Should I accept an open relationship??

[MuMu]

Well basically we started dating when I was 24 going on to 25 and it's been about 4yrs we've been together. Our relationship has been great until this last month. We had a big conversation about how we really feel about each other and she feels that we should have an open relationship. She agreed with me that the reason she feels this way is because her Dad cheats on her mother but their still together and it seems as if the mother accepts it. Anyways the bottom line is she’s got some really bad experiences with people around her and family in long term relationships.

Well she was only 23 when we started dating with very little dating experiences in her true adult life. At the beginning I told her she should date but ofcourse she refused and now she wants to date. And tells me she wants to find out if I'm really the one. What is that supposed to really mean?

Well of course I didn't agree with her decision but I want to be understanding of her feelings and be there for her. My question is what should I do in this situation? I have a ring for her and want to get engaged and she knows the engagement is kind of right around the corner but I'm not sure if this is the right moment in time to do so. I feel like I could be losing her if I let her date and then she'll think I'm not the one. She may think that I don't love her enough because I'm letting her talk to other men.

I honestly think she wants some space but not to really date other men just talk to and see how strongly she feels about me. I think she maybe just saying about the date thing because she loves it when I get jealous. She laughs and thinks it’s cute when I get mad after she tells me she found another man to talk to. She also has asked me if I've talked or met anyone else in a jealous way. She also talks about me getting over her and she trying to get over me, I’m not sure if she's joking or serious. It’s one of those moments where she says it seriously then laughs and brushes it off.

Last night when we talked she sounded a little annoyed but then told me she loved me but in a friendly way and kind of laughed, She’s never done that before, so what was that all about? Like I said I'm lost on this one, everyday that goes by it gets weirder and weirder and I think I’m losing her. Everyday now she wants me to get over her but she still calls me every night just like always but now it’s getting friendlier as the days go by, I’m getting a little scared guys.

What should I do?

Thanks.

[Cain]

Sounds like she's trying to break it off casually.

I'd never accept an open relationship. Ever.

[MuMu]

She feels like I'm such a good man for accepting this. And if I don't I'm not being understanding of her feelings.

This is deffinently not what I want but I can't help it, I don't want to come off as a mean guy and selfish.

[Cain]

Selfish? If a woman tells me that she wants to have an open relationship, it means she wants to **** another guy. I don't share.

Selfish is her expecting you to accept it and getting mad if you don't. Of course she's going to stroke your ego if you accept it. She wants you to think you're amazing so you don't stop accepting it.

[MuMu]

Your saying I should say no to this point blank but before you say that I have to tell a little more.

I know her very, very well and she definitely doesn't want to fuc other guys she's not that kind of women trust me. I've dated and know just about every kind of girl. Definitely a one of a kind, all my friends thinks she's special.

I'm cool with her testing her waters but I just don't know how long I should let this go on or should I even let this go on at all. She wants this to be a secret doesn't want anyone to know. She also still keeps all her pics of us on both of her public profiles. But ofcourse I'll leave the possibility that it could be just temporary.

Man I really feel like giving her some tough love. I thought about your advice Cain many times before but I'm also afraid I may lose her for good if I do that.

[Cain]

I know her very, very well and she definitely doesn't want to fuc other guys she's not that kind of women trust me.

I didn't even finish reading your post. I just wanted to comment on this really quick and then I'll finish.

You don't know her near as well as you think you do. Trust me. She's capable of anything. And the sooner you start to believe that, the better. I'm telling you this from experience because I had the same kind of "she's not that kind of girl" with my ex and there are quite a few people here that can vouch for me. She IS capable of that. All women are.

[Cain]

Man I really feel like giving her some tough love. I thought about your advice Cain many times before but I'm also afraid I may lose her for good if I do that.

You're going to have to get over that. Otherwise you're going to get walked all over for fear of losing her. There are far too many women out there to be so smitten over one.

If she wants to date around, fine. There's nothing wrong with that. However, there shouldn't be a relationship with you while it's going on. My ex and I broke up and I suspect she wanted to test the waters and see what it was like because she was with another guy a month later. However, the difference is that she played little mind games with me and acted like a bitch at times and so the friendship turned sour.

If she wants to see what dating other people is like... let her. And you should do the same. However, do NOT be in a relationship. Tell her that you think the two of you should break things off and date other people. If you return to each other, great. If not, oh well.

[MavViper]

hate to say it but you should break things off if she's wanting to test the waters. You guys have been dating for 4 years and she wants to find out if you really are the one? To be honest she should already know and it shouldnt take her testing the waters to find that out.

I would flat out tell her no on the open relationship. Stand your ground and dont get walked on. You already think she is the one for you, hence the ring.

[bluesummer]

If she wants to see other people, break it off. Or turn it into a casual relationship....meaning neither of you are committed bf/gf and YOU can date whoever you like, too.

she has a warped idea of what's okay in a relationship, based on what she's seen from her parents. It's not normal. You shouldn't feel like you should have to sacrifice your own dignity to keep this girl. There are many great girls out there that won't force you to do that.

[carl1222]

I agree that an open relationship anticipates the likelihood of sexual contact. Unless you are horribly controlling, I assume that she's already free to socialize with men on a non-romantic level.

If you want to find out what page she's on, suggest an open dating relationship where she can go out on dates but anything physical, even kissing on the mouth, is considered cheating. I'll bet you a dollar to a dime she wouldn't go for that agreement.

My advice? Save yourself he cost of a ring and subsequent divorce ... RUN.

Good luck

Carl.

[Gigabitch]

You want to get engaged and she wants an "open" relationship. Open relationship = open legs. Do NOT propose to someone who is letting some other guy into her cookie jar.

You should break up with her and tell her to come back when she's ready to get serious.

[MuMu]

I spoke with her briefly today and now it appears that I took the open relationship the wrong way. We'll talk more later tonight about this but now it's as if I got this whole situation wrong.


Thanks for the quick reply's.

[IndiReloaded]

I doubt you took it the wrong way. She just knows she can't have her cake and eat it too.

You are in danger of being her doormat. If she wants to see other guys, dump her & let her.

LOL, I knew Cain would be right in here on this one. You should search for his breakup thread, MuMu. Might find something in common.

[Gigabitch]

Maybe your girlfriend should register on LF and get some clarification about what the hell she's talking about, then.

Just what, exactly, did she say she meant by "open relationship"? I think you're getting played, sweetie.

[adam250]

No do not accept an open relationship. A girl has to give you all or nothing. She will lose respect for you if you accept an open relationship. Come back in a month and see what happens.