Open Relationships

[sands]

Hello everyone. First posting so here goes...

My wife and I have been married for 16 yrs, have 4 kids and up to a couple of years ago were very happy. In the past few years things have got a bit stale. I've been off with my career etc and she has been stuck at home or with her part time job.

Anyway, we were heading towards some real problems when a few weeks ago she bumped into an old boyfried. She still had feelings for him and basically was torn between the excitment of a relationship with him and the duty and committment of home life. She has been absolutely 100% honest with me about this and I have encouraged her to explore her feelings with him in an open relationship. I'm more than happy for her to have a relationship with both of us as her being happy is all that counts. We have a good strong, trusting relationship and have talked about this at length and I trust her completely.

Has anyone else out there currently in an open relationship and how does it work for you ? What rules have you established ?

Best wishes
S & S

[Cain]

I don't understand where there can be trust in an open relationship. You're giving her permission to cheat on you. I don't know... I just never really understood it. If I felt that the only way I could save my marriage was for her to have an open relationship, I'd break it off.

[sands]

You've got to look past the feelings of jelousy. If your marriage is strong enough you can be honest enough to admit when its going wrong and what needs to be done to fix it.
We cant hide our feelings for others. If I'd kicked and screamed and thrown her out it wouldnt have changed the fact that she has feelings for the other guy. Since all this kicked off and we've agreed to go this way its like we're just married again. Its like a complete new beginning.

[sands]

Do adverts always appear after each posting ? Hope not as it looks crap

[Cain]

You've got to look past the feelings of jelousy. If your marriage is strong enough you can be honest enough to admit when its going wrong and what needs to be done to fix it.
We cant hide our feelings for others. If I'd kicked and screamed and thrown her out it wouldnt have changed the fact that she has feelings for the other guy. Since all this kicked off and we've agreed to go this way its like we're just married again. Its like a complete new beginning.

Yes, crushes happen, but what she's doing is "emotional cheating" which is more than likely going to turn into physical cheating. Are you allowing her to just have an emotional fling with him or are you giving her the go-ahead to actually have sex with him?

And yes, advertisements appear after the first and final post.

[sands]

She's made it clear that she has no intentions of running off with him. Its a physical thing, not emotional. I dont have any issue with that at all. I dont have an ego to be offended.

[Cain]

She's made it clear that she has no intentions of running off with him. Its a physical thing, not emotional. I dont have any issue with that at all. I dont have an ego to be offended.

It's not about having an ego. It's about me not wanting to share the woman I'm with with someone else. And she might not have intentions on running off with him right now, but just wait until she feels that her duties around the house are done, such as when your kids all move out. Don't be so sure she'll still be around if she has more of a connection with him.

Do you get to at least go out and **** another woman too?

[LadieNisha4u2nv]

Do you really think she is gonna come back to a boring relationship over a relationship that is exciting to her? If she wants to be with him then let her be with him, just not while with you. How can you settle for something like that, arent you worth more??

[LadieNisha4u2nv]

Since all this kicked off and we've agreed to go this way its like we're just married again. Its like a complete new beginning.

So what you're saying is when you guys first got married this is how it worked out? She had the ability to run off with other men so that sparked your marriage? Wow, this is a crazy relationship.

[shh!]

It's not the kind of lifestyle I'd want for me (at least, I don't think I would want this), but you guys would be surprised what people tolerate to keep a marriage. I've known two husbands to give their wives permission to have sex with another guy (ironically, both of the other guys were friends of these men). Also, a very close friend suspected for years that her husband had a girl on the side, but she overlooked it because she didn't want to tear her kids family apart. In all these cases, the extra relationships eventually ended on their own.

[LadieNisha4u2nv]

Wow. I cant see myself tolerating something like that. When I read shit like this, it makes me even MORE reluctant to ever get married. I dont think I will get married, too much complications for me. I rather live with you as if we're married and when things just aint working I'm through the door or vice versa if its my house. IMO, to settle for something like that, you must not be worth it if you're settling for something like that. And besides, open relationships are for SINGLE PEOPLE, not married people wtf. What is this world coming to :|

[shh!]

Oh, please. This has been going on since the beginning of time. Europeans have completely normalized it. It's not always about how much/little one values themselves, but rather how much they value the institution of marriage when they have a family.

[sands]

I've read loads of posts on this website about people who have had affairs and how its destroyed their lives. Surely its better to go down the open relationship road, being completely honest with each other then go down the affair road. Remember that the alternative was that our marriage was likely on-the-rocks and since we've decided on an open relationship we're firing on 12 cylinders again.
Oh, and yes I can go off with someone else too but the same applies to me, I wouldnt do it without telling my wife first.

[shh!]

To be honest, I would much prefer to be on the European system of "don't ask, don't tell". Discretion is more considerate, I think.

[LadieNisha4u2nv]

Oh, please. This has been going on since the beginning of time. Europeans have completely normalized it. It's not always about how much/little one values themselves, but rather how much they value the institution of marriage when they have a family.

As I stated, its just my opinion. Seeing as I'm not in the situation, I can not understand how people make sacrifices like that for their kids sake. In the end, it's still not healthy, even for the children. What would the kids think if they were to find out their mother or father was out having an "open relationship" with other people other than who they should be with? Dont you think it would give them the mentality that that is how marriages are supposed to be?