How do I get her to move out??

[Spinner]

Hello,
I am at my wit's end...hope some of you can give me some advice, or a kick in the ass, etc.

My situation is: My so-called GF of about 11 years moved in with me about 3 years ago, because she lost her job and laid on the guilt trip about having nowhere to go (long story, she resided at her workplace). I was hesitant, but eventually said ok. Then she moved in, and took over my house. We started to fight constantly. (Frankly, our relationship was going south for the past 5 years...but I just "settled") We have been in separate bedrooms for about 4 months now. I have been straightforward with her for the past 5 months about wanting her to move out, get a place of her own, that I don't feel we have a viable relationship anymore. What does she do? She storms out of the room when I try to talk to her about this. She calls me an a-hole, bastard, you name it. I say to her "well if I'm that awful, why are you still here?" And the response: silence. She'll go to "her" room and lock the door.

She has had a job now for 2 years, but refuses to help me with any living expenses. She spends her money on herself and gifts for me and my son (I'm divorced w. weekend custody). She claims she doesn't make enough to give me $200 a month to help with utilities & the mortgage, and gets very irate whenever I bring this subject up.

The thing is, I can't bear to just "throw her out" - plus, she's got so much crap in my house, it'd take the better part of a week to clear it all out. I don't want her to hate me...I want her to understand and to move out of her own accord. I constantly tell her I will help her find a place, help her move, etc. The thing is, she does have options - she could move back w. her family, she has friends she could be roommates with. But she simply refuses to talk about this, and just calls me names instead, says all I want to do is "fight".

Complicating matters is that I have met another woman that is everything I ever dreamed of in a partner. She is single, lives on her own, and cares for me as much as I do for her. But, I just can't "be" with her until I get the GF out of my house. I've even told GF that I have feelings for someone else, have bought gifts for her in front of GF, have told GF every time I've spent time with new girl. Her reaction? Absolutely nothing. Total silence. Acts like nothing's happened. Have you ever heard of such a person? Most women would be packing their bags, or at least trying to do stuff to make things better. Not her...she just bitches at me, acts pissy for awhile, then goes about her merry way.

The other thing I'm worried about is what she could do to me legally. I have a friend who broke up with his live-in GF, a little pushing & shoving occurred, and next thing he knows, he's thrown out of his own house with a restraining order against him, and still has to continue to make the mortgage payments. My GF has the potential to be very nasty.

What do I do about this? How can I resolve this situation and get GF to move out in the most civilized manner? This is tearing me apart.

Thanks for listening

[BillyGalbreath]

if the place is in YOUR name and she wont leave on her own call the cops - they will forcefully remove her from the residence if need be -- But NEVER EVER force her out yourself - been there done that... not good.

If the place is in BOTH your names your screwed - and if its in HER name you totally f***ed...

But seeing that see moved in 3 years ago - i am assuming this is YOUr place in YOUR name... Tell her to leave or you will have to get the authorities... If she then still does not go - call the police and have them come out and talk to her --- 9 times out of 10 she will flip out on the cops and they will end up forcefully removing her... the other 1 out of 10 she will pack and leave right then and there.

Good luck

[squirrley]

You do have a nut job on your hands and in your own home? Damn do I feel sorry for you...she totally thinks that this will blow over-no doubt- you fight she goes to her room things cool off til the next arguement.

Youre not screwed here-your name is on the house-she has NO legal rights. She cant claim jack shit on you. Tell you'll give her 30 days to find another place...start nice-if she gives you shit about it-then tell her if shes not gone by then you will be forced to have the authorities called. Youve had enough and you cant live like that-its not fair to you or her-point that out to her(if you havent already)

Sounds like youve got the worst of the worst for women living under your roof. That was damn wrong of her to "move in" the way she did-you were being kind to extend to her your generosity-she took full blown advantage of it. If your at your wits end-you HAVE to put your foot down. Lay the law at her face...Some people just dont get it-she obviously doesnt. And other forceful actions sometimes have to be taken-such as your case!!

I cant believe you put up with her for that long???

Goodluck to you man-get her ass OUT

[leight69]

If its your place (as Billy said) - give her an ultimatum and don't back down. As much as you dont want her to hate you....too bad eh! that's that way these things work..

Make arrangements to have her moved out by a certain date, and let her know. That you're going to have her moved out by "the end of the month" (or whenever). - Let her call you all kinds of names, if you want to snap back you could say "and calling me these names makes me want to keep you here?"

Seriously as soon as you get her out the you'll wonder why you didnt do it earlier.

[sfalexi]

One name . . .

Judge Joe Brown.

Let me know when you're on cause I wanna watch!

Seriously, get a court order. Since you DO have a history, and have been so generous so far she really should have respected your help but obviously isn't. Tell her if she hasn't left in a month you'll be forced to get a court order.

No matter what you do, it's gonna sound like a 'threat' so just be careful that it doesn't sound TOO threatening (I don't know what kind of girl she is, but God forbid the day before she moves out she decides to go haywire on your stuff, valuable or not.) A forced eviction can make someone do some strange things . . .

Alexi

[BillyGalbreath]

Court order my ass - why spend the money on something like that ?! Just call the police and tell them the whole story of how you have given her ample time to move out on her own... etc etc... The cops will make her leave. I have done this to like 3 diff ppl before that screwed me over for not paying me rent. - With a court order you will have to pay out the ass and wait a long while for the court date... Just call the police and get them out there.

