What is up with the "You don't matter" attitude?

[Bonovox40]

Hey everybody, check this out. I'm totally lost now. I have no idea what's the deal with her anymore.
I had a strange conversation last night. I went to my sisters and Joy told me that she was tired and wore out from starting to ovulate(uh ok?) so she didn't feel like joining us for a movie.
Here's the weird thing. We talked for awhile and somehow got talking about the past. I said "well, who knows how you'd be if I didn't meet you. You probably wouldn't be as happy as you are now." she goes "Oh, I think i'd find someone to be happy with. I'm not going to sit around like I used to and be sorry for myself." I go "perhaps, but you wouldn't be the same if you didn't meet me." she goes "Oh, I think i'd be fine." I said "But at least you're happy now with things." She goes "Ahh..I can't really complain."

WTF!? Where did that come from? This is from "low confidence, depressed, "why doesn't everyone love me" Joy??? Something is wrong with this. How can you be desperate to have people one minute and the one you supposedly love the most, act like they're unneccessary and maybe a waste of time to meet in the first place. Something is seriously awry. Her behavior is getting weird. Sure, abuse survivors something WANT someone to hurt them in some way but is this her trying to get me to do it? To make me feel unnessesary?
Earlier in the convo she said that she was tired and afraid of hanging out with me that she might snap at me. I told her that she needed some sex to make her cranky free. She goes "Today isn't the time or place for that. I don't think so. And then went to say how she's super fertile these next few days and I said how it fluxuates. She goes "Uhhh. You boys are so stupid sometimes." and went on to explain what she just learned in reproductive health. I told her "Other boys are stupid but not me. If you're going to say that, get it right and don't include me in you mass judgement."

I got home around 10:15 and didn't have a message so I figured Joy didn't feel like calling me or was sleeping so I didn't call her. Her 10:30 curfew came and I was sitting there thinking about that she didn't call but it's no big deal. at 10:40 the phone rings and it's her. She goes "Hi, did you get my message?" and I go "No" and she goes "Arrghh, I hate your answering machine! It never keeps my messages!" She went on to explain that she got to see her new nephew finally and that her parents were possibly going to hold some kind of living rights over the baby (because her brother and wife are homeless) and they're worried about it's safety. Not full custody but something else. I told her that it's pretty serious but that's good they'll be there for it. She sounded like she got kinda miffed at something I said in just the way she was talking. Like I didn't agree with her about the whole thing. I said I did but that it's unfortunate the parenting has to fall on her parents now and not the parents. (brother is supposed to go to rehab)

Anyway, she said next time she's over that she's going to smash my answering machine. I told her i'd help her and then take it out on her ass for actually ruining my answering machine. (jokingly) She goes
"Right, sure you will." and I go "what'ya mean?" she says "That's not going to happen. Besides, you don't intimidate me." I go "Oh, I don't do I?" and she goes "Nah, besides you know me, I have to be in control all the time." I said "Yeah, part of you wants me to intimidate you doesn't it?" she goes "No it doesn't. Besides, you're not like that." I just paused and said "Hmmm..whatever!" she goes "Geez, can't you take a joke?" and I go "A joke..riiight." and we ended the convo soon after.

WTF!?
What the hell was that all about? I'm totally serious when she said that last part about intimidation and the rest, it felt like Robin's (my ex who used me) voice on the other end. Not that it felt like I was talking to her but that the TONE and WAY she said it was like Robin's. Not good. Very disturbing to me.

What could she mean by that? That I dissapoint her because i'm not intimadating? That she doesn't see me as a man? What? I was so taken aback by the whole thing that it wasn't even funny. Where is this side of her coming from? What does it mean? Why?

Hope to hear from you because i'm seriously just lost right now. I'm running through options in my head and i'm even thinking of telling her off about her behavior and the way she's been treating me these last few days and how i'm not putting up with this shit.

~Zac

[squirrley]

Man dont put up with that shit! Listen she could use her PMS thing as an excuse to her behavior-but thats it its an EXCUSE! What shes doing is called LACK OF RESPECT. She doesnt respect you Bono-do you really want to be involved with someone like her? I see where youre coming from with your conversation about being glad you met and what if you hadnt...she shouldve been more in tune with you...and if she felt remotely close to you she wouldve been saying nice things back to you-instead you got the ice cold shoulder...she doesnt sound like a caring person at all...

