My GF won't give BJ's; but, she has a good reason for it...

[Junket]

I still honestly think you're being an insensitive prick.

I don't fault you for wanting oral.

But I do fault you in trying to pry it out of a girl who was "incestually" face raped.

Just the very act of putting that in her mouth could bring back those feelings of guilt, disgust, humiliation, violation, fear. Talk about a mood killer.

I think you should consider breaking up with this girl if no oral is a deal breaker for you. She owes you nothing in this regard, and you should expect nothing.

[Jonas]

Yeah but hand jobs can morph into blow jobs. She could gently use her tongue on the tip to begin with while still using her hand.

You have to patient if this is worth it.

Interesting.

[DoesntMatter]

I still honestly think you're being an insensitive prick.

I told you this at the beginning of the thread

[Jonas]

@frasbee & doesntmatter: I get that. I'm not trying to be insensitive, though; so much so that I was willing to post on this forum in an effort to find a way through this, so that I don't hurt this girl. I really do love her. I have a real internal conflict about even mentioning oral to her, because of what happened to her.

At the same time, I'm having trouble denying my needs as well. The last thing I want to do is hurt her, or dredge up the past... On the other hand, if we can't find some kind of middle ground, I know for a fact that long term, I won't be happy.

Anyways...throwing around insults isn't going to help me solve this dillema. If neither of you have anything constructive to add to the conversation, then please post on another thread.

[Gribble]

if we can't find some kind of middle ground, I know for a fact that long term, I won't be happy.

You aren't going to find a middle ground. Asking her to meet you somewhere isn't fair to her given the trauma she's suffered. I think you need to accept this and move on. It's best for the both of you.

[Jonas]

fair enough

[Junket]

I wasn't insulting you.

[Jonas]

For anyone still interested, we've made a little progress...

Against some of your advice, I brought the topic up (which I had planned to all along). I was very gentle with the discussion, expressed my deep concern for in any way dredging up the past (which I definitely don't want to do), but basically said that I consider oral sex to be part of a normal, healthy, physical relationship between two committed partners.

She actually understood. She said she just needs time to adjust, and expressed willingness to try and work on it. I told her I completely understood that she needed some time, and that I was willing to wait awhile, but that it was important to me, and I hoped that eventually she'd be able accept this as part of our normal sex life. She says she will. I'm willing to take her at her word on this...

The suggestion to slowly move her from handjobs to blowjobs was a good one. The past couple of times we've made love, I've directed her hand to me, and she's responded by taking me in her mouth. It still isn't the full monty, mind you, but she is staying there a bit longer each time, and getting a bit more into it.

To be completely fair to her, as I was about to achieve climax in her mouth recently, I asked her to stop, told her that I didn't want to come in her mouth, as I knew she wasn't ready for it, and we moved on to other activities. She seemed to really appreciate the fact that I didn't just unload in her.

So... a little progress. It's a good sign. And I don't mind waiting. I'm glad that I talked to her about it, though, so it didn't remain festering as a potential point of future resentment between us.

[lesa]

It sounds sucky (pun intended) to have you as a boyfriend. To me, that doesn't sound right at all. But....I suppose you must do what you feel is absolutely necessary.

[ecojeanne]

your post made me feel sorry for her. i think what you basically did was pressure her into to doing something she didn't want to do.

[Junket]

He better be suckin' some vagina.

[misombra]

you are all kinds of ewwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww.

[Male Man]

Sounds like a great girl Jonas and the fact she is willing to work with you is great....That being said you might want to consider just how deep her past abuse has affected her. These things sometimes can re-surface again and again. Think about it and make sure you are going into this with both eyes wide open.

[ransom_nite]

I can't believe this thread is still going? The guy is a twat for saying that the fact a blow job could hinder his relationship with a girl he supposeably says he loves, especially after what she has been through in the past. No matter what anyone says, A BLOW JOB IS NOT THAT IMPORTANT! Dude get a life, you don't deserve her.

[Junket]

I say good for her if she gets over it, but don't be surprised if it causes "triggers".