A little... depressing...

[Cain]

I haven't been coming here as much as I used to because I've been feeling kind of down lately. It all stems from these issues with my ex. I'm finding it hard not to analyze the situation and my feelings.

This girl is literally driving me crazy. I look at what I've turned into since we've broken up and I'm not liking it at all. But I'm placing most of the blame on her. Every time we talk, there's a new development to our relationship. If she would have told me when we first broke up that she didn't love me anymore, that she didn't want to be with me, and that she wanted us to go our separate ways, I'd have been able to start moving on. But she didn't. She said that she wasn't saying it was over, but that she just wanted some time... because she still saw me in her future.

We would stop talking and then she would do something to show that she cared, and when I moved forward, she'd shut me right the hell down. Last week or so, we decided that we needed to go with no contact again, and I was ready for it. I told her that until she contacted me, I wouldn't contact her. Three days later she sends me a text message. I thought that meant she was ready to talk again. I was obviously wrong, because things just got even worse... when SHE was the one that started talking again.

She used to put lyrics to love songs in her away message when we were together, always letting me know that they were for me. She stopped doing it with lyrics some time ago but still kept little messages for me. When we broke up, it obviously all stopped. But then a week ago, for about three days straight, she started doing it again. She knows that I'd think they might have been for me since she had done it while we were together. Apparently I was wrong.

She's different. She's not the same girl I fell in love with right now. She's going out A LOT more. It seems like she's trying to keep herself busy as much as possible. I don't know if this is just the real her and she hasn't been letting it come out for the last two years or if she's just trying to keep her mind off of me. I'm starting to become more spiteful and more down regarding her. I'm no longer confident that there isn't a new guy. I still don't think she cheated on me, but I'm not so sure anymore that there isn't another guy she was interested in. But, I won't know. She continues to say that he's just a friend and that she'll tell me when she starts another relationship.

I'm giving up. I mean, there's nothing I can do right now. When we last spoke, she kept downgrading her feelings. She no longer loves me but still cares about me. She doesn't know what happened with us and when I ask she says "just not meant to be maybe... I don't know." It hurts. I hate the idea of losing her. Not so much who she is now, but who she was for the year and a half we were together. She said that she wasn't lying about her feelings when we last saw each other a month ago... but she had to have been. I don't see how someone can go from in love and wanting to marry a person to not even loving them within a month.

I don't expect us to get back together. I'm going to work on moving on and getting over her. I do plan to drive over there this Friday. I've been thinking about it for weeks. I know that people aren't going to recommend it and you all will surely say that it's stupid. Honestly, I have nothing to lose. I mean... I've already lost her. I've been unable to get her out of my thoughts... I go to sleep so I can stop thinking about her but then she shows up in my dreams. She's everywhere no matter what I do. I don't expect us to get back together... but I really need to get things off of my chest and I need to do it face to face. I have things I need to give her and it's cheaper to drive it to her than to mail it anyways.

This has definitely ruined my trust in women for now. I trusted her with everything. But something happened... and she either doesn't know or she won't tell me. I'm just rambling, so I don't even know what the hell I've said in this post... but I'm just feeling really down right now. So tired of this.

[starbuck]

Cain, what do you hope to accomplish by seeing her (besides giving her back her things)? Do you think she'll change her mind? Even if she decided to get back together with you, you're having major trust issues with her right now. Do you think you could go back to trusting her 100%?

My instinct says that this won't be tied up in a neat package for you...ever. I think you might have to learn to be ok with that in order to help you move on.

[shh!]

Going over there may be like rubbing salt into your wound. I really don't know why you'd want to do that.

Just keep in mind that this is your first love... most of us have experienced the kind of pain you are going through right now when our hearts were broken, and we came out stronger for it. You will, too.

::hugs::

[Cain]

Cain, what do you hope to accomplish by seeing her (besides giving her back her things)? Do you think she'll change her mind? Even if she decided to get back together with you, you're having major trust issues with her right now. Do you think you could go back to trusting her 100%?

My instinct says that this won't be tied up in a neat package for you...ever. I think you might have to learn to be ok with that in order to help you move on.

I definitely don't expect us to get back together. I also know that the trust won't be there right now even if we did get back together. All I'm hoping to do is show her that she really hurt me... so that she can work on avoiding doing this to anyone else in the future. And I'm hoping that she's really not as cold as she's seemed. One of the reasons it hurts so much is because she seems to be over it... like it doesn't even bother her. I don't know if it's because she doesn't want me to know it does hurt or if she really doesn't give a shit.

And plus, there's things that she has that I want back. She has said that she'll send them but I don't trust that.

[Cain]

Going over there may be like rubbing salt into your wound. I really don't know why you'd want to do that.

