Good or bad signs?

[uncertain777]

Soooo, I am a little curious/confused about my situation, any help or suggestions would be appreciated

So I met this girl several weeks ago, and was very interested in her from the start. I began speaking with her over aim to get to know her better (and consequently, got more interested in her). I asked her on a lunch date, and it seemed to go well. We talked some more, and had a dinner date, that too was fun, and went well

I asked her at the end of the 2nd date if she would be interested in a 3rd date (also what she thought of me...) Her response was... something along the lines of 'a 3rd date would be fun, but I feel bad if you keep taking me out and a relationship doesn't occur... so maybe a group/friends thing?' and 'You seem like a nice guy, I want to get to know you better'.

So... here are a few extra details from a mutual friend...

After our 2nd date, she told my friend I seemed like a sweet guy, and later unprompted said I had an impressive personality and said I was a gentleman.

Both of those signs are positive (when I heard the second part I lit up inside )... but here is the kicker... the girl I am interested in is heavily a 'sparks' person. And after the first date, she said she didn't see any sparks from when we first met and the first date, so...

I guess my general question is, am I necessarily in a bad place so far?

[lastwish]

well...depends on the girl. If she is like you said... a "sparks person" then I guess...you are in bad position? But for most girls...they would give it another try (perhaps a second date). It is common for people to act nervous and not themselves on the first date so I would give a second chance...unless he is an asshole. See if the girl wants a second date.

[ecojeanne]

sorry to break it to ya; she already has made up her mind that she's not into you. she likes you and probably would like to be into you more and thats the guilt she's feeling now. leave it, asking her out again is just pressuring her to reject you outright which she really doesn't want to do, yep the signs are there and very clear.


'but I feel bad if you keep taking me out and a relationship doesn't occur'

a girl would never in her life say such a thing if she was interested

i'm sorry

[Arrow]

Soooo, I am a little curious/confused about my situation, any help or suggestions would be appreciated

So I met this girl several weeks ago, and was very interested in her from the start. I began speaking with her over aim to get to know her better (and consequently, got more interested in her). I asked her on a lunch date, and it seemed to go well. We talked some more, and had a dinner date, that too was fun, and went well

I asked her at the end of the 2nd date if she would be interested in a 3rd date (also what she thought of me...) Her response was... something along the lines of 'a 3rd date would be fun, but I feel bad if you keep taking me out and a relationship doesn't occur... so maybe a group/friends thing?' and 'You seem like a nice guy, I want to get to know you better'.

So... here are a few extra details from a mutual friend...

After our 2nd date, she told my friend I seemed like a sweet guy, and later unprompted said I had an impressive personality and said I was a gentleman.

Both of those signs are positive (when I heard the second part I lit up inside )... but here is the kicker... the girl I am interested in is heavily a 'sparks' person. And after the first date, she said she didn't see any sparks from when we first met and the first date, so...

I guess my general question is, am I necessarily in a bad place so far?

Be happy you actually made it to the second date...

Leave her alone for a while and see how things play out. She admires you, let's make she desire you too.

[uncertain777]

sorry to break it to ya; she already has made up her mind that she's not into you. she likes you and probably would like to be into you more and thats the guilt she's feeling now. leave it, asking her out again is just pressuring her to reject you outright which she really doesn't want to do, yep the signs are there and very clear.

'but I feel bad if you keep taking me out and a relationship doesn't occur'

a girl would never in her life say such a thing if she was interested

i'm sorry

Nah, No need to apologize, I've mostly come to that conclusion as well....

Everything you said makes sense though (too much sense possibly.. )

A 'group date', if you call it that, may happen in future. Basically its just dinner with her and her friends (mutual friend included) but I have a good feeling that is about where it will end... thennn its friend zone! (yayyy!!!! ... *sigh* )

Just for clarification... the "probably would like to be into you more" is mostly because the chemistry isn't there, right?

[ecojeanne]

Just for clarification... the "probably would like to be into you more" is mostly because the chemistry isn't there, right?

yep exactly.

ah sure having more friends is always a plus, always look on the bright side, she can probably give you insider info on dating girls and future girls

[uncertain777]

ah sure having more friends is always a plus, always look on the bright side, she can probably give you insider info on dating girls and future girls

Yea, no I definitely see the positive in being just friends. Its a shame though, since my mutual friend thinks there is a good chance still, and here I'm sure that the chance is close to non-existant... -.-

Aye, being the nice guy/gentleman doesn't seem to go that smoothly for us... :p

[ecojeanne]

Yea, no I definitely see the positive in being just friends. Its a shame though, since my mutual friend thinks there is a good chance still, and here I'm sure that the chance is close to non-existant... -.-

Aye, being the nice guy/gentleman doesn't seem to go that smoothly for us... :p

thing is; friends tend to go easy on the truth unfortunately/fortunately to help a person with their self esteem. problem is it can send a person in the wrong direction even tho it came from goodness. anyway if there is even a tiny chance you are still WAY better off dropping it. at this point she has given the negative and obvious signs, if she changes her mind which is extremely unlikely then SHE has to make the next move. without a doubt. do nothing more about this and you will come out looking good either way.

[TheTooya]

thing is; friends tend to go easy on the truth unfortunately/fortunately to help a person with their self esteem. problem is it can send a person in the wrong direction even tho it came from goodness. anyway if there is even a tiny chance you are still WAY better off dropping it. at this point she has given the negative and obvious signs, if she changes her mind which is extremely unlikely then SHE has to make the next move. without a doubt. do nothing more about this and you will come out looking good either way.

You know what, everything you said has made perfect sense. I will be following your advice, because that is really the only decision I have. Plus, if it ends up being just friends, theres a lot of positives, so all is cool.

Thanks ecojeanne