Convincing someone to do what's right.

[omens]

So about 6 months ago my ex dumped me through a text message. this morning at 1, she called me for the first time since then. I realized that I'm not over her, which I'm really hoping hasn't warped my opinion on this:

She was an honors student in college, made the deans list all freshman year, when I was dating her she seemed happy alot of the time, but stressed (because of the work load, 6 classes & 2 jobs).

She took a job working to rebuild parks all across the state during the summer initially because she liked the work & it offered a $4,000 scholarship. Shortly after we broke up & she decided to stay on through the first semester of college, saying she would try to go back in the winter or spring semester.

So now I've spoken to her recently, that job is ending soon, and she said she's considering the Navy (she feels responsible to carry out the family tradition since her dad didn't have any sons) or getting an apartment in her home town. Also she said that she could "go back to college anytime, she has her whole life... why does she have to waste time when she's young"

I told her to do what makes her happy. But the truth is I know her, and I know shes the type of person who prefers instant gratification as opposed to delayed gratification. I don't know how to let her know that she's being a moron. Like seroiusly she's the dumbest smart person I know; she told me that she didn't want to end up like everyone else in her town: just doing nothing after high school besides working and dealing/doing drugs. In fact she related it to quicksand, told me that it was really tough for her even to get out to go to college the first year.

Here is what I want to say: "Katie, you're being a moron. Nothing in life worth having comes easy and if you get a place in town you're gonna be pregnant by 23 working 9-5 or a druggie. If you go in the Navy you're wasting your potential & doing something to make your Dad happy, not yourself. If you go down this road you're gonna hate yourself later on when you realize your mistake. Quit being so afraid of wasting time & get off your ass and enroll back for the spring semester"

I don't know how to say it though without making her feel like I have ulterior motives (wanting to date her again)?... I mean, I do want to date her but not as much as I want her to stop screwing up. I'm fully aware and accepting that telling her this flat out could cost my friendship with her, but I'm willing to deal with that... What I'm not willing to deal with is finding out she took that road and always wondering if there was anything I could have done to prevent it.

I don't even know how much say I have in her life at this point. Can anyone tell me how to convince her?

[IndiReloaded]

Well, I wouldn't recommend calling her a moron. I can see why she's your ex if that is how your communications ran.

Ask her if she would be open to some advice. If she says yes, then tell her *politely* your opinion & your reasons. Under no circumstances should you attack her character while doing so. Emphasize the positive, reasonable aspects of your opinion. But also respect the fact that its her life & her choice, not yours.

As to her reasons (e.g. pleasing her father), *suggest* to her the possibility that might be her motive but do not accuse her of it.

Avoid being judgmental in your advice. Sounds like you might have that trait in overabundance. It will not make her more likely to heed your advice.