[lastwish]

It sounds like she is very much into you. But again, this girl wants to take things slow. The fact that she is unsure about whether she wants to marry you sounds reasonable because marriage is probably a huge step for her. Don't take it personally, its not a reflection of you.

I think, you both have a bright future ahead of you so don't let your insecurities bother you too much.

[Cain]

You've barely known her for 6 months. Why are you even talking about marriage?

[huh234]

It was a what's in our future question. I don't want to get married right now...and I even told her that(I said "years down the road"). I have to ask little questions to find out how she is feeling...or what's in her brain. I just like to understand everything about her. The whole marriage thing was just a question to pull a little as to if she was warming up to me...and after I asked her about it I even told her that(and someone suggested that this was the question to find out her feelings, so me being inexperienced, went with it).

[zoso]

It seems like she really does like you. She wouldn't have told her friends all that stuff about you if she didn't. (I know if I'm not that into a guy, he never gets mentioned to my friends.) So, very good sign right there.

And she is still hurt from her last relationship. She gave her heart to somebody, and they broke it. She's still wary, remember that. What you can do in the mean time, so she can heal fully, is assure her you care about her, won't leave her in the dust, etc. Just assure her that you won't break her like the one guy did. Let her heal, she needs to.

And remember, this is your first relationship. Chances are you'll probably want to take it fast. But remember to put yourself in her shoes too. She's not ready for the pace you want, so know when to slow down at times. I think at this point it's fine to tell her that you have a lot of feelings for her, how special she is, etc. Don't make it into this huge "do-you-feel-the-same-way" kind of issue, cause she probably isn't ready. She's still healing, like I said.

So, to put it simply: Know when to slow down and assure her of your feelings and that you don't want to leave her.

Also, don't bring marriage up that much, even in a casual conversation. It could bring up red flags in her mind. She is warming up to you, that much is obvious. She's just being careful about her feelings.

[huh234]

Thank you for the great advice. I guess this is what I wanted to hear....that she seems to be into me...as I am into her...and she knows it.

As for her hurt....I reassure her all the time that I will always be there for her, and I will never leave her. She also knows how I feel about her...I make sure to tell her how I feel about her. The smile and kiss afterward is worth it

As for going slow. I have no problem with it. I have reassured her that she has all the time she needs to heal up, and that I will work with her to make sure she is healed properly. I told her there is no rush for her to say she loved me or anything of that nature. I am a caring guy, and just see her as being worth waiting for. I feel as if she is an amazing person, who I truly like spending time with. I can put the love feelings in the back of my mind until she is there.

As you say, I try to put myself in her shoes, and keep things to her pace.

I'm glad to hear that she seems to be warming up to me, that makes me happy. The way I look at it...when I get her love...it will be true love, knowing what she had to work through, and to me that will be awesome.

Thank you for your comments!! they helped!!!

It seems like she really does like you. She wouldn't have told her friends all that stuff about you if she didn't. (I know if I'm not that into a guy, he never gets mentioned to my friends.) So, very good sign right there.

And she is still hurt from her last relationship. She gave her heart to somebody, and they broke it. She's still wary, remember that. What you can do in the mean time, so she can heal fully, is assure her you care about her, won't leave her in the dust, etc. Just assure her that you won't break her like the one guy did. Let her heal, she needs to.

And remember, this is your first relationship. Chances are you'll probably want to take it fast. But remember to put yourself in her shoes too. She's not ready for the pace you want, so know when to slow down at times. I think at this point it's fine to tell her that you have a lot of feelings for her, how special she is, etc. Don't make it into this huge "do-you-feel-the-same-way" kind of issue, cause she probably isn't ready. She's still healing, like I said.

So, to put it simply: Know when to slow down and assure her of your feelings and that you don't want to leave her.

Also, don't bring marriage up that much, even in a casual conversation. It could bring up red flags in her mind. She is warming up to you, that much is obvious. She's just being careful about her feelings.