I dont know her-but from what you say she's been pretty well lacking in the love department here-Id talk to her and let her know how shes making you feel-try to be positive about it somehow-or dont place ALL the blame on her-just let her know YOURE not feeling good about things at this point...

Goodluck Bono-

[Bonovox40]

That's what I feel like. I feel like telling her "Look, I know you have problems and some big things in life you're facing, but you're seriously disrespecting me and taking me for granted. If you're just pissy, then fine. Don't take it out on me because i'm not standing for it. I haven't deserved one bit of how you've been towards me. A little bit of anger or frustration is fine now and then but for more than a week? Unnaceptable. And ESPECIALLY after i've been treating you good. You go from saying you feel like i'm the one for you and then a few days later act like i'm some unncessisary weight on your back. I don't dumb my problems on concerns on you. I don't nag you or smack you around. If you don't want ME in your life anymore, fine, but tell me if that's what you're getting at before I make my own decesion based on your actions and behavior because i'm telling you now that you're pushing it in that direction. If I didn't care, i'd just let this go on and I wouldn't even give you a hint that i'm walking away, BUT I do love you and it's only FAIR that you know how I feel."

I know I throw advice out there to others and of course it's easier to say then practice what you preach. But that doesn't mean i'm a hypocrite. If I was myself 2 years ago today, i'd just wallow in self-doubt and pity and hope she changed her mind and started acting like she loved me more. I'm stronger than that now and YES, it hurts to get treated like this and have someone one day say that they can see themselves with you for the rest of their life (regardless of if it happens or not), and then the next day brush your hand from them and act like they'd do fine without you in their life or be perfectly happy without you.
If you treat someone with love and genuine, regardless of what happens in your life socially or relationship-wise, you don't treat your partner the way she's treating me. Unnacceptable. I'm just pissed at myself that I didn't say something to her last night when we talked.

[squirrley]

well youre thinking things through-which is good-you dont want to go off on her...thinking about how you could say things in the right way-without attacking her is important-whether you give a shit or not-you dont want things to be nuts...

Take some time a day or two see how she is after she gets passed her "ovulation"(by the way *bullshit*) if she continues with her "non-caring I dont care" attitude...tell her you deserve better than that!

I agree with you-if you love someone youd want to be treated the same you treat them...and when that isnt going both ways...something is wrong.

[BillyGalbreath]

Dude - that girl is wack - Destine treated my like that for nearly a month before she just up and left one day - I cant say that she is gonna leave you or not because all women are different - just keep your eyes open - hope for the best and expect the worst - but dont get your hopes up man - thats all I got to say...

[manderbug]

They say absence makes the heart grow fonder...which may or may not be true, but in this case, I think you might want to try that out. (given how much time you have dedicated attempting to help this girl with no progress.)

She will likely miss someone like you who was there to be a support and shoulder to cry on.

[Bonovox40]

I feel like blowing up at her. I feel like giving her the key she gave me (symbolic "key to her heart" she gave me) and saying "I don't want this if this is for a heart that's tainted with hate and disrespect." Serious yeah, but I'm very upset right now. I'm still not sure what I want to do but i'm not standing for this.

[BillyGalbreath]

try not to act out of anger - I have learned that that gets no where - and i dont seem to think straight when i am pissed off

Try to calm down and then talk to her - or - just cut contact with her - it will give you time to calm down and 'get away' from that crap - and it will give her time to realize that she misses you and wants you to be around - then she will come to you and she will cherish the time she has when you two are together --- or she is just say **** it and not worry about it - whatever happens is going to happen eventually - this is just a way to help both parties out and make the inevitable come faster.

[Bonovox40]

It feels like it's inevitable that SOMETHING is going to happen and that it won't be fun. I talked to a friend and he said that she won't know i'm serious until I do something serious. Like put my foot down and walk, and actually recommended I do that anyway. He said if she doesn't INSTANTLY try to get you back, then she doesn't want the relationship either or is wack. The thing is, even with that serious of an ultimatum, ("I'm not going to stand for the way you're treating me. I'm done, goodbye.") is that if I take her back, i'm already giving in basically. How can I "win" this battle and still be the one in control?