[Spinner]

Hey thanks everyone for your responses. God the thought of calling the cops on her just makes me want to puke. It seems like it'd be so humiliating for her and me as well...we have close ties to the neighbors, this is a family neighborhood, having cops show up is unheard of. BTW, I do own the house in my name only.

I think maybe she's starting to realize that I'm not in this relationship anymore...duh...and she doesn't like it. We fought constantly this past weekend - I must have told her she needs to move out a thousand times. She just gets mouthy, calls me an idiot, an asshole, a bastard...all in front of my teenage son, too, which pisses me off big time.

I'd be curious to hear from some women here about how to handle her. I mean, come one, wouldn't most women have more of a reaction when the person they've been seeing for 11 years, and living with for 3 of them, do the following?
- Tell you they have feelings for another woman
- Start spending time with that woman, and telling you so
- Buying gifts for that woman in front of you
- Telling you over & over you need to move out
- Not ever buying you gifts or doing anything with you for months
- Telling you you're not welcome in my bedroom anymore
- Not showing you any kind of affection, refusing to hug you when you ask me to, refusing to hold your hand


It's like GF doesn't "believe me" when I talk about all this - especially the new friend. She refers to her as my "imaginary friend" or "your right hand". I even talk about her using her name, for God's sake!

My new friend is going on a 4-day trip in a couple of weeks, and she invited me to go along - the trip involves an outdoor activity we both enjoy (but GF doesn't). I told GF that I wanted to go on this trip with new friend...and you know what her response was? "Ok, I'll ask for that time off of work." I'm, like, NO - you don't get it, I am going with HER and not YOU. WTF is wrong with this woman?

[Stolen]

wow.. she sounds psycho.... If I had a boyfriend that did all that to me, I'd be long gone.
From what you're saying- there is absolutely no way for you to get rid of her "peacefully" you've already tried. There is no way left for you to do this nicely. Forget being a nice guy... she's got to get out of your friggen life. You want to move on. She needs to go.


One- Give her a date to be gone. Give her at least two weeks. WRITE THIS ON A CALENDAR or something... have a countdown on it like "9 days left b4 GF moves out"... and forget what she says... remind her how many days she has left every morning. Make it VERY clear that this is ABSOLUTELY FINAL

Two- if she's got about a week left in your house and hasn't packed yet- bring home boxes and start packing her stuff up with/for her.....

Last... when this FINAL DAY comes rolling around her stuff has got to be packed and if she doesn't leave. Put her stuff outside and change the lock.

[dragoon]

No offense man, but why are you taking this? She doesn't sound like she's adding anything to your life, is taking away a whole hell of a lot, and keeping you from a girl you could really love? It's not easy, but you really have to think of only yourself here. She's not leaving because she knows you'll back down. I'd give her an ultimatum, and after that call the cops. Screw her feelings, she obviously doesn't care about yours. And do you really think a friendship or anything can really be salvaged from this? Cut your losses while you still can.

[bluesummer]

I agree, there is really no relationship worth salvaging here, look how she's treated you! She's used you, verbally abused you (in front of your own CHILD at that), and is obviously living on some fantasy planet that refuses to allow her to accept that you've moved on from her. Sometimes, you have to bite the bullet and put your own best interests first. Even if not yours, how about your kid? Does he deserve to be in this atmosphere, living with a woman that clearly has no respect for you? I say give her notice she has to leave. Let her throw her hissy fit, but don't back down. If she won't pack, pack for her. And if she's not out by the specified date, have her removed. Don't worry about her being hurt or offended, because obviously she has no regard for your feelings.

[eXeSSum]

true she wouldnt be long gone in my case untill i heard you have kids sry here it comes this changes everything

only for this idd still try to fix the problems and i must say it, like it looks ...NEARLY impossible

if i read it right you live together3 yrs well you need to hang in there

what might help to fix this is stopping with all the effort, seeing it only comes from one side and examine how she reacts to it also dont kiss unless youre being kissed dont hug unless she comes to you ect...make sure the change is verry sudden nd noticeable...ill bet there ll be sum change...nd i dont think youre afraid of that

also i think if relations are this bad its mostlikely coming from two sides dont feel attacked here i can understand if you get this treatement for 2 months idd make mistakes to but you must realise that they do make things worse nd make her even more difficult

if you got a big wallet this could help ...do a 1 month holiday to a romantic location could do the trick away from dayly life one week not enough to lose bad feelings 3 weeks alot better totally relaxed then try to make up with the famous rule the past is the past

note this only works once

so finally it up to you

make up youre mind said it a thousand times leave my house get lost buzz off and you say she badmouths you

well like others said call police make her leave the right way

or

fix it for the childerens sake

i wish you the best of luck greets eXeSSum

[Stirfry]

Throw all her shit out the door and change door lock keys.
I think that's very fair. What a psycho.

There's no point in dragging these things out... you've been exceedingly accomodating to her craziness, now its time for drastic measures.

[squirrley]

Stirfry honey, this thread is over 3 and half years old. I hope this guy has moved on since then!

[Stirfry]

The dates are in such tiny letters... : /

[BlackTop]

I have a solution for you :
Sell the house.

Sorry it seems like it would be the easiest way to get her out of your life...