letter to boyfriend, reply wtf! help!

[glow]

so it's been tough with the guy and i and today i decided to email him about it after getting really frustrated today. i don't understand his reply. the line i don't get is in bold, help PLEASE

Hey
Read this in it's entirety before jumping to any conclusions.
I wanted to talk to you about this in person so maybe this e-mail is a mistake. It's basically one of the most impersonal ways to say anything... no surprise I would take this route. Plus, I haven't had the time to actually sit and talk to you. Pardon if you're offended or think I didn't care enough to say these things directly to you as for once I intended to but I don't like to let things sit if I'm actually willing to verbalize.
Generally, I refrain from verbalizing as much as possible. I know you've seen the aggressive side and may very well figure that's the only one I have but I am too very passive. Also, I'm guarded, defensive, and try to push people away in general. I am aware these things are not in the best interest for myself or anyone else. They're bad habits and I haven't been sure how willing I am to drop them. However, then there's the subject of You. I don't want that to be the case. I've started saying less though. Perhaps it's because I haven't seen you as much and am feeling unsure of things. I'm feeling like to see or hear from me is a burden. That's the last thing I'd ever want to be. I look forward to being around you or even talking to you. Granted, I know you're busy. No, I don't want to take away from any life you have previous to meeting me either, so I'm sorry if this sounds childish or like I'm implying a demand to drop things for me. I legitimately like you and want you to thrive. I want you to be with and talk with your friends and family and do well in school and be happy as much as you can. I empathize with all these things so much and I want them for you because I genuinely care. Even if it's silly I sometimes worry about you. I really don't want to be a burden on you or give the impression that I'm trying to detract from your life but want you to want to have me there, and I understand timing and what not. I know you're busy and stressed. I know you don't like to verbalize things either but I want you to know that you can, even if I chirp, seldom as it may be. I am listening.
Essentially, what I'm saying is, I'm willing to open up to you and share things BUT only if that's what you really want. I don't expect you to tell me everything about yourself instantaneously either, but I would like to know you or if you even want to let that further. For my matter, that's definitely not something that would happen overnight. But I am willing to try if it's something you actually want.
Okay. I feel uber lame sending this now. Sorry there's so much to read, I should've send the synopsis. Again, I would've rather said this in person, it seems like it's just this incoherent pointless muddle. Have fun at the play this weekend and hopefully I'll hear from you soon

REPLY:Hey you,

I appreciate the words whether they be written or verbal. I in all honesty I have not been fair to you, you have always been kind and willing to listen and I know that you genuinely want to help or care for me, but as you said I internalize, "it's called Irish guilt" so i don't open up and I try to take on the weight of the world and not ask for help I perceive it to be a sign of weakness. But that is neither hear nor there. And please do not be so hard on yourself your not a burden to me, I actually believe that I become a burden to you because of the way you feel about me, I don't think I can say the same for me. but we talk about this more later in person, you also have a great a great weekend and I'll call you on sunday and we can meet up.

[glow]

okay so the line i don't get is

I DON'T THINK I CAN SAY THE SAME FOR ME...

what does that mean, he doesn't care about me? i'm so rattled

[glow]

after re-reading his response a time to many i'm also seeing that maybe if the quotations are correct and the part that says " i actually believe that i become a burden to you because of the way you feel about me" that he's just saying that he is a burden to me?

i feel so stupid please guys help it's been 4 months and i'm so lost and sunday is 48h for me to go crazy alone

[carl1222]

I think it's a typo, glow ... He probably meant to say "I actually believe that I become a burden to you because of the way you feel about me, I don't think I can say the same for you." meaning he doesn't think you are a burden to him, reiterating what he said in the sentence before.

The literal interpretation from his email as typed ... I don't feel the same about you as you feel about me ... doesn't make much sense when followed by "but we talk about this more later in person, you also have a great a great weekend and I'll call you on sunday and we can meet up." That final sentence also shows his proficiency in typonese!

Carl.

[Bokonon]

Yeah what Carl said basically. By "can't say the same for me" I think he means that he can't say that the way he feels about you is a burden to him in the same way that the way you feel about him is a burden to you.

And to answer your last question, yes, he says he feels he is a burden to you. Interestingly enough not because of the fact that he really is a burden to you, but rather your feelings make him a burden to you, if I'm reading that sentence correctly. Slightly confusing.

Then again, it could be because I'm still reeling from the ultimate run-on, sentence #2, with four complete independent clauses strung together. It's difficult to comprehend anything when affected by the disequilibrium that such a sentence creates. I'm going to have some tea and a bath and see if I don't feel better.

[glow]

yes, there's a bucket full of grammatical error in his writing,
from that i see 2 things though, he didn't care enough to take the time to write something back or just threw something together and the fact that he doesn't say anything about caring about me in his reply when that's all my letter said bothers me.

do you think this meeting is then going to be one where he tries to salvage something, my friend said he would've just said he was over it in his reply so the fact he wants to meet in person means something but i don't know.
i slept on the matter but am still rattled as ever.
help guys?
sorry i know it's a lot ot read

[carl1222]

yes, there's a bucket full of grammatical error in his writing,
from that i see 2 things though, he didn't care enough to take the time to write something back or just threw something together and the fact that he doesn't say anything about caring about me in his reply when that's all my letter said bothers me.

do you think this meeting is then going to be one where he tries to salvage something, my friend said he would've just said he was over it in his reply so the fact he wants to meet in person means something but i don't know.
i slept on the matter but am still rattled as ever.
help guys?
sorry i know it's a lot ot read

OK, i reread everything.

Your original letter skirts the issue ... never once did you say "I like (love?) you" to him in a romantic way! You get what you give, glow, so don't expect bells and fireworks from him when you don't give him any real encouragement that it may be reciprocated. He's hedging because YOU'RE hedging ... all the passion of a business meeting!!

Listen to your friend ... it's a typo!!!

Carl.

[glow]

2 parts
but i said that i care about him a lot. i didn't even think about how that could be possibly skirting the issue.... is it not to say the big about caring a lot wanting him to thrive?
what should i say to him today in person. that i see this having some potential and i'm not asking for him to drop everything but for him to make some commitment to not even doing but genuinely wanting to make time? i think not?
this talk is making me nervous, any ideas about what to say... if it can be salvaged i really want it to

[Gigabitch]

Um, sorry to be the voice of doom, here, but the way I read it it that he doesn't reciprocate the feelings, at least not in the same intensity you feel them. I could be wrong, but you should prepare yourself for that possibility, because that's what it sounds like he said.