is he real?

[stephoney]

I've been going out with my boyfriend for over a year now. when we fist met, it was like we had known each other all our lives. we were just right. we understood each other so much, we couldn't bear to be apart for a whole day. then at the begining of this year he had to work in another city. we kept in touch everyday.
upon a visit, late one nite, he thought i was asleep. i woke up to hear him wispering on the phone. before he closed he told her that he luved her. he had to muffle it but she insisted he say it out so he did a bit louder. i got so mad, i started yelling at him and we had a fight. (just word clashes). we kind of had it off for about two weeks. i took my mind off him. then he started calling to say we should make up and that the fight wasn't worth ending our luv. he explained all about her and said he would disengage himself. i luv him so much so we came back together. but soon i found out that he hadn't left her yet. though every time he would tell me that it's me who he luvs and wants to spend his life with. that he was trying to leave her without just hurting her. he stopped being so concerned about me and started forgetting important stuff about me. i just felt so hurt and fed up. one day i just called him and told him it was over. it was better to be without him than to be hurt by him. it did me some good being out of his life. i grew more self assured and when he came actually begging for a last chance, i thought it made him realize that he really luv and need me. that's what he said. that there's no other girl for him like me.

i luv my boyfriend so much that i always give in at the hint that we could somehow work things out. i give him his last chance. the girl somehow got my number from a friend of mine and called me just about 2 weeks ago to say she can't share him so she's quitting bcuz he dosen't seem to want to leave me. i tought that was the end to our problems. but he seems more distant. he dosen't call if i don't. but he keeps saying he luvs me and that i shouldn't give up on him. that he'll make me happy. but i keep wondering when? and what if he dosen't? so finally yesterday, i wrote him an email telling him that he either chose the player life n never call me again. but call me only if he's ready to do me right and give the faithfulness and commitment he always ask of me and work towards the future with me that he always talks about. i told him i luv him too much to just play around for sex like a simple affair. my feelings for him is only for something more special, anything else would only get me hurt.

Have i done the right thing? do u think he really luvs me? that if i should stay and give him my luv, it'll help him find himself? i'm so afraid and confused. I luv him with my very soul but i don't want to kill my heart in the end. he wrote back just now that he's sorry i'm so sad and he swears he dosen't mean to hurt me. that he promise to be there for me and care for me. i should believe in him. that he's never stopped loving me. Sometimes i think he really wants this kind of relationship with me but somehow he's afraid or plain stubborn to give in. like he's fighting his heart.

pls help me. i need any advice and views i can get. i'm so distraught. i luv him greatly but i don't think i'll be able to live through another total heartbreak.

[plexicat]

to me it sounds like he is the type of person who likes having the best of two worlds. He loves being with you because you are faithful and good to him but on the other hand he still loves his single life. He might love you in his own way, but it doesn't seem like he loves you the way you want and the way you really need.

I think it was the right choice to write him and finally make him decide what HE wants with your relationship. But after how you've described him, I have the feeling that you might have to let him go. Maybe only then he'll realize what a idiot he's been and do everything he can to love you and make it up to you. It's what the say, and it is quite true, you don't know what you have till it's gone, and your boyfriend needs to know that first hand!

[GrkScorp]

I've been going out with my boyfriend for over a year now. when we fist met, it was like we had known each other all our lives. we were just right. we understood each other so much, we couldn't bear to be apart for a whole day. then at the begining of this year he had to work in another city. we kept in touch everyday.

Don't you just love it when things start off this way?

i luv my boyfriend so much that i always give in at the hint that we could somehow work things out. i give him his last chance.

Honestly.., the guy is an asshole.. Just accept it.. seriously..

You on the other hand.., have a childhood romantic fantasy that runs so deep into your imagination.. that the very fact that he's a man is enough to trigger it's explosion.. It runs wild with dreams of being a serious couple and in love.., of being all romantic and marriage and living together.. and blah blah blah

I don't know if you're laughing or crying right now.., but you know it's true..

Anyway.., you are exactly the kind of girl that nice guys want.., and unfortunately.., exactly the kind of girl that assholes pray on..

If I had a daughter or sister.., I'd tell her the same exact thing..

What kind of guy stays in a relationship.., sees that the other person is in love with them.., realizes that he's not as much in love with her.., but continues to stay anyway? Doesn't he feel guilty? Doesn't he feel bad? Doesn't it feel wrong for him? Does he have no conscious or feelings? Actually.. no.. No he doesn't.. That's why he's an asshole..

This is a guy.., who only cares about himself.. He can't even begin to explore the universe of ideas.., feelings.., and thoughts that lie in the minds of other people besides himself..

Don't tell me.., but please do remind yourself again.., why would you want to be with someone like that? Why would you want to invest yourself emotionally to someone like that? Why would you want to care for or worry about someone like that? Are you a philanthropist or a masochist?

Have i done the right thing? do u think he really luvs me? that if i should stay and give him my luv, it'll help him find himself?

That if you should stay and give him your love it will help him find himself? Wtf does that even mean? No!

Fcuk him! Seriously.. You have to quit your addiction on him like any other kind of addiction.. (shopping.., smoking.., etc).. It's a mental addiction.. You're a hopeless romantic who is just looking for someone to fall in love with and give all her love to.. Just looking for "someone".. It gives you so much pleasure when you feel like a great girlfriend.., when you feel that you're in a serious relationship.. Your fantasy runs wild.. You get lost in your imagination.. with dreams of being a serious couple.. of getting married.. of living together.. of him loving you.. etc.. And it's easy to get lost in imagination.., because it feels so good to get lost in it.., and just let it run wild.., it feels so good.., it's very easy to accept fantasy as truth.., hence the addiction..

The sooner your realize what's going on in your own head.. The sooner you'll realize what you have to do.., on your own..

[doppelgaenger]

This guy is a ****ing jerkoff. You have to learn to disown a boyfriend when they prove to you that they are not capable of having a successful relationship.

[stsang]

There is never an excuse for cheating. Give your love to someone who deserves it.

[ghast]

no offence or anything but i really think he isn't quite matured in his thinking. he seems all confused and unsure about what he wants. and on the other hand you do know what you want. you should really take some time off, and think if he is worth all the tears and unhappiness. and if it is, what is it that you love about him, will that be able to tide you through other possible occurance of the similar kind?