Left out.

[Time Piece]

Quick background…

Met this girl, dated, fell in love, and asked her to marry me. She accepted and now we are engaged to be married.

We dated for 6 months when I asked her to marry me. We have not set a date and will get married in about a year.

Issue…

Her 40th birthday is coming up in about a month and she has made plans. Her plans are to be with her friends and her best friend the entire day and I am NOT invited.

OUCH!

I feel totally left out of an important part of her life and this hurts big time.

Should I?

She says she really doesn’t want to celebrate it but her friends are putting it together and it will be girls only.

Thoughts?

[miSSleepy]

I can understand her choice, you should make an effort too. She's marrying you soon, and that day will be yours and hers, and many days after that. Maybe she wants herself, and only herself, for this one day on her birthday.

[starbuck]

She says she really doesn’t want to celebrate it but her friends are putting it together and it will be girls only.

Thoughts?

I don't think you should feel hurt. You're making a bigger deal out of it than she is. She already said she doesn't want to celebrate it, so she may not even feel it's as momentous as you. She could be one of those people for whom age is just a number, and doesn't feel like it's a big a deal. I wouldn't sweat it.

[ecojeanne]

well it sounds like she has good friends that want mark the occasion in their own way, ye its ok to feel the way do...but take it as something that happens with bezzie mates....it will happen again and again throughout ur relationship....at the end of the day she will spend the rest of her life with u

[lesa]

It sounds like a preplanned 'girls only' party by her friends. I understand feeling upset but I would keep much of it to myself and pick her up from the party to have a special one-on-one party with the two of you. She would love that!

Leave her to her group parties but remember you will always be invited to the much more important and exclusive lover's only party.

[Time Piece]

It sounds like a preplanned 'girls only' party by her friends.

Allow me to expand further.

She originally told me she was not sure what she wanted to do and was considering being by herself.

She has stated repeatedly that she is not looking forward to turning 40.

I asked her if she would like to go on a cruise, get pampered and get away from it all. After thinking about it she said yes and to get her the exact dated so she knew what days to take off.

I was putting the final touches on it when she calls me to inform me her best friend was mad she would not be their on her birthday. She said she UNDERSTOOD how she felt.

So she cancels the cruise with me (no money lost just time and effort) and then turns around and tells me that she will be spending it with her best friend and other girlfriends and that now I’m not invited.

I tell her how can she say in one breath how her best friend feels and know that wasn’t fair to her yet now it’s o.k. to exclude me knowing I feel the same way as her best friend.

Am I making a mountain out of a mole hill here?

[CAM]

Yeah, you are. She's 40 y/o. In relative terms, six months is nothing. She's had a life before you and she wants to spend one last time with her friends alone...her birthday. If she were 20 and you were 20, then it would be different.

[lesa]

I don't think you are making a mountain out of a mole hill. It's very understandable how you feel, especially since it was not preplanned.

She seems to have an issue with turning the big 4 0 and many women do. Her friends probably have a comedy skit and things going on to deal with that issue. It may be vulgar and more appropriately geared towards women (you may feel like an outsider there and she would not be able to 'fully enjoy' herself. It will be something she will remember....she will move on and know that 40 is not a big deal.

You can see her later. She will appreciate it. Unless there are major signs of something going on, I would let it be.

[Time Piece]

Unless there are major signs of something going on, I would let it be.

Can you please expand on what you mean by this?

Curious.

[lesa]

Can you please expand on what you mean by this?

Curious.

Oops, I was thinking that you thought something more was going on with her intentions to having a girl's night only.

You are feeling left out of an important event and not suspecting infidelity, etc. correct?

I understand feeling left out but she is not indicating that the relationship is in jeopardy. Or is she?

[Time Piece]

Oops, I was thinking that you thought something more was going on with her intentions to having a girl's night only.

Uh, the thought did cross my mind and it’s funny that you would bring it up, thought you maybe driving at that.

You are feeling left out of an important event and not suspecting infidelity, etc. correct?

Possibly.

On one hand I don’t want my imagination running wild on the other I don’t want to just close my eyes.

I understand feeling left out but she is not indicating that the relationship is in jeopardy. Or is she?

No, not at all.

She's not indicating at all that the relationship is in jeopardy.

But let me ask you a question!

Everything SEEMS to be fine although there are times I wonder (again, could just be my mind running wild).

She can and in fact at times is aloof.

IF she where seeing someone else on her B-day why in the heck would she be with me in the first place?

Why not just dump me and go with whomever else she where seeing?

Obviously, I’m not saying she is but IF she where why keep me around?

[shh!]

I really don't know why you are making such a mountain out of a mole hill. If my man behaved this way over my wanting to mourn turning 40 with some girlfriends, I'd be annoyed by his clinginess. It's just a birthday, for crying out loud.

Sorry.

[Time Piece]

I really don't know why you are making such a mountain out of a mole hill. If my man behaved this way over my wanting to mourn turning 40 with some girlfriends, I'd be annoyed by his clinginess. It's just a birthday, for crying out loud.

Sorry.

No need to apologize and thank you for responding.

FYI, after talking to her I told her to have a good time and that it was her birthday and do what she wanted.

At this point i'm just trying to get things clear in my head.

[shh!]

Just take her out the day before or the day after... whenever fits into both your schedules. It really isn't necessary to celebrate on the EXACT day once you are past the age of 12 or so.