Why Is It Never Enough?

[PeterCage]

I have a problem, and I dont know why I'm like this. I cant seem to enjoy being with anyone anymore for some reason. I was in a relationship for 2 years that I was very happy in, then after that I was in a short relationship that I liked a lot, but it ended because she had to move and we agreed we hadnt been seeing each other long enough to make a go of a long distance relationship. After that relationship though, here I am 3 years later and I am never satisfied. Its almost as if I am super happy with the girls I'm with for a short while, then after I get sex from them I just lose interest and want to move on to the next 1. I originally thought it might have to do with the fact that some of the girls I'd get into bed with to easily, but then I thought back and realized there were a few I didnt even sleep with and just started wanting to be with other women. Its like if I'm with 1 girl, and we go out, I'll start looking at the girls around me and want to talk to them, and it ruins my mood. Its even worse when I'm not with the person I'm seeing. I dont know whats going on, I really am looking for a nice relationship to be in. I just dont get why I get this urge to always be with every other woman I see when I'm seeing someone lately. When I was in relationships in the past I never had this problem, I was with a girl for 2 years and never even thought about talking to other women. So I know its not that I have troubles committing. I just cant figure out why now at 24 this is a problem. Anyone ever go through something like this? What did you find to be the problem? I dont know why I cant seem to find someone that I'm happy with and that keeps me from wanting to wander.

(PS I havent been in a relationship in almost 3 years now, and I quit dating for almost a year during those 3 years to see if maybe I just needed a break to cool my heels)

[excowho]

Short and sweet:
You haven't found the person that fit's you just right.
Looking too hard can cause you to sometimes overlook the person that may be best for you.
Or maybe you're still in love with an ex?

Try having fun with friends and picking up hobbies you enjoy, time will fly. And before you know it you'll probably get knocked off your feet by some amazing woman.

[HUNT3R]

If you find a girl you REALLY like, this won't happen. It sounds like you want a relationship so much that you commit to girls you're not really that in to. That's why you lose interest fast.

[IndiReloaded]

Have you tried making a physical list of what you want from a partner? Always a good exercise.

[sad_soul]

i agree with what other ppl said. don't look for someone so hard to be in a relationship. take things slowly and easily. your are 24 and still young, and you are a guy. So, you have no rush to find someone and get married soon. Focus more on others things in life, and wait for the right woman to come in your life. What i have learned from life is that when you look for something desperately, you never get it. You get it when you expect it the least. Hope this helps!

[GrkScorp]

I have a problem, and I dont know why I'm like this. I cant seem to enjoy being with anyone anymore for some reason.

That's quite an issue..

Is this with "anyone".., or exclusively with women?

I was in a relationship for 2 years that I was very happy in

Elaborate a little bit.., how did you meet? what was she like? what did you like about her? how did you feel about her? why did it end? how did you feel after it ended?

After that relationship though, here I am 3 years later and I am never satisfied. Its almost as if I am super happy with the girls I'm with for a short while

Attraction and fantasy phase sounds strong.., but something is messing up your connection phase..

then after I get sex from them I just lose interest and want to move on to the next 1.

Female troll?

You lose interest? Are you serious? Why?

The only way I could see that seriously happening.., is if you were not really emotionally connected with any of them.., and just tried to convince yourself that you were.., just to morally legitimize the sex you were having so that you wouldn't feel guilty about it.. And after you had sex.., that whole story you fed yourself just to have sex lacked any real motivation to be maintained.., and you lost the pseudo-interest you had..

I originally thought it might have to do with the fact that some of the girls I'd get into bed with to easily, but then I thought back and realized there were a few I didnt even sleep with and just started wanting to be with other women.

Are you sure you're not a female troll?

I don't know any guy.., unless the ones that try and feel good about themselves by acting conservative and pretending to be morally righteous.., who loses interest if a girl he likes gets into bed "too easily" as you put it.. That's like a woman complaining that a guy is spending "too much money" on her.. If he's cheap.., that's an other story.. That's like mosquito repellent for women.. Similarly.., it's the prude that's like mosquito repellent for guys..

Did you feel emotionally close or connected to the women you didn't want to sleep with?

Did you feel the desire to sleep with the women you didn't end up sleeping with?

If you could think about one thing that was different between the women you slept with and the ones you didn't (besides sex).., what would it be?

Its like if I'm with 1 girl, and we go out, I'll start looking at the girls around me and want to talk to them, and it ruins my mood. Its even worse when I'm not with the person I'm seeing. I dont know whats going on, I really am looking for a nice relationship to be in. I just dont get why I get this urge to always be with every other woman I see when I'm seeing someone lately.

This right here.., makes me want to know more about your 2-year relationship..

I think you might have some lingering regret in the back of your mind relating to that relationship.. You might feel bad for ending it or allowing things to fall apart.. You might have had thoughts of making it work out and being a better boyfriend.. You might have felt like you let the one only normal or quality girl go for a stupid reason and that you can't reasonably expect to find someone like her again.., and you might feel like you finally understand her value now..

That might be hindering your emotional availability to new partners.., and although you might consciously really want to be in a relationship.., you can't consciously force yourself to fall in love with someone.. If your unconscious mind has either limiting beliefs about the opposite sex.., or is preoccupied with someone else in mind.., then that conflict needs to be resolved first before it can feel genuine closeness and connection to someone else..

When I was in relationships in the past I never had this problem, I was with a girl for 2 years and never even thought about talking to other women. So I know its not that I have troubles committing.

