Got home from daughter's wedding, now b/f is upset. What to do?

[younglady50]

I had written sometime last week about how to keep distance from my ex/husband at my daughter's wedding. I told my b/f that I would have minimal contact with him. My b/f asked what I did and I told him I was with other members of my family most of the time. There were times that I had to speak to my ex/husband about things concerning my daughter. Now he is upset that I talked to him. How could I have avoided not talking to him? My b/f thinks that if I encourage my ex/husband in any way that that would make him think that he as a chance with me.

I want nothing to do with my ex/husband. In order for something to happen, I would need to accept it. I did not accept anything. I did what I had to do to get through the wedding.

Now everything I say to my b/f, he dissects it. I came home last night, looking forward to being with my b/f. He asked me one question about whether or not I talked to him. I said, "of course I talked to him." I must have said it in a tone that ticked him off. He felt that my statement meant that I was sticking up for my husband. How can you not talk during a time like this?

He went on a rampage, saying, "you told me you weren't going to talk to him, now you lied". He said, "you still love your husband" I said, "I love only you". He then started slamming doors and slamming windows closed and screaming all over the place. I tried to talk to him. He continued on with his rage. I then said, "I am going home. You have got to get your feelings in check". "Talk to me when you calm down". Who is wrong here? What should I do? He is a 65 year old man and I am 52 years old.

[Aegis]

lol, and you two couldn't kennel the dog so you could both go to the wedding why?

If he refused to come with you, hit him with that.

[IndiReloaded]

Who is wrong here? What should I do? He is a 65 year old man and I am 52 years old.

You are in the right. You did your part for family peace & attended the wedding for your daughter & kept it friendly w/your ex. Perfectly reasonable.

Your BF is insecure & wants reassuring. Remember, when emotions go up, intellect goes down. So even tho you are reasonably correct to tell him he's being a jerk, sometimes you just need to go to the emotions. He's a guy; I'm confident he will realize his error once he settles down. Good for you that you walked away & gave things a chance to cool off. You seem like a very reasonable lady.

Welcome to the forum.

[shh!]

Good lord, your boyfriend sounds like he's 17. Can't you do any better?

[Gribble]

You should put your foot down and tell him he's acting like a child. Don't put up with that kind of crap. You were supporting your daughter and if he's got a problem with that, well, he sounds like a pretty crappy guy.

[anachronistic]

I hope your relationship isn't rampant with those kinds of moments.

Your boyfriend is overreacting based on assumations... and the way he acts when he is angry sounds totally immature. I agree with Indie - you are in the right. You need to sit down with your boyfriend and have a talk about your ex... when he is cooled down of course.

[starbuck]

Younglady50, you did nothing wrong, and your boyfriend sounds like he needs anger management. I'm surprised that a 65 year old man would act this way. Don't people get more mellow with age?

[missinglinkisp]

ok this is just funny.......i aggree with vash he acts like a teenager,and again this is because he chose not to go(which in my mind is wrong) then chews you out......he seems like an ass.although i do think the way you said of course i talked to him would make me mad............but i wouldnt act like that i mean come on.he has a big anger issue.and then there is the issue of trust.....he has pointed out he doesnt trust you......that sucks.

[Cain]

Instead of pissing and moaning that your ex-husband wants you back, he should have kenneled that damn dog and gone over there with you. I don't understand how he doesn't expect you to talk to him when it's your daughter's wedding. If you had ignored him completely and shown a hatred towards him, it would have put your daughter in an awkward situation and she'd be feeling bad on the best day of her life. You did the right thing.

[missinglinkisp]

your b/f has issues. if he cared so much he should of been there,and if he was i highly doubt the ex would say two words to you.

[Mish]

Now everything I say to my b/f, he dissects it. I came home last night, looking forward to being with my b/f. He asked me one question about whether or not I talked to him. I said, "of course I talked to him." I must have said it in a tone that ticked him off. He felt that my statement meant that I was sticking up for my husband. How can you not talk during a time like this?
He then started slamming doors and slamming windows closed and screaming all over the place. I tried to talk to him. He continued on with his rage. What should I do? He is a 65 year old man and I am 52 years old.

Wow, you'd expect someone to be a little bit more mature at 65 than that.

Well, how about you dissect his behaviour for a moment. He is calling you a liar and he is fearful that your ex husband might "steal" you away from him. What that means is that he thinks that given half a chance you would go back to your ex husband. Which means that he doesn't trust you at all. This is a lot more about your relationship with him, than it is with your relationship with your ex husband.

Why does he have so little trust in you? Is the question you should be asking him imo.

[Darkest Heaven]

Trust issues that serious don't come from thin air. Either he doesn't trust you because of a bad past, or maybe, just maybe, you have been acting a bit "off" lately. A sit down talk session would benefit you both.

[younglady50]

I have been with my b/f for 12 years. We had separated a few times during those years, but I never went back to my ex-husband or even dated. I have given him no reason to distrust me. He has been the only man I have been with since my divorce.
I had, or thought I had a great life with my ex before we divorced. We traveled for the first 5 years of our marriage then we had our 2 children. My ex during our separation always wanted to come back. He did come back 3 times before we divorced all to no avail because my children were only 5 and 7 and I wanted them to have their father at home. He continued being unfaithful.
My b/f knows that he always wants to come back and thinks that he has a chance because I loved him unconditionally during our marriage. But, I would never take my ex back.
Our sex life was fantastic. Sex with my b/f is different than with my ex. I think my b/f feels inadequate when it comes to that area. Whether he is feeling insecure because of this, I am not sure. I have never complained and am very happy with my b/f. My ex is also a smooth talker and con. Maybe my b/f thinks I will fall back in his web again. Again, I don't love my ex-husband and my b/f should know that.

[Aegis]

I had to re-read that a couple times, but you say while dating your b/f, you took your ex back 3 times? If I understood that correctly, I can see this b/f of yours is thinking you're ready to take your ex back a 4th time, any day now.

[younglady50]

No, No, when I was married to my ex-husband and during our separation is when I took him back 3 times. I never took him back once I was divorced.