Ashes to ashes

[Dasein]

Hi all,

I need some assistance with a situation that is coming up in December.

My partner became friends while he was with his ex with some of her friends. In particular a couple. The husband from this couple has since died from cancer. My partner was still with his ex when this happened so he attended the funeral with her.

Since then he has kept in touch with the widower as friends. She is going to have a ceremonial spreading of the ashes in December in another state of Australia and my partner is obviously going to attend.

I know that my partner is going to go on his own as it is not appropriate for me to go to this when I didn’t know the man that passed. Also his ex will be there.

The thing is that the ex still is in love with my partner. I trust my partner but I feel like I need help to think clearly and not with emotion. I understand that they went through a shared loss together. It’s just when I think of this in December I know I will feel jealous (it’s stupid of me I realise). I need to find a mental strategy to overcome this because if I make it into an issue it will be bad for me.

Any ideas?

[ecojeanne]

are you sure its really that inappropriate to go? How long have you been with him? I wouldn't see anything wrong with going with him to support him surely? and even still if you don't feel comfortable why not go and stay in a hotel with him and do your own thing while he's busy with the ceremony and be there in the hotel when he gets back?

[shh!]

I think it is inappropriate for you to attend any ceremonies, but not inappropriate for you to go and stay in the hotel, do some shopping, whatever.

if you can't go, just make phone contact with him after the ceremonial bits are done.

[Dasein]

are you sure its really that inapropriate to go? how long have you been with him. i wouldn't see anything wrong with going with him to support him surely? and even still if you don't feel comfortable why not go and stay in a hotel with him and do your own thing while he's busy with the ceramony and be there in the hotel when he gets back?

It's funny you ask that. I haven't asked outright whether I could tag along. I guess I also don't want to cramp his style either. I don't want to invite myself along if it is a time for him to be with his friends.

I understand that he may want to catch up with his ex. He has never parted on bad terms with any of his exes. I actually really admire that aspect of him.

Maybe I should just ask if it would be appropriate for me to go to Melbourne. I can do some shopping while he is catching up with friends and attending the ceremony.

[MenSeekingWomen]

I don't think you should have a ceremony