I need your help, I have no idea what to do

[element_one]

Hey everyone. If this is too long plz tell me so I can make a “short version”.

Before I actually start to tell my story, I think I am safe to say that this one is perhaps one of the less common stories around.

See, my story goes way back in time, even before high school (I’m 22 right now). As far as I remember, I had always been fat. No, more than fatty, perhaps obese. On my worst condition, I actually weighted almost 290 pounds. And I’m 6 feet tall.

So, needless to say, I didn’t use to care about girls, dating, or anything like that for a long period of time. I, also, used to hang out with the (no offense intended) “nerd” type of friends. Basically, I used to be a fat nerd, no doubt.

However, like three years ago (when I was 19), after being tired of people making fun of me on a daily basis, I just knew that I had to change something. I didn’t want to live like that forever.

So, near Christmas 2006, I decided to quit eating sh*t, start to work out, and, basically, completely change my lifestyle.

Long story short, almost one year and a half since that (during which a lot of things happened, like –not afraid to tell this, since I am being completely honest- hours of hours of crying, a lot of appointments with a psychologist, etc), today I am a COMPLETELY different man.

I am weighting 180 pounds, (yeah, lost more than 100 pounds), developed a quite decent body with workout (was kinda easy, since I already had the mass), and overall I am much, MUCH better looking (not trying to sound annoying, but it’s the truth).

HOWEVER, and this is where the whole problem start: My looks changed, but my personality didn’t. See, I’m still afraid of talking to girls, as a matter of fact, I have never, EVER had a girlfriend (however, I have had casual sex). And, as you could expect, I still am embarrassed when I am with “surfer-looking” type of guys (with whom I have started to hang out recently), so I just barely talk when I am with them.

So, now that I can actually have a girlfriend, I just don’t know what to do. I mean, I am 22 years old and still single since the day I was born. I know it’s shameful but considering the context in which I used to live, I don’t think it sounds that insane.

I don’t know how to talk to a girl, don’t even know what to do when I am alone with a girl (I’ve had a couple of chances of actually “nailing” with a girl, but over-thinking what to do or say, ended on her leaving, bored).

So, I’m here, alone, NEEDING a girlfriend (I have even started to DREAM with me having a girlfriend, and I don’t even know the girl I am dreaming of!).

That’s why I’m here. Talking to you guys, without embarrassment or nothing, just telling you what I feel, begging for your comments, suggestions, or anything you could possible tell me.

Extremely appreciated,

David.

[fibe99]

Hi David
My paragraph is probably going to be a bit longer too so I'm sorry. I can relate to your story very well. I used to be short and chubby. One summer, I lost quite a bit of weight and I gradually became pretty much as skinny as all the other guys. I started working out afterwards and I quickly got a great body, because as you pointed out it's pretty easy once the mass was already there. Now I have a sixpack and everything girls dream of, albeit I'm still shorter than most guys.
My personality, however, stayed the same. I easily get too attached and all that kind of stuff, I think you know what I'm talking about.
Unlike you, I don't really have a problem with approaching girls but I'm not enough of a risk taker. I don't have enough confidence in terms of dealing with girls, though in general I'm a very confident person. Right now I have a girlfriend and the last year was quite successful for me anyway with girls, mostly with younger ones because I myself look younger and they think I'm God Told you I'm confident.

Anyways, my advice to you is: If you are able to, try to seem confident. You are quite tall so you must not have the issue of looking younger. Even if you're not, try to make it seem like you've laid as many girls as you wanted and like you have tons of experience. Be nice and charming but flirty and sexy.
Most importantly if you can, don't be afraid of taking risks. Ask girls out and all that stuff, the worst thing that can happen is them saying no. I'm having trouble with my own relationship right now but I try to tell myself that any trouble like this is far better than not having anything to do with girls.

So just appear confident. Eventually you will turn into just that.

[purplegirl350]

I can understand your problem, but the thing is, there is nothing scary about talking to girls. There are plenty of nice girls out there you could get to know. I'm a girl and I like it when guys talk to me.
It's a psychological problem you have, and I know it probably won't be easy to get over it. But you have to try. Even saying 'hi' to a girl and starting a random conversation like 'it's nice day, isn't it?' or whatever random thing that comes to your head. Something like that could lead to a friendship.

I'm sorry I'm not good at giving advice...but I wish you luck!

[agatha]

Start talking with your girl family member then with your girl family neighbor, girl friends then to girl strangers. In doing that, you can gain confidence and you won't be able to feel that shyness.

[The Calm Seer]

1. Please, understand it is not a disease not to be able to talk to girl. 2. You're probably getting it all wrong and mixed up if you are thinking of talking to a girl to probably sex her too soon. 3. Things will evolve naturally if you are yourself. It is natural with most guys to be girl shy and i tell you it took lots of water volume off my body in form of sweat but i overcame it. 4. I must commend you for your discipline to slim down. It is sincerely very commendable. 5. God, who created you won't want you to get into a relationship, have sex and quite, it is saddening. If you don't want to eventually marry only to nag about unfaithfullness of your partner, then, watch out. 6. and LASTLY, You are young but your feelings are natural i tell you. But you most relax with it so you can always be smart. If that feeling of having a girl to at least be a faithful sex partner persist, it may destroy your joy so soon. And this is the way out: GET BUSY and FREE. You probably stay too idle, thinking.

