Please give me some advice....

[unwanted]

Hi everyone....this is my first time ever posting on a site like this. I'm hoping that I'll receive the advice I need. I've been looking through this site for the past week and have now decided to post. Anyway.....

I met my fiance about 2 and a half years ago on yahoo personals. We clicked immediatly and moved in together shortly after (about a month and a half). We have so much in common. That brings me to the present.

He lost a child with his former fiance when the child was about 4 months old. It was a terribly traumatic experience and it's been 5 years ago now since that happened.

Here's the situation.....he proposed to me about 4 months ago and I've been extatic! I'm completely devoted and 100% faithful to him but he has some trust issues with me. I think it might be due to the fact that he was cheated on in his past relationship. Anyway....a week ago I could tell that things were different with him so I asked him what's bothering him. I know that he's dealing with the loss of his child this time of year but it's different this time. He told me that he wants to moving the wedding out 2 more years. Some of the reasons I understand but between him telling me that and saying that he hopes what he's feeling passes and if it doesn't he doesn't know what to do I'm left feeling very alone. I've been walking on egg shells all week trying to be supportive and understanding and hoping that he'll come out of this. I love him so much and I just can't immagine my life without him in it. When he proposed and I said yes I made a lifetime commitment right there. I just want to make him happy. I don't know what to do. He is truly the love of my life and up until about 2 weeks ago things have been wonderful. Of course we have our ups and downs but I think that's normal in any relationship. I should tell you that between the 2 of us there are 3 children involved also. I'm sorry this is so long but please give me some insight. I want things to work so bad I'll do anything.

[misombra]

ya'll went too fast. and now he's scared. have you ever been snowboarding and you're going down the mountain so fast and out of control that the only way you're gonna stop is if you crash and break your head? it's like that. only with less bruises.

how did it come to be that you moved in together after a month and a half? was he homeless?

what were his reasons for moving the wedding back again?

[Cain]

I agree. Moving in that fast was risky. He is most likely getting cold feet.

What were the other reasons he wanted to move it back? Have you done anything to make him doubt your commitment?

[unwanted]

I have been 100% faithful. I know that he's going through alot right now and I'm hoping that's all this is. It was quick but it was also his decision and he asked me to move in with him. It's never been an issue before so I don't know why it would be now. He owns the home and I have put alot of my own money into it as far as remodeling and things. I've made decisions based on the fact that I plan to spend the rest of my life with this man. It's just so different. He used to (before 2 weeks ago) send me e-mails at work and call me and would always tell me he loves me in his e-mails. I know I haven't innitiated sex alot but I've been so tired and he always goes to bed so much later than I do. I've been attentive to that though lately and have been starting it but now he doesn't even want to kiss me during sex. I don't feel the closeness like I once did and it's scaring the hell out of me. All I want to do is be with him. I do everything around the house...cooking, cleaning, laundry, I even mow the yard sometimes when I know he's had a rough day. Do you think he could possibly have his eyes on someone else? I know he wouldn't cheat on me...he would break up with me first but I just can't figure out where this is coming from and if it's me or not?

[unwanted]

He decided to move the wedding back because he said he's never had a relationship hit the 4 year mark. I understand that to an extent but when I said yes to his proposal that means forever to me. I look forward to spending many anniversarys together so 4 years seems like such a drop in the bucket compared to where my head is at. I do want him to feel secure in our relationship so I will do anything to make that happen but I just don't see where I've gone wrong! He's also been very secretive with his computer and deleting his history everytime he's done using it and I think he's deleting some of his texts now. I just wish he'd talk to me. I don't know how to approach him or if I should just wait this out. In the mean time I'm literally sick to my stomach and can't sleep. Maybe I'm crazy but when you feel like the love of your life is slipping through your fingers I don't know what to do.

[Cain]

I'd be a little worried about the fact that he won't kiss you during sex. To me, it means that he doesn't feel the close intimacy with you... it's just a means to get off. An absence of kissing during sex was usually for men or women that just wanted sex. I know that you've been with him for a while now, so it's obviously not a one night stand. But honestly, I don't see why not having a relationship hit the four year mark is a reason to push back the wedding unless he's saying he wants to see if it'll hit that mark before he goes through with it.

[shh!]

Bad, bad idea moving in with a man so soon, especially when there are children involved. Now you are in a position of appearing desperate, and that isn't attractive at all and if this all goes to shit, you will have kids paying the price.

It sounds to me like you are trying to force him to fit in your dream-box, only he doesn't fit and you won't accept that.

[unwanted]

Well....we talked last night and I told him I think it would be a good idea for him to go to his brothers for a week to figure out what he really wants. He said he's feeling detached at the moment and he doesn't know if it's a phase and doesn't want to make a rash breakup decision without knowing for sure that it's what he needs to do. I don't want to force him into staying with me by any means. I know that it would only turn out worse in the end. I have appreciated his honesty and at this point, yes, I'm hopeful that this is just a phase but if not then I guess this just wasn't meant to be no matter how bad I want it. I really appreciate everyones advice and opinions on this. It has helped me to put some things into perspective. If he isn't happy with me then I wouldn't expect him to stay. I just want him to be happy. We both deserve that. We haven't fought about this at all.....we tend to be pretty good comunicators. It just seems like that was lost for a while.