hi, i need help.

[ihavenoidea]

Hey everybody, I need some help. I have been trying to figure my love life out for the longest time, and i cant seem to find a solution for anything.....

I have been dating this guy for about a year and half now. I was his first REAL adult life girlfriend, and we have been talking about marriage for a while now. And he is a fantastic man. He is nice, honest, has a good upbringing, is disciplined in everything he does, he is a planner, handsome, a bit too conservative, but all around a nice intelligent, and sweet man. He wants commitment, and he loves me so much. I cannot describe how surprised I am because he puts up with a lot of the crap I put him through.
We have, of course, had our ups and downs, and just moments where we cant stand each other, but its all ok in the end.

Well, during this year and a half it has been quite the ride... when we started dating, i dont think he had a CLUE on how relationships worked or how to treat a woman for that matter, but he has really improved. At the first seven months we had gone out to dates about 2 o 3 times... at the MOST. so... i was ready to say bye bye. I understood i was his first real girlfriend, and of course we were in college. We had started being intimate for like 5 months then, and it was ok... not WOW, but ok.
Then, to make matters worse, I got sick, (pre cancer kinda deal) and he just didnt know how to act... here, i was like... (ok, this guys a kid)...when i had dr.s apptments he would just drop me off... and not stay with me... i dont have a car, because i went to school in a different country than where im from, and aside from that, i had no family to come to the appointments with me... he was just very cold about the whole situation... i told him about it... he didnt really say much, but it got a little bit better. I tried breaking up with him then, but heres a FIRST, he said NO. i was like HUH? what? We talked for a little more and I said i didnt want to do it... i got surgery, and i called him (remember... no family)... and he was like... im going out with some friends, (he then said he didnt know i had had surgery). So..... ok... there was a break in between. Things have gotten way better since, and he has learned little by little. Even though after the surgery our sex life, DIED. lets say that since november we have had sex 5 times... the MOST. He came up with this thing saying he wanted to wait until we got married. this made me feel like a guy getting pressured into commitment by a girl who doesnt want to put out. (this sounds horrible i know, but thats how i feel).

Well, one day, we had gotten into a huge argument...and i was bored at my office, because it was the summer, and i worked at the college part time and being summer it was extremely slow... this random guy (very attractive...shallow, i know, but gimme a break)...added me as a friend on facebook. I said whatever, and added him back... turns out, the guy is not from here... but we quickly became friends... i obviously have not met this man, but the time difference allowed us to talk a lot and often... so we kept talking, and we've been friends since. It has grown into more than friendship, (i feel like this sounds so ridiculous.....) i dont know this man, and i feel like hes perfect for me, which the reason this is is because i really havent met him (thats the skeptical part of me)... now.... what this did make me realize was that, i feel more like a mother to my "current" boyfriend, and a friend, rather than a companion. I have told him that i feel this way before and he just really doesnt take it seriously. So i decided I wanted a break. From both. That didnt work too well. i ended up talking to both of them still. But even if i actually took a break from by bf, its like he thinks its a joke. I love him to death, I really do... he makes me laugh and smile and everything, but i dont understand how a stranger can make me feel the way i want my man to make me feel.
Its horrible, because when i started talking to this dude, i wasnt looking for anything, i swear. I was bored. He wants to meet me... and no lie, i want to meet him too, but man... im scared.

Genuinely, i dont want to mess up and lose a wonderful man, over a fling, but I dont want to be with the wrong person for the rest of my life. There are moments where i just look at my guy and thing, damn im so lucky, i cant wait to be with him for the rest of my life, and then there are others where im just like... hmmmmm... ok.. im not sure.
I want to get an MBA in a different country... he doesnt want me to ... he says hes scared ill leave him, but i really want to leave... i dont know.... i feel like an awful person... this just happened, and now im in a mess i dont even now how i got in the first place, and i need to fix it.

[4love]

How does the majority of your heart feel about this guy? If it doesn't feel right you should probably take a break. If that doesn't work and u feel the same way afterward, consider finding a new man.
If this dude you're supposed to marry isn't comfortable with you going off to school because he thinks you're gonna leave him then he's probably insecure and possessive.
If he's not willing to give you space when you approach the subject of breaking up then, that's another bad sign.
I've had the same problem with my gf who hurt me in the past. I was so insecure and paranoid of her potential to hurt me again it ended up ruining a perfectly good relationship (or so it seems to me right now..we're not exactly over it yet and I'm still awaiting a possible decomposition hope not).
I can understand why you've lost reason to be with a man who didn't visit you when you were sick...he def. should have done that considering you had no one else to support you at the time.
Then again, you described him as an all around decent guy at the beginning of your post so I'm not sure.
'How much do you love him?' Is the real question. He's already declared his love to you according to what you've said. It's a tough decision imo. Good luck and follow your heart