self-diagnosis - unsolved problems

[celine]

ok...here are my problems (or maybe i am doing the right things?) any suggestions are welcome...much appreciate..

when I am interested in a guy:

- I start to raise my "boyfriend" bar very high: i.e. after party, he didn't suggest sending me home, etc.

I know he is not my bf now and he is not obligated to do anything for me..but I just can't help doing these "screening" process on my mind...so my conclusion is usually that he is not that into me or he is not a good bf material


- I just can not treat him as a friend...people say that you should be friends first and get to know each other and then be together...

is that possible or easy for you guys to be just friends with someone you find attractive?


- I guess I just miss the idea of relationship too much...not necessarily a specific person..

would it be nice to have someone you like to share things...go movies...cook, you know, those small things in life...

I think i am beautifying the relationship too much...and imagine things too much...How could I be back to reality?

[miSSleepy]

Well, in light of your thread about the guy who forgot your name, I'd say that you do have a very headstrong attitude with relationships. I don't know why, but if you see someone you like you want them right away, and you want them to want you right away too. And you want them to start displaying interest right away... or at least, the behaviours you deem as as interest.

The guy that didn't drive you home. True, he may not be interested. But, how long did you know him?
Maybe he didn't think it'd be appropriate to drive you home, if you've only just met, or recently met. I know I wouldn't jump into some stranger's car, no matter how hard I fell for them initially.
Did he know you're single?
Are you sure he's aware that you're interested?

Yes it is possible to start things as friends. I honestly don't understand how you could start a relationship with someone you don't know. I'm not saying drag the friendship for a year and then get together, but at least a week or two of casual talk and dates.

[Only-virgins]

I think i am beautifying the relationship too much..

Everyone does this around me, so freaking annoying.

[boobaa]

Yes, I find it hard to stay on the friends level also. And if the other side feels too, then there is that empty moment like it was today... weird.

[Bokonon]

If you have thoughts that you yourself realize are unreasonable but feel controlled by them, it may help to take the position of a third-party observer to your own thoughts. As you see the same themes and thoughts repeated over time, they lose their weight and you can see them for what they are.

Mindfulness meditation is useful for this.

[blackzj52]

i kinda feel the same way as you. i want a girl to just be there with me.
i find it hard to be just friends with a girl im interested in or attracted to.
and i find it hard to try and date them after becoming friends with them, because at that point i find myself in the "just friends" zone. which i hate.
i usually become friends with a girl because i find them attractive or im interested in them. or atleast thats when i INITIATE a friendship. i have some friends that are girls but i really didnt try to make the friendship, it jsut kinda happened lol.

[celine]

Yes, I find it hard to stay on the friends level also. And if the other side feels too, then there is that empty moment like it was today... weird.

what do you mean? so if both sides like each other back, and they feel empty???

[celine]

Everyone does this around me, so freaking annoying.

don't you think you uglify relationship? you are more extreme than me...no offense, just curious... you only date virgins???

[celine]

Well, in light of your thread about the guy who forgot your name, I'd say that you do have a very headstrong attitude with relationships. I don't know why, but if you see someone you like you want them right away, and you want them to want you right away too. And you want them to start displaying interest right away... or at least, the behaviours you deem as as interest.

The guy that didn't drive you home. True, he may not be interested. But, how long did you know him?
Maybe he didn't think it'd be appropriate to drive you home, if you've only just met, or recently met. I know I wouldn't jump into some stranger's car, no matter how hard I fell for them initially.
Did he know you're single?
Are you sure he's aware that you're interested?

Yes it is possible to start things as friends. I honestly don't understand how you could start a relationship with someone you don't know. I'm not saying drag the friendship for a year and then get together, but at least a week or two of casual talk and dates.

I don't know what is wrong with me or it is just the way it is...I feel guys are too slow to ask me out for the first date...how long does it take for you guys to go out for the first date if you were classmates?

[agatha]

If he won't ask you for a date then you initiate, invite him for date. And if you will do this, be sure that the guy you've invited was not like the guy you mention.

I think the guy you mention in your story is irresponsible or shall I say "not a gentleman person". I maybe judgmental but that's what I sense in your story.

Sorry If I offend/hurt you.

[boobaa]

what do you mean? so if both sides like each other back, and they feel empty???

No, its like people want to be closer, but there is some formal empty space between.

[lastwish]

If you want a boyfriend to cook with, go to movies, etc rather than to date someone because you really like him then you're just lonely. I think you're trying to fill a void.

[Only-virgins]

don't you think you uglify relationship? you are more extreme than me...no offense, just curious... you only date virgins???

No, I view relationships as neutral. They are just there. Where do you get it from that I uglify them from my one sentence post? I don't only date virgins...though I would really like too.

PS: I don't think uglify is a word lol.

[celine]

No, I view relationships as neutral. They are just there. Where do you get it from that I uglify them from my one sentence post? I don't only date virgins...though I would really like too.

PS: I don't think uglify is a word lol.

hahaha...don't give up on that, OV...virgins are out there waiting for right men...

ok...i keep gossiping and being curious...so..generally do man like virgins?

[celine]

No, its like people want to be closer, but there is some formal empty space between.

more specific? so what is the empty space?