Just keep in mind that this is your first love... most of us have experienced the kind of pain you are going through right now when our hearts were broken, and we came out stronger for it. You will, too.

::hugs::

Seeing her right now will definitely hurt more at the beginning, but I think it'll help me get over this whole situation quicker. Like I said in my previous reply, I just am more bothered by the fact that she doesn't seem to be bothered by the break up at all and I need to know if it's because she really doesn't care or if she's just holding it in. She won't talk about it over the phone.

I know I'll eventually get over it. It really does suck though. The girl I fell in love with was everything I looked for. Beautiful, intelligent, thoughtful, caring, supportive, with a lot of the same morals and beliefs that I had. In all of my years of dating, I'd never found anyone that fit everything I looked for like she did. I know most people say this, but I don't know if I'll find anyone that fits me like the girl I fell in love with.

[nbfsb]

better move on...things are getting complicated.don't let her hurt you again. if a relationship didn't worked out it only means you deserve someone better. =)

[Cain]

better move on...things are getting complicated.don't let her hurt you again. if a relationship didn't worked out it only means you deserve someone better. =)

I know I need to move on.

And things are beyond complicated.

She's already hurt me. I don't really know what could hurt me more.

[Cain]

Starbuck pretty much knows the whole story now, so luckily I don't feel so weird for reacting how I have been.

When I say that this break up came out of nowhere, I really mean this break up came out of nowhere. It's good to know someone actually understands what I'm saying now.

[lesa]

Starbuck pretty much knows the whole story now, so luckily I don't feel so weird for reacting how I have been.

When I say that this break up came out of nowhere, I really mean this break up came out of nowhere. It's good to know someone actually understands what I'm saying now.

**HUGS** It hurts to hear your story.

My somewhat mutual breakup with the ex came out of nowhere. We reacted from negative emotions and ended a long term relationship in a flash without thinking to work it out. It really wasn't due to 'major' breakup issues too. Now we are stuck...we can't get back together after all this time.

It's hurts so much more when a okay relationship ends without significant thoughts to work things out.

I find that it is helpful to just not respond by your first feelings or emotions. Every time you think of contacting the ex---don't. I understand that it's easier said than done.

[starbuck]

Cain, once you're over her, this is the song we'll be singing for you.

[ame="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iAT5ypTjKOI"]YouTube - Justin Timberlake Featuring Timbaland - SexyBack[/ame]

[Cain]

**HUGS** It hurts to hear your story.

My somewhat mutual breakup with the ex came out of nowhere. We reacted from negative emotions and ended a long term relationship in a flash without thinking to work it out. It really wasn't due to 'major' breakup issues too. Now we are stuck...we can't get back together after all this time.

It's hurts so much more when a okay relationship ends without significant thoughts to work things out.

I find that it is helpful to just not respond by your first feelings or emotions. Every time you think of contacting the ex---don't. I understand that it's easier said than done.

The problem is that even after all of this, I still want to be with her.

We never had any big arguments. Our biggest problems would be considered minor in any other relationship. I didn't notice this until I went into my logs, but she was talking about spending the rest of her life with me UP UNTIL two days before we broke up.

It just doesn't make any sense.

[Cain]

Cain, once you're over her, this is the song we'll be singing for you.

You might not even be posting here when I'm finally over her. Hell, LF might not even be around anymore when I'm finally over her.

[miSSleepy]

I hope going over there gives you some closure. Just don't get too (visibly) emotional, act friendly but not too full on. I think you should ask her whatever you need to and try to have a civil conversation ... imagining myself in your shoes, I can see this situation giving me closure and helping me to move on.

Meanwhile, try not to think about what she was like in the past, but what she's like now. I know it's hard not to reminisce, but it prolongs everything and is unrealistic.

[Cain]

I hope going over there gives you some closure. Just don't get too (visibly) emotional, act friendly but not too full on. I think you should ask her whatever you need to and try to have a civil conversation ... imagining myself in your shoes, I can see this situation giving me closure and helping me to move on.

Meanwhile, try not to think about what she was like in the past, but what she's like now. I know it's hard not to reminisce, but it prolongs everything and is unrealistic.

I might not even go. It depends on what I'm feeling when the day comes.

And it's hard to not think about what she was like in the past since the past was like two days before we broke up. It just happened out of nowhere... the sudden change. Hell, she was the old her even a couple of days after we broke up. It wasn't until about 5 days after we broke up that she just seemed to change.

Time will tell if the change was permanent or not.

[Hot*Commodity]

Hi, you know what she knows she has your heart! Why continue to give her that much power? Start today by truly living up to your word of letting go. And letting go means there is no need to return anything...MOVE forward and let what is coming your way take over. Let her GO! There is surely someone better out there.