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Thread: Can't get over rebound ex-bf

  1. #1
    Join Date
    Oct 2008
    Posts
    2

    Can't get over rebound ex-bf

    I got divorced about a year ago and decided I was ready to date. I told my friends at work about my decision, and they immediatly began telling me about one of our colleagues who has had feelings for me for years. I had always liked this person, but he was very shy and insecure, so I had never considered dating him; however, I thought I'd give it a try.

    We went out to lunch a couple of times at work and soon after started dating. He'd call every day and we'd talk for hours. I began really falling for him. However, after a while the calls got shorter and we began going out only once or twice a week. I told him that I felt like he was no longer as into me as he was before. However, he swore that he was attracted to me and that he had his moments where he'd act like this; he apologized and said he really was into me. I know that he's had issues like depression in the past so I let it go. However, nothing changed and only a few days later, I told him I really liked him but that I couldn't be with someone who wouldn't place me at the higher part of his priority list. While I was expecting him to just apologize and give me the same comments as last time. He said I was right and that I deserved better! So, it ended. I was shocked b/c only 2 days ago he was telling me how much he was attracted to me.

    I guess my ego got hurt and because I had really began to fall for him, I kept trying to stay in contact through IM, email, and text. We work together at an elementary school, so Id see him on a reguar basis. I gave him all the signs and signals that I wanted to get back together with him (though I did not say this bluntly), but he just kept our communication distant yet friendly. I really want him back even if only as a friend, but it seems that he is not putting any effort into maintaining a relationship with me. Although he calls or texts ever once in a while, it is mainly me trying to keep contact. I know my best bet is to forget him and avoid contact, but I'm not ready to do that, so my question is what can I do to get back into a relationship with him even if it is just a close friendship? I can't understand why someone would say they really like me and want to keep working on the relationship a few days ago, and then decide that I deserve better! If he had wanted an out from the relationship, I had already given him the chance when we had the conversation about how I felt he wasn't attracted to me anymore.

    A littele background info on him: he's 35 single and has never really had a long-term relationship. He is very shy, insecure, and rarely dates. I know he is not seeing anyone at the moment and spend most of his time with his close knit group of friends. Backgroud info on me: I am 26, very social, outgoing, and have always been "the attractive and popular one" at work.

    Sorry the post is so long, but although we only dated a short time, I've known him for 6 years, and he is all I can think about for the past few months.

  2. #2
    Join Date
    May 2005
    Location
    Los Angeles
    Posts
    7,098
    Dating a co-worker is rarely a good idea, and to compound your problem, it sounds like you were pretty demanding of his time and energy. Once or twice a week dating sounds like plenty for a guy who enjoys being single.

    Anyway, I suggest you back off or you will risk making the work environment intolerable.

  3. #3
    Join Date
    May 2004
    Gender
    Male
    Location
    FL
    Posts
    1,996
    wow, I don't blame him for losing interest. Being high on someone's priority list is something you earn, not demand after being with them for a short while. I would have stopped talking to you too.

  4. #4
    Join Date
    Dec 2007
    Gender
    Male
    Location
    Ontario, Canada
    Posts
    643
    Can't you women get someone close to your own age about 4 years max, does it have to be close to 10?

    You'll have similar experiences and can relate to each other on the same level.


    " Nothing is a waste of time, if you use the experience wisely."
    => Auguste Rodin

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