Well, maybe not...

[Cain]

I've decided that I won't actually take a leave of absence. I'll still be around, though I won't be posting as much. There's quite a few things that I need to do and I'd like to keep myself as busy as possible. I'm planning on going back to the gym and starting my workout regimen, but it's a bit expensive between the gym membership and food for the diet I'd be on. But it'll be worth it.

I've decided to continue on with nursing until I get my two-year RN and then I'm changing my major to Biology and going to get ready to go through medical school. I shadowed an anesthesiologist once and then viewed an open heart surgery and I have to say that I don't think I'm really cut out to be a nurse. It's definitely a great field, but I think that I'm better suited to be a doctor. I'd rather be there for the surgery, do my job, and be done. I'm not really fond of taking care of the patients themselves. I don't mind them, I just enjoyed the surgeries much more and I'd rather not be a surgical nurse.

I'm still reading up on attraction. I'm not going the PUA route, but I still want to read what many PUAs suggest reading in order to get a view into other people's minds. Some books explain why people cheat, why men feel the need to plant their seed everywhere, and even why women like the "bad boys." It's all about just understanding how people work. I'll be doing that with the spare time that I have after school and work.

And regarding my dating life... I'm still working on bettering myself and I'm still going to be dating around and seeing what's out there. I'm not really sure what it is I want. A part of me wants a relationship, but I really don't want to deal with getting hurt again and I don't want to have to break a relationship off when I move back to Florida. I live about half an hour from Black, so I'll need to start hanging out over there in January after school gets back in. I'm going to need a place to crash when I get too much in me, and I need to help him get laid so he stops being a depressed little wussy.

I know that some of you have claimed that I still love my ex. I'm not really sure. I have feelings for her, and I believe that the feelings are strong enough to where it can be considered love, but I know that I am definitely not still in love with her. I do, probably, still love her though. We've been talking for about a week and things seemed to be going well. She claims to still love me and that she still misses me. She apologized for everything hurtful that she's said as well. I'm kind of approaching this with caution. I don't want to get hurt again.

We haven't committed to anything. We're taking things slow and seeing what happens. I'm not really sure if she actually wants to get back together or if she just wants to feel validated. She's told me that she wants to talk more and she's said that if we're still talking like we have been after winter break then she'd like to plan a visit in January or February. I don't mind that. It'd be good to actually get to talk to her face to face and see what's going on with her. I'm still keeping myself closed off. I'm still not really sure if we can even get back into a relationship because I don't think I'll ever be to the point to where I am sure she wouldn't do this again.

And for the record, I don't believe she did all of this because she's evil. I don't think she really knows what she's doing. I do think that she's going emotional issues and she really needs to see a therapist and try to figure out what is causing her to do what she does. But then again, after everything that's happened, I can't really say that I know anything about her anymore.

If you've got something to say, feel free. I'm accepting any comments, positive or negative. I'll respond to them all.

[TheGreek]

Welcome back. Best of luck in following your goals.

[IndiReloaded]

Do what will make you happy. Medicine is a difficult field, with lots of issues, so you have to choose b/c its what you want.

Why not transfer now, tho, rather than later? Surely your basic course credits will be useful to you.

[Cain]

Do what will make you happy. Medicine is a difficult field, with lots of issues, so you have to choose b/c its what you want.

Why not transfer now, tho, rather than later? Surely your basic course credits will be useful to you.

I can't. I'm attending a technical school for my nursing degree and the credits won't transfer. And I need to finish this nursing program in order to be able to sustain myself with a decent paying job while I finish undergrad.

I know medicine is difficult. I just think I'll be much happier in the long run having been a doctor than a nurse.

[ransom_nite]

Yes definately get back into the gym It's good as hell for you, and yeahh good luck with your goals man, hope you achieve what you wanna achieve and what not

[Charlie Boy II]

If you get back with that slut you should go and get your head examined.

[Cain]

If you get back with that slut you should go and get your head examined.

If I end up getting back with her, I blame other female friends of mine. There's been quite a few that I've talked to in order to reinforce my believe that my ex moved on from our breakup way too fast. However, I didn't hear what I thought I'd hear. Quite a few told me that they've moved on from relationships quickly. In fact, one said that she was able to move on from a relationship that ended a week later and she loved him.

