true friendship

[lastwish]

Recently I have been thinking about what true friendship is. According to some people, true friends are selfless and are not opportunists. They are not seeking to gain. Signs include a mutual desire for companionship and perhaps a common bond of some kind. Beyond that, genuine friendship involves a shared sense of caring and concern, a desire to see one another grow and develop, and a hope for each other to succeed in all aspects of life. True friendship involves action: doing something for someone else while expecting nothing in return.

Sometimes (or maybe a lot of times), people form friendships or relationships with hidden motives. Perhaps they hang with you because they're lonely or because they live close so its easy to help out each other or because you're a lawyer or someone with money or someone they know who would become useful in the future. Or perhaps the motive behind the friendship is entertainment. Once the friendship loses its fun, its gone. I called them friendship of convenience. Once they lose their convenience or usefulness for you, they are no longer worthy of your friendship. I used to know a girl who I would almost consider her a true friend until now that I go to a different campus as her, I no longer hear from her. I guess she she just wanted someone to hang with her daily so she won't look like a loner. Now I know she just consider me as a friend of convenience.

That makes me think abit. I used to think that I had many friends but now with the added criteria of being selfless and not being an opportunists...I have narrowed down to only two people who I have ever considered true friends (although I do not know if they have a hidden agenda for being friends with me. At least I don't.)

Do you think true friendship exist? In the sense that you're friends with them with no hidden agenda. What are some ways to look for true friendship?

Have you ever imagine taking away all the perks of your friendships? Would you still stay?

[shh!]

I don't know that your definition of true friendship matches mine... To be completely selfless is self-destructive, IMO, and I don't really know what you mean by not being opportunists. Perhaps what you mean is that true friends don't take advantage of you when the opportunity presents itself?

I don't think it is at all uncommon to narrow your definition of friendship as you age, though, and having a couple of genuine close friends is all you really have time for if you think about it. Friends require a time investment, and you can't always spare the time, even if you really connect with someone.

[lastwish]

I don't know that your definition of true friendship matches mine... To be completely selfless is self-destructive, IMO, and I don't really know what you mean by not being opportunists. Perhaps what you mean is that true friends don't take advantage of you when the opportunity presents itself?

If you've read my post carefully...I haven't defined what I think true friendship is. I have merely stated that it is one way a person would have define true friendship. I agree with you that being completely selfless is impossible since being in a friendship means there is a mutual desire for companionship. Desire for companionship would be benefit for both sides. However, i think the difference between a friendship of convenience and a true friendship would probably be that gaining benefits or looking to gain (especially if its one sided) would not be the main motive for the friendship.

I don't think it is at all uncommon to narrow your definition of friendship as you age, though, and having a couple of genuine close friends is all you really have time for if you think about it. Friends require a time investment, and you can't always spare the time, even if you really connect with someone.

And what do you mean by "genuine friends"? Friends who are willing to spare you the time? That can't be the only indication. I know if people who craves attention and who are willing to spend hours with others yet they're just doing it because they feel lonely and constantly need people around.

[Charlie Boy II]

actually one of the things I've realised being away is that I have too many friends back home and by that I mean people that are just fun to party with. If I got sick and landed in hospital for a year, I reckon their visits would dry up pretty quick. And if I'm honest, vice-versa. They clutter your life and, like Vash said, require a regular investment of time and energy. I think its natural to be in that state when you're young but I'm starting to grow out of it. I think five or six close friends is enough. That doesn't mean I want to stop meeting new people though, that'd be boring.

[IndiReloaded]

True friends are there for you through 'sick & sin'.

In a nutshell, they actually truly care about you. Without the expectation of benefit to them for doing so.

They are rare, and should be treated like gold. I agree w/Vash, you can't afford too many ppl like that in your life. They require energy to maintain the friendship, just like any deep & complex relationship.

[lastwish]

Why are people referring "shh!" as "Vash"? Are "Vashi" and "Shh" the same person?

[DoesntMatter]

Why are people referring "shh!" as "Vash"? Are "Vashi" and "Shh" the same person?

Mmm Hmm

But I don't think "true friendship" requires always being in contact. I still love some of my friends that I've known since preschool even though I haven't spoken with them in a few months because we went our different ways after high school

I think having such a long history together really binds you to a person. When I think of these people (just a few) that I have known since I can first remember and went to elementary, middle and high school with them, you just have a special place in your heart for them regardless of how often you see them

It's like this, I haven't seen my sister in a few months because she has an internship in Michigan, but that hasn't dampened my love for her at all. Same goes for these friends I talked about

[lastwish]

But I don't think "true friendship" requires always being in contact. I still love some of my friends that I've known since preschool even though I haven't spoken with them in a few months because we went our different ways after high school

I know what you mean. The two of my best friends (one which I have known since grade 1, the other grade 3) still remain my two closest friends in my heart even though we might not see each other very often because we're so busy with school. Its strange...because even though we haven't seen each other for so long...nothing changes...things don't get awkward.