Getting back in the game, got the number, now what?

[daysofthenew]

I have been out of the dating scene for a couple of years. I am a 23 year-old college student, so these are my prime years but I put on a bunch of weight a few years ago, got wrapped up in classes, lost confidence, realized I was balding prematurely...and stopped dating.

I've been going to the gym on a regular basis and have lost 30 pounds (270 to 240, used to be 185 before packing on the "freshman holy s***") since February. I have my confidence back, know what I am looking for and decided that I want to enjoy these years.

This semester, I ended up in 2 different classes with the same girl. A couple of weeks in, she approached me in one of the classes and we struck up a casual, in-class friendship, some messaging on Facebook, that kind of thing. She has sent out some signals that she is interested and I have definitely been interested (cute, funny, smart - nice combination). After our last class together this past Thursday, as we were walking out of class and talking, I decided to go for it and told her that I would like to get together for a cup of coffee after finals and get to know her some more outside of class. She replied with a wide smile and a "Definitely! I'd like that." So, I have her number...and part of mind is thinking "Now what?"

Finals are over for both of us this Friday and I told her that I would call her Wednesday to set something up and that is exactly what I plan on doing. So far, so good. Looking at what we'll do, it's a college town and so I think that a cup of coffee or hot chocolate is a good start. If it's going well and the conversation is good and there's some chemistry, there are a couple of music venues and a comedy club (she's a music nut and likes to laugh, so do I) that seem like a good fit for a "getting to know you outside of class" type night.

I guess I really do have myself kind of covered in terms of the call and the situation but what I am looking for guidance in is the "if it goes well" category. If it goes well and I drop her off, should I go for a goodnight kiss? Or does the fact that this is more of a "getting to know you" type date (in my mind, although all first dates are a getting to know you event) dictate that I do something differently?
If it goes well and we decide to see each other again, is there a certain amount of time that I should plan on waiting to see her again? How much of this should I take on cue from her? I have friends who have met someone and had very good first dates and done something again the next day.

I realize that I may very well be putting the cart before the horse here but I am a guy that likes to be prepared. Any helpful hints are greatly appreciated.

[Cbrider]

There signals and things of that nature with dates and what happens next, but I'll be damned if I ever followed that handbook. You really have to go with the flow so to speak. Every person and every date will be different, you will know whether shes into you and sees your situation going somewhere. Ask her out on a second date, if she accepts you're probably good to go on a kiss goodnight.

Don't over think it, it will make you nervous and antsy which you may or may not be fighting to suppress during the date anyway.

[Cain]

A kiss can happen during any kind of date. The goal is to only go for the kiss when you know that she wants it. How do you do that? You view her body language and look for indicators of interest. You need to try and gauge whether or not she's into you. If you move in for the kiss and she pulls away, it's not the end of the world.

[Cbrider]

A kiss can happen during any kind of date. The goal is to only go for the kiss when you know that she wants it. How do you do that? You view her body language and look for indicators of interest. You need to try and gauge whether or not she's into you. If you move in for the kiss and she pulls away, it's not the end of the world.

Playing with her hair while staring at you, and touching you at all is pretty much a sure fire indicator. Theres always an exception to the rule though.

[Cain]

Playing with her hair while staring at you, and touching you at all is pretty much a sure fire indicator. Theres always an exception to the rule though.

I don't view playing with her hair as an indicator. I know of many girls that play with their hair in habit.

[Cbrider]

I don't view playing with her hair as an indicator. I know of many girls that play with their hair in habit.

Seems to always be the case with me, and by playing with it I mean they are staring at you intently, listening and playing with their hair in a noticeable way. Like I said before, exceptions to the rule so you're right sometimes also.

[Cain]

Seems to always be the case with me, and by playing with it I mean they are staring at you intently, listening and playing with their hair in a noticeable way. Like I said before, exceptions to the rule so you're right sometimes also.

How can she play with her hair in a non-noticeable way?

And what do you define as staring intently? It'd be rude for her to be looking at the floor while you're talking, so she's definitely going to be looking at you.

To me, IOIs are more like... if you stop conversation, does she try to initiate it back? If you place her hands in yours, does she squeeze?

[Cbrider]

How can she play with her hair in a non-noticeable way?

And what do you define as staring intently? It'd be rude for her to be looking at the floor while you're talking, so she's definitely going to be looking at you.

To me, IOIs are more like... if you stop conversation, does she try to initiate it back? If you place her hands in yours, does she squeeze?

For me its just one of those things I know, its easy for me to decode, but trust me theres 100 other things I can't decode for that one I am good at figuring out. He has judge for himself.

[Charlie Boy II]

Given coffee is usually a pretty brief affair, it might be an idea to have something else you can suggest if things are going well. That way if things are winding up but you both obviously want to keep hanging out you can say "hey, X is happening today, should we go nad check that out?" Something a bit more interesting than just a movie. Bonus points if it involves alcohol.

[Cbrider]

It should be obvious, but its worth noting a movie is about the worst first date you can go on. Its hard to get to know someone when you're watching a movie.

[Joe8822]

Well my opinion based on things I've read and on what I've saw in other people.

Finals are over for both of us this Friday and I told her that I would call her Wednesday

You should call her as soon as possible, she is probably waiting for your call.

and so I think that a cup of coffee or hot chocolate is a good start. If it's going well and the conversation is good and there's some chemistry, there are a couple of music venues and a comedy club (she's a music nut and likes to laugh, so do I) that seem like a good fit for a "getting to know you outside of class" type night.

Whatever you do try to keep the date for like 3-4h, try not to let the date be brief like Charlie Boy II said.

I can't make any suggestions we live in different countrys and maybie different continents so our activities are not the same.

But one rule does apply all over the world Movies and activities that do not allow eye contact, communication etc are a very bad idee.

should I go for a goodnight kiss?

Well you can get bodylanguage signals, I don't know the bodylanguage at all so I can't help maybie searching around the internet?

[carl1222]

Oh for Christ sakes (sorry God, but I bet you would agree) just enjoy the coffee! Why make a simple first date into rocket science???

That's why we guys seem so pathetic sometimes! She's a person, not an alien! News flash: she's looking for the same things in a new relationship as you are, Sheesh!!!

Carl

[daysofthenew]

Good thoughts all around. Thanks for the advice.

As a followup: I called her yesterday and left a message. I do know that she is busy through Friday, but if I don't hear back, I am thinking that I will followup on Friday or Saturday. If nothing then...I will probably just write it off. Is this a sufficient amount of time to wait for the followup?