If I say "I'm tired of X, I want you to be like Y", she'll know that all she has to do is imitate Y and either way is a gamble if i'll put my foot down. What other OPTIONS do I have in letting her know that i'm serious? I'm not one for that "take some space" bullsh*t. That makes a guy look wishy-washy and I fell for that with my ex. "I need to figure out my issues and then we'll get back together because I still love you. Of course we won't date/sleep with others." (and then she did anyway)

Not keeping in contact or just "saying" that we're taking a break is NOT an option I will consider. What else then? I don't know what else can be a "punishment" for the way she's treated me. I'm not going to play the "I'm going to date around and see if you're really what I want" card because I did that and it's a stupid mind f*ck game.

The bottom line is I told Joy this early in the relationship. "If I feel that you're betraying me, or doing something behind my back, or treating me like my ex did, then i'm walking, plain and simple." The thing is, she HAS been treating me like my ex recently and that's why i'm so frustrated by it.

I should WALK AWAY just out of principle and not be a hypocrite to myself!

My friend seems to think that I may have been a tool for her. And I don't deny that that's a possibility but I hope to God that it wasn't like that. Example:
1. The other guy she "loves" is/was dating someone else. So Joy chooses me to compete with.
2. The status of an "older guy" while I date in HS is appealing to all her friends and peers
3. Bringing an "older guy" to prom is appealing and a ego/status boost.
4. Now that the other guy she "used to love" is available....what to do with Bono over here...hmm....

So, yeah, there's some serious red flags against me here. I don't know. I'm almost tempted just to break up out of curiosity to see if she WILL try and get me back. I'm almost thinking that she'll cry and moan and then get angry and then i'll leave. She'll call back in a few days asking to try again. (most likely because nobody else who she "loves" will take her)

It's sad that i'd plan that out without knowing in advance but I see the SAME thing happening to me AGAIN that my ex did. The feelings of someone else weigh more than I do. I was just a tool to get by but i'm leaving first instead of waiting around till I get screwed completly. (which I did with my ex. I was a pus*y and whined and moaned about that I love her and made excuses for her)

If this was just a couple day thing squirrly, then yeah, of course i'll be human enough to wait a few days. But this behavior has been at least for a MONTH. What I posted was just the last few days worth. You think she'd be freakin bending over backwords to thank me for going to prom with her. You know how weird that is? A 26 yr old going to prom. You know how much crap I got from friends that I did that for her? But it's because I loved her.

Yes, I said LOVED because right now my heart is in neutral gear. Our relationship engine is idling rough and it's either going to sputter out of get back in gear. I don't know so i'm playing it safe with my feelings. The last time I stuck up for someone out of love they burned me something fierce. Of course I do love her but i'm putting the logical forward now and the emotion on the back burner for now until I know what the deal is. I never even told her that she "owes" me for anything related to prom. I did it because it was special to her and she treats me like a dog. I'm the first guy to not directly hurt her mentally or physically OR reject her advances, and she treats me like this.

What is wrong with women? I understand completly the "jerk" aspects that they enjoy, but to actually WANT or feel the NEED to be hurt or have conflict? How warped is that mentality? And the sad thing is, there is ALOT of women out there that are like that. Tons! And i'm attracted to their personality types God damn it! Arrrrgh!

Note to readers: She just called me this minute. I left a message on her machine at lunch saying "can you give me a call when you have time today, we need to talk."
She called talking all sweet souding: Her: "Hi! how are you? watcha up to?" Me: "Oh, just working." Her: "Whatcha doing tonight?" Me: "Going bowling with my sis and bro-in law" Her: "That sounds fun! Can I come?" Me: "I thought you had plans with your gf?" Her:"um..no, I don't think I do." some more blah blah, and then Her: I just wanted to call you. I miss you." Me: I heard about your mom and blah blah" (didn't reply to the I miss you, was angry sorta)

So now she acts all sweet and said "love you" when we hung up. Wtf?

[SpaZz]

Communication yall, its the hardest thing to do with the person u most love, cause u don't wanna hear that they don't feel the same way. But i'd say to put ur mind at ease.... get together with her. "We need to talk" and lay it all dwn on the table, no raised voices or nothing, stay calm, but b4 u start make it clear that u don't want to have a fight but just want to sort this out... and 4 her to really just listen. Hell take 10mins or take 2 hrs but make sure u get everything(not just the bad, but how much u love her too) off ur back. Then ask her what she wants/feels....and that u want non of that beating around the bush bullshit... hinting at this or that.
But straight up honesty. This will iether get u back in gear. or u throw her out of the car. either way, u'll sleep better at night.

