Long distance relationship - how should I act?

[helpinneed123]

Well, we met at a writer's workshop in new york; she's from the midwest, I'm from new york.

We didn't realize that we liked each other until the very last second at the workshop. Now we've been talking often via email, facebook, AIM and web cam for three weeks.

We both are crazy about each other but she fears that it's going to dwindle in the future. We're making plans to visit each other, possibly twice until the end of the year.

I want to send flowers, something that means "have hope" or "this is going to work, we just need patience."

Is this a good idea, given the conditions?

Oh, and we're both 17 and her parents do not know about it yet. If I did send them, it would be at a time they wouldn't be home...if that's even possible to do on those websites, I don't know.

Thank you. And I wrote a message. I could PM it to someone if they are willing to read it and tell me what they think and maybe tell me if it's corny?

Thank you.

[Cain]

Don't get your hopes up, man. LDRs are absolute relationship killers, even for those that had long relationships before the distance.

I used to think that LDRs could be overcome, but I'm not so sure anymore.

[helpinneed123]

Well, I think it could work. She is something really special and I know that that's probably said every time but...

We only have till June until the long distance ends; with maybe 3-4 visits spaced in there, I think it can be done. It won't be easy but I think it can be done.

What about the flowers?

[lesa]

Forget the flowers since the parents do not know.

I would not ever try a long distance relationship at 17...live life.

[Junket]

LDR's are not meant to be long term.

You wait long enough and they will die, I guarantee it.

Y'might think that visiting will be enough, and initially it will be, but soon you'll both come to realize it's not enough, and probably way too expensive.

[lesa]

way too expensive.

indeed it is

I could have owned another cheap car with the traveling money. I shouldn't complain

[IndiReloaded]

LDR's are not meant to be long term.

You wait long enough and they will die, I guarantee it.

Agreed. LDRs only work under two conditions:

1. A reasonable history *before* the separation

2. A well-defined end point to the separation

Visits and the like are fine & help to keep things on track, but they are only meant to be stop gaps.

Of course, I know ppl who are serial LDR monogamists. Usually as a coping mechanism for avoiding a true commitment. When the relationship naturally dies over time its onto the next victim, ahem, partner.

So go for it if you like, but keep your expectations under control, esp at your young age.

[helpinneed123]

The separation ends for good in June, with the visits acting to shorten the gap until then.

[IndiReloaded]

Well, that's not too bad. Just hang in there, then.

[Cain]

Just don't get your hopes up.

[Petit Papillon]

And I just have ended LDR . But not because of the distance,it's just because he was an asshole. And it's not that he has cheated on me ,just because I was far away,he has cheated even when we were spending time together.And I planned to move closer to him (only 200km from him) lol . Well, it's too late to change my plan,soo...So and so I am moving to this place,but I don't regret.I just regret that I believed such an assface like him.And honestly.If I would need to be in LDR again,I would do it.And I still belive that there are good fishes in the sea

And if it's about You. Well TRY You have nothing to loose . And broken hearts can be cured so just try.Maybe it's this what You're looking for

[helpinneed123]

Thank you. She is just what I'm looking for.