Getting back together....

[KCinKC]

Hi all. I'm new but thought I'd ask a question to see what kind of responses I'd get. Anway, I'm 26, she is 24 and 7 months ago(Sept '03) my fiance broke off the engagement because things had gotten out of control between us. The sparks quit flying because of job related stresses as well as trying to please two families. I took it pretty hard since we were together for 4 years and engaged for 1 of those. We had kept in contact, but for nothing more than to say "Hi" and to see what the other was up to. Nothing more. We never said anything about getting back together.

Fast forward to May '04. She is in London for 6 months with her job and we've kept in contact but not regular until this past week. We talked when she moved there in March and have talked on the phone once until this past week. We've talked 4 times in 7 days with the shortest phone call being 3 hours. She has asked that I come to London for a week or so because she wants to see me. Truth be known, I'd love to go and since we talked most of last week, I've started to develop feelings again. So has she. I never imagined it would ever happen. We covered everything in those conversations, why we broke up, why she handled it the way she did...everything including some guys she has messed around with saying they didn't "get her". She said she has had a lot of time to think as opposed to her last job stop where she was out partying with new friends and hadn't stopped to think about what she did nor did she care at that point due to drinking and things. Now she is thinking that she may want to give the relationship a try again. A lot of the things that I saw that I did wrong in the past year have been fixed, or so I think they have and she said she can tell in my voice that I have changed as well. She sounds like she has matured quite a bit as well. The only catch is she doesn't want to commit to anything till she gets back to The States in August.

Her friends who were "our" friends have gotten upset at her because she is talking to me and thinking the thoughts she is thinking. They told her that she has no idea how much she absolutely destroyed me and they don't want to see me go thru that again. But they also have not said they will support her in whatever she decides.

Any suggestions???

[squirrley]

Id be careful. You invested a lot in this relationship and she bailed. Sounds like she wants to have her cake and eat it too RIGHT NOW. Be able to go do her own thing in London with no attachments...yet have you waiting in the wings at home.

Youve probably have grown up but the fact is she's calling the shots right now-and youre playing into it. If she's really still in love with you she'll do whatever is necessary for this to work-so what do you want? Other than going to London to see her? What do you want for your own life? Do you really feel you could trust her to know that this time around will be different?

Id guess IMHO-I would go to London to see-better than to sit home and wonder the rest of your life...just go with an open mind and keep your own goals in mind as well.

Goodluck to you...

[Illusional]

first, take a step back and breath. don't rush things too quickly because the sparks are starting to fly again. i now how you feel because i went through the same thing once. i hooked up with an ex after about two years of being seperated.

my suggestion is that you get to know her, all over again, without the intension of getting back with her. yeah i know it's easier said than done, but keep this in mind. you did go through a lot of pain for her, and i know you are probably willing to take that chance again. however, don't jump the gun because althought both of you might have felt that you changes, you barely even know how much both of you have changes. you recently started talking to one another again, and there is a lot of catching up to do. go and visit her because it will show that you care and that you still have feelings for her, but be honest. tell her that you don't want to rush anything because there is always the possibility that things won't work out again. take it ne step at a time and you knows?? take a chance at life. i would. raverboy

[KCinKC]

Thank you all for the replies. I appreciate them. I know that I am going to go to London. I'm expecting some of the old things to happen like going out together and whatnot, but I'm also expecting to see what might be in the future as well without pushing her to say anthing.

I truly believe she has changed into the person she should have been and I have too, but I guess we'll see how much those two people still mesh together.

Thanks again for the replies.