[Bonovox40]

Ok, here's what happened last night:

We were on the way to my sisters and stopped and parked right before we got there. I told her that we needed to talk and she was like "ok. what's up?" and let it out on her. I basically said that "this last month you've treated me like garbage. You've been mean to me, disrespected me and made me feel like I don't matter much in your life." She gave me a look like 'I don't follow you' and asked "What do you mean? What did I say?" So I said some things and she goes "I only meant them as a joke, you know the same way we joke about other things. I never meant for you to take them that way." I said "even if that's all it was was a joke, it's how you said them that was harsh. I told her that I was considering breaking up with her based on what I told her at the beginning that when it came to my standards, that I wouldn't compromise. She goes "what standards?" I said "I told you that if I ever feel that you 1.Are doing something behind my back 2.Lying to me in some way against me, 3. betraying my trust 4. disrespecting me, that i'd walk without a moments hesitation regardless of where we stand wether it be 5 months or 5 years." She goes "Ok, I remember kinda you saying that. I said "You've broken one of those. You've disrespected me." She said "I never thought that the way I've been acting made you feel this way, I wish you said something earlier." I go "How would it have made things different if I said it a week, or a day ago?" she goes "Because that would be one more day I could treat you better so you wouldn't break up with me." and she started crying. She says "I had no idea I was making you feel this way. I know something has been wrong with me this last month, I don't know what it is, even my parents have said that i've been acting like a bitch and need to watch it. I know i've been massively hormonal and i've never been the same since I switched off the pill! I'm so sick over being this way! I don't know what to do!" (more sobbing)
I said, "I know there's times you're going to be hormonal, but for a month at a time? That's not normal. And it's ok, to be pissy some days and sad others, but to take everything out on me because I choose to be here for you? That's unacceptable." She goes "But i'm afraid to ever be sad or be angry around you." I said "Why? You can't keep acting happy 24/7 especially when I know you're not." She goes "Because if I get angry at you then we'll fight and you'll break up with me." (more sobbing) I said "Joy, I WANT you to get angry at times, I want you to be sad at times, I want you to be happy alot of the time. But I don't want you to hide being who you are. If we fight, we fight. Big deal. Lovers always get into arguments now and then. Look at my sister, she bitches and fight with Mike but they're ok and they still love one another at the end of the day." She goes "Yeah, but they're married." I said "So what? You think that their bond is more special than what ours is? Or is it you look at marriage as a way two people won't give up even if they do fight?" And she goes "Yeah, sorta like that." I said "So what about all the divorces in the world? People say 'F*ck marriage!' It's the bond people make together that ENDURES by their own devices. Marriage just represents that bond.

I know much of your behavior has been hormonal, I do know that because i've seen it when you switched off the pill. (She asked me in the middle of our conversation if sex was a reason for me being upset with her and she cried and I said "sex has nothing to do with it. Sure, we're both frustrated a little but I hold nothing against you. Sure it's frustrating for you that the last few times we've tried sex (with gaps in between) it's hurt and we've had to stop. I know you're upset because you can't get pleased and upset that I can't either and you blame yourself." she said that she does blame herself and cried sobbing that "I love to have sex and I hate thinking that you might think I don't want to with you because I do, it's just hurt so much." we talked about it a little more and I reasussured her that we've had great sex when she was healthy. But that when she got an allergic reaction from using the ring, that things went downhill from there. Of course I told her it wasn't her fault, how would we know she'd react so intensly to it?

