Is This Really Love?

[Aeradalia]

I am in a relationship with a man who means the world to me. His current occupation does steal him away quite often, but his contract will be up in June, then he'll move on to another job (which has yet to be decided... many possibilities). In the meantime, we spend as much time together as possible, he tries to inform me what days he'll be available... set aside time. He calls at least once a day when he's out of town (sometimes neglects sleep and we may talk for two or three hours).

We are both intuitive and analytical at times... so we quickly realized our attraction, the subsequent affection, and then both admitted to having fallen in love as time progressed.

I feel calm and hopeful whenever I'm around him, as though all things are possible... he says he feels the same around me. We joke and laugh, share in mutual creative pursuits, and though we may differ in some regards we somehow find amusement in those qualities... rather than being troubled by them. He is physically attractive to me --- seems to fit my 'type'... and when asked, he had a similar response. Intellectually, he seems to be 'on the same level' in that I do not feel like I have to talk down to him or try to be exceptionally complex to keep up with him... I can be myself. Our conversations are free and easy... and quite honest. I feel safe confiding in him... no fears that he'll be judgmental or that he may forsake me. His thoughts and feelings mean so much to me... I somehow feel honored.. privileged... to listen to him.

In one of our conversations he said that he felt that what we have is not a means to end, rather it is what people may spend their whole lives looking for. I agreed with him... I do feel complete with him... I think about him throughout the day.. and these feelings are quite strong... yet somehow I am able to think clearly, sensibly. Also, though I know it would hurt greatly.. I feel that if he were to lose interest in me and find happiness elsewhere, that I would be inclined to let him leave without protest... his happiness means so much to me.

I have a few things going on at the moment that I would like to finish, and would like to try to improve my current situation over these next few months. Almost feel driven or inspired to want to better myself. He says that he's trying to find a job that suits him that is closer to where I live... since in June he will have a chance to 'uproot.' In the meantime... he expressed the need to stay in touch.

In the past I have thought I was 'in love' many times. Confused infatuation, and self-sacrifice (especially that) with love. In this situation I feel something I've never felt before... could be a new thing to mistaken for love... but I really don't think so. He honestly tries to find the time for me.. rearrange schedules if he can, and tells me when he does have time. I've noticed that I do try to find time for him... and I am eager to help him in any way I can. I feel like myself around him... and even earlier in our relationship.. I had felt like I had known him my whole life. As I've learned more about him, I have yet to be surprised or taken aback by anything he tells me.

I really do hope this is love...

[Jade Altair]

I feel like myself around him.

Who do you feel like when you are not around him?

[Aeradalia]

Who do you feel like when you are not around him?

In previous relationships... I've always felt like I had to be someone else to please them... (I know... the mistake of being way too accommodative).

Before, when I was by myself... I felt like the weight of the world was on my shoulders and I had to toughen up or at least try to bottle up my emotions (suck it up and deal with it). Left me feeling calloused and very alone... which is unlike me, I like being positive and enjoy the company of others.

Now when I am not around him, I feel inspired somehow. I am not so worried about all that could go wrong... I know what I should do/have to do and I simply do it. I still feel like me, even when he's not around --- thoughtful, outgoing, determined and optimistic. (Even noticed how at ease I feel in daily life, that difficulties that once bothered me greatly are now quite manageable, and even friends that know me well have remarked on how comfortable I am to be around now).

Essentially I feel the same with or without him... though I do miss his company quite a bit when he's gone... but that's to be expected.

[nbfsb]

what a long post...