I guess it's also easier for her to have moved on so quickly since she was the one that broke up with me. I don't know how she felt since I didn't lose those feelings like she had claimed to. They weren't officially dating until a month after we broke up, so I guess it's not so unreasonable anymore. I think my problem is that I expect people to take a while to recover from the breakup of a relationship. I wouldn't have moved on in a month, but I'm not like everybody else.

Of all the things that I'm angry about regarding this situation, I'm most angry about the fact that she treated me the way she did while we were broken up. I don't like how she was rude at times and how she played with my head. But as I stated earlier, I don't think she's doing this stuff on purpose. It doesn't make it right, and I'm definitely not making excuses for her. I don't like it. It's what she did while we were broken up that could cause me to not take her back. I do think she needs to see a therapist though.

[Charlie Boy II]

who cares what she did or why she did it? Just forget about her.

[Cain]

who cares what she did or why she did it? Just forget about her.

I'm at the point now to where I could walk away if I wanted, but I'm not sure if I want to yet. I do still love her and I want to see what would happen under different circumstances. As long as I don't leave myself open, I don't think it would be that big of a deal. I won't be hurt like I was before. Now, if we did break up again, I'd be partially expecting it so it wouldn't come as such a shock like it did before.

As I said when we first broke up, I wanted us to have another chance with the things that we didn't like about one another changed. I've changed myself and I know there's a few things I shouldn't have done. We'll see if she's done the same. However, I have concluded that we can't be friends. If we don't end up getting back together, I'll break off contact and tell her that it's best we not speak anymore. If we get back together and break up someday, I'll do the same. It does bother me seeing her with someone else and I feel that jealousy, so I know that I'm not able to be friends with her. Not with our history.

I'm definitely glad that we broke up though. It opened my eyes to a lot and so many of my views have changed. And I'm sure most of you that know this story from the beginning will look at me and think I'm crazy. Maybe I'd think the same toward someone if I was an outsider in this situation. It's just hard for me to cut it all off without giving us a second chance if it even goes that far. A lot still has to happen for me to gain that trust and want to get back together.

[Cbrider]

Charlie is being the outside voice of reason here, but I understand how you feel.

I broke up with my ex in September, but I still think about her a lot no matter how hard I try to block it out. On one hand I hate her for what she did to me, and the anger from that keeps me from even making eye contact with her. On the other hand I deny it, but I love her deep down, theres a person inside her that loved me at one time and for whatever reason things went south. I believe that at the core all people are good within reason. Trust is the thing I find hardest to address, I stop and think about it knowing that if my ex came to my door and said sorry for everything she did and got rid of the things in her life that drove us apart that I wouldn't be happy. Why? Because the trust can only be built with time, theres no shortcuts.

P.S. Lmao, I looked at your thread history out of boredom and came across your WoW account post. Lvl 80 Death Knight, best geared on the server hands down and holding two of the three server first titles. There has to be an end to this game.

[IndiReloaded]

You aren't the first person to give someone a second chance. Tho I agree with CB on principle, I think that you'll be far less enamoured of her if you get back to together. You'll find yourself a lot less tolerant of her antics and, unless she has sincerely changed & learned to appreciate you (doubt it), I actually predict a relatively quick breakup, this time initiated by you.

Go for it. You won't get shredded, I think. This whole business made you stronger & more bitch-resistant.

[Charlie Boy II]

But what's the point of giving her another chance? There are so many other girls out there.... what a waste of time.

[IndiReloaded]

Shrug. Never given someone a 2nd chance, CB? Ever?

Some ppl need to experience the full way through a problem to the other side before they feel they can let it go. Others can imagine, and some just turn it off, like a binary switch.

But I guarantee, once Cain breaks it off the 2nd time, it will be for good. And he'll never do it again, with anyone.

Anyway, thats my 0.02$ on the why of it.

[LadieNisha4u2nv]

Yea, I'm one for second chances as well. Some people dont even deserve it and they still get it. I believe people do change and become willing to work things out with their partners after doing something they shouldnt have done. But if this were to happen again then I'd cut it all completely no turning back.

Cain, I really wish you the best of luck with everything. I hope you pursue your dreams and become the best doctor you could be. I just may sound hypocritical here, but if you are you get back with this girl, please dont wear your heart on your sleeve. Stand your grounds and let her know whats what. And dont forget to mention therapy to her, cuz she surely needs it.

[misombra]

if somebody suggested i get therapy before they dated me i would seriously reconsider our compatibility.