I told her that I know hormones were one thing but there was something else she wasn't telling me but acting out against me. And that's why i'm talking to her now to find out her reasons instead of just breaking up and not giving her a chance to speak her mind. I said "I wanted to know what's been going on from your point of view. If you were upset with me, bored, fell out of love or were just afraid to say you want to break up and waiting till I pulled the trigger." she goes "Why would I want to do that? You're the best thing that's ever happened to me and I don't want to lose you! It's nothing like that." I say "But there's somethings bothering you. She goes "I know you said I can always come talk to you, but i'm afraid to." I said "why? when have I ever blown up at you?" she goes "It's just i'm afraid you'll be upset or have your feelings hurt and breakup with me." I said "I told you that if we have an open communication, then we won't hurt each other. When we're afraid to talk it creates a black rift between us. And sometimes we walk into to that not knowing what it is and then we can't see the truth and we get lost and stung. But if we talk openly, then there's that peace of mind. We can talk and we'll know what we're feeling and feel good in trusting each other and be happy. There won't be a rift." She goes "It's just that there's some things that I know you'll be hurt about." I said "try me." she goes "Well, it's just sometimes I feel like i'm being smothered. And I don't mean that in a bad way because I love you and I love being with you, I just need my space sometimes." I said "That's totally normal, I need my own space too." She goes "I'm not talking about needing space like "let's take a break" space, I mean just throughout the week sometimes I want to see my friends or just do my thing at home." I said "When have I ever stopped you? I encourage you to have friends." She goes "I know, but i'm afraid that on a day I have plans, that if you call and want to do something, that if I say "no", you'll be hurt and breakup with me." I said "Joy, i'm a 26 yr old man. You don't think I can't live without you all the time or having you make plans? I'm the same way! There's times I go hang with my friends, or do my own thing and just want "me" time. I never expected to have us do something day after day. Everybody needs a break no matter how much they're in love. It's just healthy. I know that from my past. Having your own time and breaks every now and then is good." She goes "Ok, I was just afraid that you'd be upset." I said "No! I just didn't know you felt that I was doing that to you. All you had to do was tell me." she goes "I wish I did, i'm sorry I didn't. It's like the prom week, we saw each other Thurs-Sun and then almost made plans Monday and got into an arguement about other stuff. It's just that I saw you alot and needed a break." I said "I felt the same way too but monday when you asked what I was doing and then ASKED me if you could come with, I figured you weren't tired of me yet." She goes "I didn't want you to think I wouldn't want to spend time with you." I said "It's always mutual. I'd rather you just be honest and tell me than see me on a day you'd rather have "Joy" time and be frustrated or upset that you didn't do what you wanted to." She goes "It's just that I didn't expect you to feel the same way I did about this. Everyone else I was with seemed to breakup with me when I was open about saying how I felt and such. I just expected you to be the same cause it always feels too good to be true." I said "I'm not like them and I never have been. I know it's hard to not judge the present with the past, but look at you and I and JUST that when you're confused about something. Look at how we are right now and not what you or my life had in our pasts. I'll try and do the same too." She smiled and took my hand.
(continued below)

[Bonovox40]

I said "There's something else too on your mind. It's about recent things isn't it? You can tell me, i'm listening." She said "I'm just...(she looks down), just jealous."
"Of your friend?" I said "Of what she has." she replied. I said "So because they're engaged you feel that you're missing something?" She says "I just don't see what makes their relationship so special. I don't even see it working compared to us and now their engaged and I think 'why can't I have that too?'." I go "But now you're just judging other people's lives against ours. What you're telling me is Jackie's life is comparable to ours. And that our life is comparable to your brothers, and that his life is comparable to anyone else..like my sisters!" and she laughed and said "There's no way his life is like your sisters!" and I said "Exactly!" (I tried to put it into words that didn't say "You're just immature for thinking that we should be like other people and because someone else is happy and gets engaged after dating for 2 months, that by 4 we should too! That's immaturity talking!" But of course I just couldn't say that to her face like that. ;-)

I said "Look, I know how you feel for me and how I feel for you. But we share that together. We don't share that bond with Jackie or anyone else. I understand how it's easy to look at them and think that you should have it too because we've been together longer and such. But their life is different. I understand that you feel like you're ready for marriage, (more immaturity and lack of relationship exp) but..how can I put this.." (I see a house for sale across the street) "Ok, it's like getting engaged would be like us wanting a house to live in. You're ready to run over there and buy that house because we can afford it, no questions asked. But you want to sign the papers before looking inside. What if there's no furniture? What if things are falling apart? And i'm saying that the house doesn't represent you or me personally, but what we have. Of course right now things are good so you'd see what you needed to see in that house. But what if the walls or foundation was weak? What if the house couldn't keep standing and started to crumble?
Just because you know I want to wait to get married doesn't mean i've given up on us, not at all. What i'm doing is working on BUILDING the 'house' we want. I want us to build that together. If we make the foundation, if we put up the walls, then we KNOW they're solid, there's no question about it. Rushing in this soon is throwing everything up for grabs regardless of happiness or hurt. And i'd rather have happiness for us then to lose it to that hurt. I know you would too wouldn't you?" She nods.
"So when it comes to engagement and such, focus on us and what we are together. Judging others lives will just make you wonder what the truth is. And with us working at this relationship together, you won't have to wonder."

