I'm just not sure... Guidance Please :(

[someguyinworld]

I have been going out with this girl for 8 months and have recently been feeling some doubts about our relationship so far.

When we got together, she basically visited me at my house so much that we basically started living together about 2 months into our relationship.

This girl is my “first” everything, I’ve never had a girlfriend previously and she’s basically taught me about relationships.

She sincerely treats me good and cares about me. From a totally objective standpoint, she is genuinely a good person.

Despite this, she is also somewhat average. The college she graduated from is basically a no-name college and her family is not financially well-off (from what I’ve seen, if I do end up marrying this girl, we may have to support her parents in their later years).

These 2 points are literally the only things that I’m unsatisfied with.

Other than that, she’s funny, generous and I can actually talk to her about most of my problems or just talk about life. Living together with her is surprisingly comfortable.

I spoke to my friend about how happy I was with her, but my friend raised an interesting question to me, “She may genuinely be a good girl, but how would you know, seeing as she’s your first and only girlfriend?”

“Maybe there’s someone out there that you would like even more? But you don’t know. You literally have no other girls to compare to, so of course you’re happy.”

On one hand, I am happy with my girlfriend, but on the other, is this it? Is this the girl I’ll be spending the rest of my life with? Could I find someone out there better? I’m still young (24 years old), and although some would tell me, “You’re young! Just go out and have fun, sleep around etc…” I’m only interested in serious relationships.

Should I break up with her? Stay together? Maybe temporarily separate? Talk to her about dating other people for a period of time before getting back together? I really don’t have a clue…

Also, when I met this girl, she had no direction for her future. I, however, did.

In a few years, I want to go abroad to the USA to get my Masters/MBA, then work for a couple years then start my own business. After I told her that, she decided to start taking TOEFL classes (basically a fairly challenging English examination, testing one’s English ability at least at the High School/University level) and also wants to get a Masters in the US. Obviously she lacks the financial capacity right now, so she’s spent time making a budget and saving money to go abroad, even with plans to take a big loan out just to do this.

In my mind, I’m really surprised she would do this for me. Taking a step back, she’s essentially sacrificing so much time, money, effort just to be with me.

But… is this what she really wants? I talked to her about it and she says, “Yes, of course it’s what I want.” I’m not sure if she’s doing it just because I’m doing it, or if she really wants to. She said it was something she wanted to do, but I can’t help but feel that if she regrets this decision, she’ll blame me.

Things I don’t want to do:

1. Waste her time (as in, if she doesn’t have a future with me, I’d rather break up with her so she can find someone “right”)
2. Mislead her into a achieving my dream, but not hers. (She wants to come to America after she met me, not because of herself. What would happen if I broke up with her in America? I would also hate for her to be with me for 5+ years then realize this is not what she wanted to do with her life.)

I care about her enough that I can’t waste her time. I just can’t do that to her. She’s too good for me to do something like that. Tears are literally rolling down my cheeks as I imagine her leaving my side, but I think it’s the right thing to do if I don’t think it’s going to work out.

Maybe I’m being indecisive. Some would probably ask me, “Do you love her or not? It’s really black and white.” But it’s not.

I’m so young (in my mindset, I’m not getting married at least for the next 6 years), so much can change in 6 years. Maybe tomorrow she’ll find someone else, maybe I will. Maybe suddenly I get fired from my job, then have to go back to America without my girlfriend… who knows? I haven’t dated anyone else, so I don’t know how “good” my current girlfriend is.

The bottom line is:

1. I do like her very much (she’s a great person)
2. I’m uncertain for the future (could I find someone else? This is my first girlfriend…)
3. If I did end up tying the knot with her, would I suffer emotionally and financially due to her family? (money and the fact that parents on both sides think we’re unsuitable for each other for different reasons, despite our similar personalities and how well we get along)
4. I care about her so much, but on the same token, if I can’t make a decision, I don’t want to waste her time with me, when she could be with someone else that could make her even happier

Sorry for the messy “essay”, I’m just kind of spilling my brain onto paper right now and there’s so many thoughts swirling through my head.

I hope there is someone out there that has enough time to read my thoughts and let me know how they feel. Thank you for everyone’s patience.

[IndiReloaded]

Well, even ppl who think they've met "The One" in their first BF/GF usually eventually realize their SO isn't quite all they thought they were.

Its a combination of maturity & experience. Maturity means you know yourself well enough to understand what would best suit you in a partner.

Experience means you have interacted with enough ppl to give you an idea of how to best attract, and keep, someone with the qualities you require.

Think about what that might mean to you in your current situation & post your thoughts.

[Mish]

Despite this, she is also somewhat average. The college she graduated from is basically a no-name college and her family is not financially well-off (from what I’ve seen, if I do end up marrying this girl, we may have to support her parents in their later years).

Could I find someone out there better?

You most certainly can.

Though there is no guarantee that this someone better you will find won't consider you too average or not enough financially well off and leave you for someone better as well.

I care about her enough that I can’t waste her time. I just can’t do that to her. She’s too good for me to do something like that. Tears are literally rolling down my cheeks as I imagine her leaving my side, but I think it’s the right thing to do if I don’t think it’s going to work out.

I’m so young (in my mindset, I’m not getting married at least for the next 6 years), so much can change in 6 years. Maybe tomorrow she’ll find someone else, maybe I will. Maybe suddenly I get fired from my job, then have to go back to America without my girlfriend… who knows? I haven’t dated anyone else, so I don’t know how “good” my current girlfriend is.

It sounds like you've already made up your mind with this. Don't waste her or your time if you are this confused.

[Cain]

Why have you never had another relationship?

[Junket]

Don't let her take such a big step with you if you're not sure.

Because if you're not sure, then you're already leaning towards a break up down the line.

Comfortable can be very boring.