My GF won't give BJ's; but, she has a good reason for it...

[lesa]

Please break up with her. She deserves better. You need to find your match and live happily ever after.

[Dasein]

OP...she was SEXUALLY ABUSED by someone who forced his dick down her throat as a CHILD and you carry on about her not giving you a blow job...buddy you lucky to be getting ANY at all considering her history. Trust me..I know a number of people (male & female) who were sexually abused and it completely messes your head up.

If it is that important to you then you need to communicate this to her..but I can't think of any way that you can do this without sounding like an inconsiderate ass. That is why I suggested seeing a counsellor or something to assist in your approach.

I personally think that if you were patient and kind that things may change. Be encouraging when you are intimate. Tell her the things you enjoy and she can in turn tell you the things SHE enjoys. Most of all be kind.

[Jonas]

i can't believe how shallow people are nowadays that sex can be a dealbreaker.

I don't want it to be a dealbreaker... i'm really looking for advice on how to talk to her about this. christ, even a bj once a month would be ok; or, if she got me to the point of orgasm, and i pulled out of her mouth. i could live with that.

i've been in a long term relationship where there was no oral (ever) and no anal (ever). i just can't do that again.

i'm looking for a middle ground, and advice on how to talk to her about it.

[Jonas]

OP...she was SEXUALLY ABUSED by someone who forced his dick down her throat as a CHILD and you carry on about her not giving you a blow job...buddy you lucky to be getting ANY at all considering her history. Trust me..I know a number of people (male & female) who were sexually abused and it completely messes your head up.

If it is that important to you then you need to communicate this to her..but I can't think of any way that you can do this without sounding like an inconsiderate ass. That is why I suggested seeing a counsellor or something to assist in your approach.

I personally think that if you were patient and kind that things may change. Be encouraging when you are intimate. Tell her the things you enjoy and she can in turn tell you the things SHE enjoys. Most of all be kind.

thanks for the advice, i appreciate it

[Junket]

i can't believe how shallow people are nowadays that sex can be a dealbreaker.

Are you kidding me?

If I couldn't have sex you damn right know it would be a deal breaker!

You know what a relationship without sex is?

FRIENDS.

[dogmax]

Frasbee, it really depends on how you define sex
You wouldn't go kiss a friend of yours on the mouth or even stick your tongue in his/her mouth . But most of all, you wouldn't love each other mutually.

On Topic:
You could tell her how you feel. Let her know that you don't want to be a dealbreaker because of oral sex (even if it would be a dealbreaker).
And obviously she's not over that she was abused.. But instead of walking away, try help her getting over it. She may deny that she's not over it. And i don't know if she's not, but from what you say - I'd say she's not.

(I didn't read the 4 pages since it's 00:30 where i live, and I'm on my way to bed, so sorry if my message is rubbish and if it sounds like I blame you for anything )

[Gribble]

i can't believe how shallow people are nowadays that sex can be a dealbreaker.

How is that shallow? Sex is a part of relationships. It's a part of being human. If someone isn't willing to provide sex or to attempt to satisfy his or her partner changes need to be made. This is a special case, though, and it sounds like she's willing to do everything but go down on the guy.

[Dasein]

OP does she give you hand jobs at all?

[Indignant]

I don't want it to be a dealbreaker... i'm really looking for advice on how to talk to her about this. christ, even a bj once a month would be ok; or, if she got me to the point of orgasm, and i pulled out of her mouth. i could live with that.

i've been in a long term relationship where there was no oral (ever) and no anal (ever). i just can't do that again.

i'm looking for a middle ground, and advice on how to talk to her about it.

people in Africa are dying of starvation

[Junket]

people in Africa are dying of starvation

So?

That isn't anything new.

It's not every day some guy tries to get a blow job from a girl who was repeatedly orally raped.

[lesa]

Here's is why sex should be discussed at the beginning of a relationship. I always had. Why wait to talk about it? We already know that it's a part of a relationship...and I need an opinion on it.

I declined a relationship with a man who expected certain sexual pleasure that I was not willing to do. I'm glad that I did not waste a minute of his time or mine in a relationship.

[Dasein]

Here's is why sex should be discussed at the beginning of a relationship. I always had. Why wait to talk about it? We already know that it's a part of a relationship...and I need an opinion on it.

I declined a relationship with a man who expected certain sexual pleasure that I was not willing to do. I'm glad that I did not waste a minute of his time or mine in a relationship.

Lesa....do tell

[Gribble]

people in Africa are dying of starvation

That has nothing to do with the discussion at hand. An individual's problems are not devalued simply because elsewhere in the world someone has something worse to contend with. The guy's sexually frustrated. That doesn't go away because a kid was selfishly brought into a life of starvation and disease.

By that kind of logic this whole forum may as well be shut down.

[Jonas]

OP does she give you hand jobs at all?

Yes, but I'm not terribly into hand jobs... they're just OK. Vaginal and oral are really the two things I'm more into... anal once in awhile is nice, but I could forgo it for oral.

[Dasein]

Yes, but I'm not terribly into hand jobs... they're just OK. Vaginal and oral are really the two things I'm more into... anal once in awhile is nice, but I could forgo it for oral.

Yeah but hand jobs can morph into blow jobs. She could gently use her tongue on the tip to begin with while still using her hand.

You have to patient if this is worth it.