Confess or keep it quiet?

[Leith1812]

I've known this woman for a nearly a decade, we've connected off and on since graduation but she's been in long term relationships since and I have never had the opportunity to pursue her in any meaningful capacity.

We've recently reconnected after another stint traveling over seas and I feel the chemistry as if it were still the first day we met. The problem is, she's pursuing her last few years in medicine and has been in a relationship for the last two years. It is on the decline, she has admitted as much and is already talking about, subtly, what she wants in her next partner.

I have a good feeling about a long term relationship with her, we would mesh very well but I am afraid to admit anything to her. If it goes south, there is the potential to lose a good friend, if it goes well, well, great! There is still the problem of her current relationship, I don't want to be the person who breaks up a couple for my own interests or even suggest doing it, it just rubs me the wrong way. However, now that we are both in the same region for an extended period of time I find myself wanting to reveal my attraction towards her.

My other concerns include inciting feelings of betrayal, being friends so long and not admitting anything earlier.

I don't want to appear to presenting an ultimatum or an all or nothing scenario.

I understand this is a selfish venture and an unfair admission to anyone, male or female, particularly while they're in a relationship, however the heart is dictating my actions at this point and would like to convey that to her.

[Indignant]

It sounds to me that you have not found it in yourself to have the deep enough desire, strength or motivation to reach the next stage. You have to consider that by opening up to her you could be gaining a partner for a lifetime, and there shouldn't be any concern about losing a friend in her. In most instances women do not punish men for proclaiming love, it always is a great compliment that your friend in fact loves you. Present yourself gracefully and the rest would be her hands.

[Mr.Bagel]

The thing is, if you never pursue... u'll always live in the constant questioning of yourself and regret. If you happen to not make it, and she decides or you decides to not be good friends anymore. Then I'm sorry to tell you that you don't have a friend in each other, and you might as well forget it.

Real friendships lasts through the pursue of something special. If things happens to go south...

Good luck!