Should I bother seeing this girl?

[mumbs27]

I've been writing this girl from italy for some years now. She has a boyfriend now. She has played it down a bit when I asked if the fact that she had a man in her life now would be a problem if I came to see her...She wrote "the fact that I have this "boy" is not a problem in meeting each other!"

She says I can come visit in august and I can stay at her place in her extra room. She lives alone. She says she will take a vacation from work and spend time with me and go on a trip with me. I have feelings for her, I just don't know if she thinks we can be more than friends or not, I've never talked about it with her. I just wish I knew if there was a chance. On one hand, I think, well, if she had feelings for me then she wouldn't have mentioned anything about a bf in a couple of her emails, on the other....why would a girl let a guy stay at her place when she has a bf, and take time away from work to go out and do things with him? She cares about me, and continues to write even though she has this guy in her life now. I don't know what to do. I think there was a sure possibility that we could have been more than friends before she had a bf, but I didn't get the opportunity to travel there until now.

Maybe I should just jokingly ask her if she is in love with him? I'm afraid of what the answer might be, but if she is it will save me the price of the plane ticket.

I don't really want to tell her I have feelings for her, because if I do go there I guess it could spoil any surprise and make things awkward. I was hoping to just go there and put some move on her.

[shh!]

I think it is very appropriate to clarify the exact nature of her relationship with the guy before you buy tickets to see her. Why waste your time, energy, andmoney if she is unavailable?

[Cain]

Some will disagree I'm sure, but you should NOT attempt to get with a girl in a relationship. And be careful about messing with a girl that's taken... you never know what the bf will do about you screwing his relationship up.

[mumbs27]

I think it is very appropriate to clarify the exact nature of her relationship with the guy before you buy tickets to see her. Why waste your time, energy, andmoney if she is unavailable?

I guess that's all I really can do at this point.

[Hanawk]

If I were you I wouldn't waste my time even talking to her...but you know that is your decision, I just wish you good luck and be careful.