She hugged me and cried on my chest and said "I just don't want to lose you, I don't want you to breakup with me. I'm sorry I hurt you." I turned her chin up to me and said "You didn't hurt me, but I didn't want to be hurt by you and that's why we had to talk before it got to that point because you know what i'd do. There are no second chances with me, do you understand?" she looked at me and nodded. I said "The way you were disrespecting me and acting out towards me? Never again." She nodded and said "Will you forgive me?" and I said "Yes, I do." and she smiled and hugged me for awhile and said "Let's start over anew ok?" I said "No, we don't need to start over, let's continue where we're at knowing things are better from here on out." she said ok and when we were ready to leave she reached over and said "I want to say it again. I'm sorry that I did those things to you. I want you to know that." I said that I did and she kissed me and we had a nice night visiting my sister and had dinner there.
When I took her home we hung out and she was cuddly to me and when we left she kissed me and flirted some and acted silly and like the Joy I know. I didn't want to push anything more on her but I said "I know we talked and i'm glad we did" she goes "I am too." and hugged me. I said "I know I did most of the talking but is there anything you wanted to ask or say that you didn't have a chance to?" She goes "A little, but it's for another time. We had a good discussion and let's leave it at that for now. I'll tell you another day." I said "Fair enough. Good call. As long as you know you can talk to me anytime." and we both smiled and kissed each other and hugged and I left.

So I feel like I made a good decesion. I still feel like i'm in control but then again, she's never controlled me. I'm in control of my part of the relationship and there isn't anything I can't walk away from if it becomes toxic. She knows that I won't stand for anything else like that again and if she pushes (which she also said at one time that "I've never tried to push you or see how far I could, I'm tired of playing games and I don't want to play them with or against you.") that i'll break up again. She had me on the edge and she KNOWS it now if she didn't before.
I'm still going to play it safe and WATCH how things are. I'm going to still love her and most importantly be MYSELF. But I will also work at being aware and not let her or anyone else disrespect who I am because I don't deserve that. I think that it was good I stood up and talked to her. If anything she might feel that because we "survived" a near miss, that we're even stronger. (possibly since women like to use events and emotions as a way to weigh the relationship) or she may feel some kind of sadness that she pushed me that close. But if she TRULY loves me she'll know that she almost lost me and work harder at being a better partner. If she DOESN'T really love me and acted last night, well, she's not THAT intelligent to pull off acting like she does for very long and i'll find out the truth and that'll be that. I do think that she was honest about what we talked about and her fears about things.

That's what most of her problem is. Low self-confidence, self-doubt and fear. Sometimes those get better in time ESPECIALLY after high school for some people, and sometimes not. It all depends on who you are. But I think she has a chance, and i'm willing to give her a chance when it comes to complimenting me at this time in my life. I'll let you know how it goes.

[BillyGalbreath]

damn bonovox - I havent read any of these posts in here - but when you post something - god damn ! you post something ! lol

[Bonovox40]

I'm good like that. lol. I just figured if someone is going to take the time to read, then I might as well say the whole story instead of a half ass condenced version. (Wether or not the story itself is half assed to begin with is another thing altogether!)

[squirrley]

Bono-Im so impressed! Im glad you took the time with her and explained how you really felt. As hard as that was-you did it. Her crying is part of it. But when you feel something is wrong-its more likelu the odds that theres something wrong on both ends. And communicating is the number one thing to have in a relationship. I think and bet she knows where she stands now-and its not on solid ground herself. Shes gotta watch her p's and q's. It will be a test of her love. I think you did the right thing in talking with her and not down at her-giving her the analogy of the house buying is perfect! Building the foundation. A lot of women who are in a circle of friends and are doing things theyre not makes them look at their own lives-makes them wonder what theyre missing or what not-its just normal. But for her to let you know that was big! So I think youve accomplished alot lastnight and got through to her. Give it some time and see what happens. I truly commend you for speaking your mind the way you did.

Goodluck!