Not actually a "break up", but is this really the end?

[Indestructible]

I don't know who's read my topics, and who hasn't, so I'll just post some backstory, so you guys understand what's going on here. I'm 19 now, but when I was a little kid, I met a girl and ever since, I was just totally in love with her. I was too shy to let on, back then, but after a few years, she kinda started to see it, and didn't seem to mind me liking her. Anyway, I hadn't seen her for years, but earlier this year, I got back in touch with her via MySpace, and she seemed almost unusually happy to hear from me.

At the time, though, she had a boyfriend. Still, we messaged back and forth a bit, and I got to learn about the kind of person she is now (her goals and passions in life, etc.). I made sure to keep things as light and casual as possible, so as to avoid coming coming between her relationship, but I found my feelings coming back. 'Bout a month ago, her and her boyfriend split up (why I don't know; neither of us ever mentioned the fact she had a boyfriend, so she never told me anything about him).

I felt a little bad thinking of trying to start something with her so soon after she got out of a relationship, but she goes to a school that's somewhat of a distance from where she lives at home, so I wanted to try and get something going between her and I BEFORE she went back to school. So, a week ago, I decided to message her, and just casually talk about meeting up, catching up in person, etc., but she just... never responded. Normally, it takes her a while to respond to my messages, since she doesn't use MySpace much anymore (she pretty much migrated to Facebook), but it appears I've been blown off, here...

Part of me is really mad, and I kinda of made this topic to vent... It just doesn't make sense to me, for a few reasons. For one, the reason I found her in the first place is because I was highly considering the college she goes to, and by dumb luck, I found out that that's where she was going. So, early on, I was talking to her about that, and she seemed fine with me going there; she even went as far to say that she'd be happy to show me around there and help me get comfortable and settle in. So why say all that, then blow me off NOW? I ended up deciding to go to a different school, anyway, but she doesn't know that yet. So, for all she knows, I could still be going to the same school as her, and she'd likely see me sooner or later anyway...

I know she at least got the message, because she has it set on her MySpace that she has to approve any comments she gets before allowing them to be posted, and my message is right there on her page. Hell, if I were going to blow some one off, I wouldn't have done that; I'd have just not approved the comment, and played dumb, saying something like "Oh, uh... I never got that message, I don't know what you're talking about...". Meh. Whatever.

So, I dunno... I can't help but wonder, is this something that's salvageable? Or is all hope lost of anything ever happening between me and this girl? I mean, don't get me wrong, I'm not going to sit around waiting to see what goes on her life. I'm not going to pine after her; but I want to at least keep her on my radar, just in case, you know? Is that even possible, or is this "blow off" just the end of things completely?

[Yacker]

So your saying all your communication with this girl has been in public viewed comments? You can't be serious. Also some people take a while to respond to things even if they log on everyday. Doesn't mean they want to respond right away. I think you need to take a step back and chill out about this girl. Contact her in few weeks or something. Sorry your going through much emotional crap about it, that is never fun. People go through situations like this daily with lots of people and a lot of the time they just brush it off and go on with their lives. You need to do the same with this girl as she doesn't have the invested interest you are looking for. Any further contact will probably push her away.

[Indestructible]

Well, not all of my messages were ones viewable to the general public, only the really casual ones. The rest I sent as private messages. I guess in hindsight, I probably should've sent that last one as a private message, but I didn't really see it as that big of a deal. I figured if I did that, she'd probably right away assume the worst, and think I'm straight up asking her out on a date, and I didn't want her to jump to that conclusion.

I figure I'll at least give her until the weekend to answer me; who knows? Maybe for all I know, I'm jumping to conclusions; maybe she hasn't had access to her computer lately, or something. But any longer than that, and I'll just assume she's not going to answer. If/ when I ever write to her again, though, I'm at a loss for words as to what to say... I have half a mind to write her and say something like "So I take your lack of response as a no? Yanno, you could just tell me that, instead of playing these games...", but I know that definitely wouldn't help my case with her in the future... *Sigh*

[Yacker]

You definitely should not conclude things for her. That is a good way to make things never happen. Your best bet is to just chill out and do nothing for a long while unless she responds. Like I said wait a few weeks then send her something private and light and go from there.

[Indestructible]

Well, what kind of message would you suggest to her, if/ when I message her in a few weeks? I have no idea what to say to her without sounding awkward.

[Citycat]

Forget her and approach some girl offline instead.

Just put yourself in her place - if you received a message from a girl you find hot and cute, why would you hesitate in texting her back for a second? Reality check, she doesn't find you special. Period. Truth hurts. Move on.

