Don't know where it is going..help!

[garyjo81]

Hi guys and gals, I have a big problem at the moment with my relationship I am no idea whether to continue or not with it. Me and this girl been seeing eachother for around 17 months now, which was great to start with but we always had a big argument every now and then. We had a few rough times where we nearly broke up, but one of us always ran back. Had a couple of months break early this year and then started "seeing one another" again but it just doesn't wanna budge any more than that. I enjoy my time with her very much so and so does she, but she's worried it's just gonna end up in a big row like last time. We argue about the stupidist things, and way too often - this makes me very unhappy about the situation.

I know that it's probably doing neither of us any good in the long term by seeing eachother and I sort of do want more than that but don't want it to end where it did before. You'll all look at this and think just end it mate but it's not as easy as that..I'm not sure if its so hard cus of being scared of being on my own or because I will actually miss her so much. I know I am worried about who she will start seeing if we end things completely etc, I get jealous easily..

Thanks for reading,
Gary

[jillibean]

hi gary,
it sounds like a personality clash. of course regular arguing with some one you care for makes you unhappy. and it sounds like your pretty aware of yourself, eg tendencie to be jealous, fear of being alone which is a good thing.
are your arguments usually about the same issues? or does something stupid spark it off.
i would say you both show you want to make it work as you keep going back to each other( i have also been here!) but if its not moving along its gonna make you more confused and unhappy. if you really want it to work with this girl, and for the right reasons, staying in a relationship out of fear of being alone or fear of being left behind are understandable but not the best grounds for a happy relationship.
try to talk to her about where the arguments are coming from and single out some issues as best you can this may help solve something and not build up. in my past relationship that was always the case.
tell her how you feel and what you want.
your 17 mths in and thats a fair amount of time i know its not easy walking away from that.
sometimes people just arent right for eachother, but if its meant to be for you two, you will find a way to work things out.
i wish you the best of luck. hugs.

[XPRabbit]

"I'm not sure if its so hard cus of being scared of being on my own or because I will actually miss her so much." I think that's the biggest factor here... I mean a fight here and there now and again isn't always unhealthy but that's a whole 'nother discussion in itself. If you love her and wish to be with her then I think you should evaluate what starts these fights and work with them instead of running away. would it be too watered down to say "if it's ment to be then all will work out"? the reason i ask is because people tend to think that it means all will be perfect, that's not the case when I read it. arguments will come and go, it comes with having opinions of our own and I'm sure every couple can find there touchy subjects.
I understand the jealousy thing... it's truly a wicked monster. have you spoken with her about your concerns here... i can see where bringing this up can be scary especially in a relationship that you have described. another factor is how she views the relationship.

Sir, i have a strong belief that two people that want to make it work will find a way to do it. if you want to make it work then don't look at these fights as a threat to the relationship but instead see them as a reason to talk more in civil situations. because it seems to be fights become easier to avoid or to control when the persons involved know more about each other.

now I'm not that experienced in relationships and it's all opinion but that's my take on it. hope it helps even a little.