Why do you think things ended? What are your thoughts on this? Do you ever feel like you could have been better? Do you feel guilty or at fault? Why?

Anyone ever go through something like this?

Yes actually.. My first real girlfriend who I was genuinely in love with.., that pure innocent childlike love.. I felt the urge to give her everything I had and more.. The only pleasure or value in my life was making and seeing her happy.. She eventually ended up cheating on me with my best friend.. It turns out she just used me to get back with him.., only to break up with him months later..

I didn't hold that much of a grudge.., because I wasn't exactly a saint either.. My best friend was dating her before we got together.., they broke up.., we got together shamelessly.. So I can't be a hypocrite and apply a different standard to her..

Though.., for the longest time after her.., in fact.., not until I was in college.., did I start having genuine emotions for other women again.. Everything in between that was as if I was realizing that these girls were great.., "but".., I was trying to convince myself or talk myself into loving them.. "these are great girls.., they're not ugly.., really cute.., some of them hot.., not at all selfish or self-centered.., caring.., thoughtful.., loving.., somewhat not entirely dumb.., fun to hang out with.., what's wrong with you? are you gay or something?".. Didn't happen.., not something you can force yourself to do..

My mind was still stuck on her.., trying to resolve the conflict.., and also highly skeptical of anyone new that came into my life from that point and on.. As far as I was concerned.., every little flirt or giggle or hug or kiss or moment of sexual intimacy was completely dishonest and an attempt to manipulate me.. I saw everything as an act and fake.., and couldn't really feel anything for someone I felt was being dishonest and disrespecting me..

The cure?

I got lucky.. I met my Indian ex in college.., she was such an amazing person.., that any unresolved conflict I had was completely washed away.. That other ex quickly became garbage next to someone like my Indian ex.. It took me a while to really let my guard down.., to feel comfortable enough to trust again.., but she definitely made me feel safe enough to trust her.. And I did.., and then ironically.., I ended up breaking things off with her..

What did you find to be the problem?

You're a guy.., so the words "emotions".., "feelings".., or "psychology" are probably analogous with the word "bullsh*t" in your vocabulary.. And that's fine.., I don't blame you.. I feel it's taught in a way that's too academic and theoretical and less applicable and practical.. But make no mistake about it.. A tiny little event in your life.., or thought in your head.., can have dire ramifications on your day-to-day behavior and your conscious (and unconscious) mental processes..

It can ripple through like a couple of drops of sucetal choline in your bloodstream.. While you might feel that it won't do anything.., it'll be hard to ignore your state of paralysis or tachycardia..

It can only be two things..

- Limiting beliefs (or uncertainty) about the opposite sex
- Unresolved internal conflict

Either one won't allow you to be truly emotionally connected to the other person.., because feelings of closeness and connection to this new person will conflict with either your limiting beliefs or your unresolved internal conflict.. Older beliefs take priority over newer ones.. Unless you can be honest enough with yourself.., and not afraid to become aware of your emotional self.., you'll continue to experience the same lack of emotional connection with future partners..

[HUNT3R]

GrkScorp, easy girls ARE a turn off. I agree with Peter on that.

I had much the same problem as he did...for a while. It was because there was no feelings or "connection", as you call it, towards them. I would try and have relationships with them but, like Peter, soon I would just have to get the hell away. The reason I tried, was because I was "desperate" to be in a relationship.

I solved my problem though. I'm now much more picky. I get to know girls and only after there's a "connection", I'd think about a relationship and eventually sex with them.

[GrkScorp]

It was because there was no feelings or "connection", as you call it, towards them.

I solved my problem though. I'm now much more picky. I get to know girls and only after there's a "connection", I'd think about a relationship and eventually sex with them.

So.., was it because how fast things progressed sexually.., or how slow things progressed emotionally that was the issue?

[HUNT3R]

So.., was it because how fast things progressed sexually.., or how slow things progressed emotionally that was the issue?

Both, I suppose. The problem was that there was little or no connection. The persuit of the girl was purely because I wanted a relationship. Stupid, I know.

[datingtutorials]

Hi,

Perhaps you experienced a huge break-up pain after the 2-year relationship, and now you are trying to protect yourself by not committing to just one girl, because it can hurt endlessly - in case of a break-up. Unlike when you just go into casual, superficial flings that do not last long, and therefore cannot hurt a lot.

I hope this makes sense.

[GrkScorp]

Both, I suppose. The problem was that there was little or no connection. The persuit of the girl was purely because I wanted a relationship. Stupid, I know.

You've made your case for lack of emotional connection.., but you haven't really explained how the rate at which you progressed sexually was a problem..

If you believe something to be true.., especially about the way you feel.., you should at least have a good idea as to why.. Or else you could merely be saying it as the result of social pressure.. (ie. others praising you for believing it.., others making you feel bad and guilty for believing anything else but that)

[HUNT3R]

You've made your case for lack of emotional connection.., but you haven't really explained how the rate at which you progressed sexually was a problem..

If you believe something to be true.., especially about the way you feel.., you should at least have a good idea as to why.. Or else you could merely be saying it as the result of social pressure.. (ie. others praising you for believing it.., others making you feel bad and guilty for believing anything else but that)

Well, because there was no connection, only the physical was left. So physically things progressed fast. Way too fast. I didn't sleep with them, but within a week I could. I always declined to go that far.

[Zitron]

As has been said, simply stop looking for someone new to sleep with and just live and focus on finding a girl you have more in common than physical attraction. You used to love and you are still dragging it along. Allow yourself to have the emotion again.