[Indestructible]

Just put yourself in her place - if you received a message from a girl you find hot and cute, why would you hesitate in texting her back for a second? Reality check, she doesn't find you special. Period. Truth hurts. Move on.

Well, to be fair, if it had been a long time since I'd seen said rhetorical girl, I guess I might hesistate, at first, too. Plus, who knows, maybe it's not necessarily me, specifically, that she "doesn't find special". She DID just get out of a relationship about a month ago; maybe she's not ready to date, yet, and when I wrote her, even though I didn't make it out like a date, maybe she just assumed the worst, but wasn't entirely sure, so she didn't know how to respond?

Really, I wasn't actually trying to get her on a "date" right away. I've never expected her to be crazy about me the way I am about her right away (especially considering she never really knew the extent of my feelings for her). My goal has always been to try to get her to like me now, not see if she's liked me all this time, too. What's more is, if this IS the "end" for me and her, I don't want her last thought of me to be some creepy guy she hasn't seen in years randomly asking her out on a date. I wish I could clarify things for her, without appearing weird... :/

[Aegis]

Without reading anything but the last two posts, I say, if she were interested in you, and just got out of a relationship, you stand a good chance of being the rebound guy, but if you've already made your desire for her clear and she hasn't taken you up on it, I think it might be safe to say doing more in the short term won't make her change her mind.

Again, since I only read the last two posts, the above may be completely irrelevant. I think it took less time to type though than actually reading the whole thread just to come to the conclusion that I'm not even qualified to comment. So yeah.

[Citycat]

^Aegis, you're right.

She DID just get out of a relationship about a month ago

"Just". A month is enough. A month after a relationship a girl either:

1) wants to get back with her ex - in this scenario you're off
2) wants to meet someone new and awesome, if not for serious, at least for rebound - in this case you also lose, cos she knows who you are and hasn't still shown any interest.

maybe she's not ready to date

Oh, she is so ready, believe me, I know from experience.

Anyways, here's what you can do: you can text her again in some time, tell her you'd like to see her and invite her for a cup of coffee or something. If she doesn't respond to that message or doesn't want to go out with you, then forget her once and for all. I honestly doubt that she'll all of a sudden want to see you. But, hey, you know what, prove me wrong, I'd like that.

[Indestructible]

Without reading anything but the last two posts, I say, if she were interested in you, and just got out of a relationship, you stand a good chance of being the rebound guy, but if you've already made your desire for her clear and she hasn't taken you up on it, I think it might be safe to say doing more in the short term won't make her change her mind.

Again, since I only read the last two posts, the above may be completely irrelevant. I think it took less time to type though than actually reading the whole thread just to come to the conclusion that I'm not even qualified to comment. So yeah.

Well, to be honest, I haven't really made anything "clear" to her, yet. While she had a boyfriend, I tried not to seem too interested, and since they've broken up, I haven't really advanced on that all that much. All I've really done is casually ask her about meeting up (without making it sound like a date).

"Just". A month is enough. A month after a relationship a girl either:

1) wants to get back with her ex - in this scenario you're off
2) wants to meet someone new and awesome, if not for serious, at least for rebound - in this case you also lose, cos she knows who you are and hasn't still shown any interest.

Eh, it doesn't seem like she wants back with her ex, and right now, she's home for the summer, so I can't imagine she's expecting to meet some one new while at home.

Anyways, here's what you can do: you can text her again in some time, tell her you'd like to see her and invite her for a cup of coffee or something. If she doesn't respond to that message or doesn't want to go out with you, then forget her once and for all. I honestly doubt that she'll all of a sudden want to see you.

Would it maybe be better if, rather than basically ask her the same thing, I sort of just send a followup to the last message I wrote? Something like (and I'm just paraphrasing) "I didn't scare ya off with that last message, did I? lol".

[Citycat]

What's your sign? You're so persistent.

[Indestructible]

Sagittarius I don't know anything about that stuff, though, so I don't know if that's one of my sign's qualities, lol.

But yeah, it's just... It's been such a long time I've been carrying feelings for this girl around, and if there's even a small chance I could get with her, I don't want to just throw in the towel, yanno?

[Citycat]

Ok, I see.

Do you meet her offline and how often? Do you know where she's going out?

[Indestructible]

Nah, I haven't seen her yet; that's why I had sent her that message about meeting up. I'm not sure what you mean by "where she's going out", though...

[Citycat]

By that I meant to which clubs she's going, to which cafes, where she circulates... Do you have a common friend? Maybe he could invite both of you to his house.