[lovesacrifices]

Hey everyone. If this is too long plz tell me so I can make a “short version”.

Before I actually start to tell my story, I think I am safe to say that this one is perhaps one of the less common stories around.

See, my story goes way back in time, even before high school (I’m 22 right now). As far as I remember, I had always been fat. No, more than fatty, perhaps obese. On my worst condition, I actually weighted almost 290 pounds. And I’m 6 feet tall.

So, needless to say, I didn’t use to care about girls, dating, or anything like that for a long period of time. I, also, used to hang out with the (no offense intended) “nerd” type of friends. Basically, I used to be a fat nerd, no doubt.

However, like three years ago (when I was 19), after being tired of people making fun of me on a daily basis, I just knew that I had to change something. I didn’t want to live like that forever.

So, near Christmas 2006, I decided to quit eating sh*t, start to work out, and, basically, completely change my lifestyle.

Long story short, almost one year and a half since that (during which a lot of things happened, like –not afraid to tell this, since I am being completely honest- hours of hours of crying, a lot of appointments with a psychologist, etc), today I am a COMPLETELY different man.

I am weighting 180 pounds, (yeah, lost more than 100 pounds), developed a quite decent body with workout (was kinda easy, since I already had the mass), and overall I am much, MUCH better looking (not trying to sound annoying, but it’s the truth).

HOWEVER, and this is where the whole problem start: My looks changed, but my personality didn’t. See, I’m still afraid of talking to girls, as a matter of fact, I have never, EVER had a girlfriend (however, I have had casual sex). And, as you could expect, I still am embarrassed when I am with “surfer-looking” type of guys (with whom I have started to hang out recently), so I just barely talk when I am with them.

So, now that I can actually have a girlfriend, I just don’t know what to do. I mean, I am 22 years old and still single since the day I was born. I know it’s shameful but considering the context in which I used to live, I don’t think it sounds that insane.

I don’t know how to talk to a girl, don’t even know what to do when I am alone with a girl (I’ve had a couple of chances of actually “nailing” with a girl, but over-thinking what to do or say, ended on her leaving, bored).

So, I’m here, alone, NEEDING a girlfriend (I have even started to DREAM with me having a girlfriend, and I don’t even know the girl I am dreaming of!).

That’s why I’m here. Talking to you guys, without embarrassment or nothing, just telling you what I feel, begging for your comments, suggestions, or anything you could possible tell me.

Extremely appreciated,

David.

well david..
honey weight,size,color, and etc doesnt matter when ur dealing with love matter..
like what u've said in ur letter ur appearance has totally changed.well in fact, its still the same u, david..
it is not about what u look like..its about the insecurities u have inside..
i know ur a beautiful man david..and u shud trust to that view..
ur not ugly and u just have to face ur weaknesses..
if ur weakness is about girls..then u have to deal with it..
dont be shy to ask a girl out..u'll see..
to u david, good luck..
and cheer up!
if u have a problem dont be shy to leave a message or mail me..

[element_one]

First of all I'd like to thank all the replies I've got. So thanks everyone

I mean, yeah, I think my problem is completely related with self-confidence and insecurity issues. When I was obese, I almost had no self-esteem. I just got used to people making fun of me, and I even used to laugh with them. All that translated to a poor image I used to have about me, and now that is paying the consequences.

As I already said, recently (say, 3 months ago) I started to hang out with "outgoing" type of guys, since my looks have improved I just wasn't afraid of being rejected like I used to, about 2 years ago.

So, I've seen how these guys act with girls. I mean, they are just so relaxed, funny, even careless when talking to girls. they just let things flow.

and every time I try to do the same (talk to a girl), I just try to repeat whatever they do. It's like freaking studying for a test, I mean I try EXACTLY to remember and do the same they do: The same words they use, the same accent, even the same body language. And things just can't be like that, I just feel stupid doing that.

However, when I try to "act" natural, just like I do with my closest friends ... I just can't. Don't ask me why, but I just can't. I mean, as soon as a girls starts to talk to me, I immediately "get into the shoes" of my "new" friends, and start to talk/move like them. I don't know why, it's just automatic. And I hate it.

P.S. I just wanna share this with you, so you can understand what I am going through. One of those friends I just talked about, told me the other day that he and his girlfriend went to a party a couple of weeks ago. Well, on that party he just drunk so much, that he was totally wasted, and his girlfriend had to make him stop kindly, cool him down with sweet words, and walk him home.

I WANT and NEED someone like that!! I mean, someone that protects me in every possible way, someone I can trust, and know that will be on my side forever (or at least until we break up).
I mean, I've been alone for 22 years, I have no idea how being love feels, I have always been around people in relationships, but not me. I have been alone way too much time, I need someone to be around me, to love me.

(Don't get the wrong impression, I mean it's not like I want someone to help me when I'm drunk, since I don't drink too much because I try to watch out for my weight. I didn't actually mean the idea of her helping my friend because he was drunk, I meant what it represent: She taking care of him, because she loves him like nothing more on earth (or at least that's what being in love means, right?).

Well, I'd like to thank you all again for reading this!!

Extremely grateful again,

David.