Cat Destroys Relationship

[nopetlover]

Hello,

I just broke my engagement. I know this sounds so silly to you, but I'd like to hear your opinions.

I got engaged with my finacee in January. She has a cat which she loves like her child. I don't like pets and never want one. Her cat is a very needy one. She always wants to be with people. I need my quiet time so I don't want to be bothered by the cat.

My fiancee said she was going to get rid of the cat before we agreed to get engaged. Before soon after the engagement, she said she couldn't do it. Over the last year, we had numerous fights over the this cat which was worthless to me. Her cat was ill recently and she spent over $1,000 on the vet bills.

We called off the wedding and delayed trying for kids because we got stuck by the cat situation. I think she has a cat addiction and she is not afraid of losing everything for the cat. So, I decided to walk out.

Do people break up because of conflicts created by pets?

[LadieNisha4u2nv]

Wow....you broke off your engagement over a cat? You could have came to an agreement to keep the cat in another room or something before breaking off the whole thing. It CANT be that serious. Are you sure you love this girl? Cuz its that easy for you to leave her. She loves this cat. It is easier said than done to let go of something you love, no matter what it is.

[damn2008]

My ex-g/f had THREE cats...like you I am a person who has NEVER had "real" pets and I am pretty much fine going on with my life without one. It is an added responsiblity and an added expense. Plus when I meet my next s/o and take her out of town or whatever I don't want to have to rush back because of an animal. No offense to those with pets but it is VERY VERY different for those of us who have never had one nor wanted one. Personally I think cats stink the place up and it is very rare to find people who can keep their place 100% clean with cats.

I don't necessarily disagree with your decision as I am a non-pet owner myself. I love animals...but I'm not really interested in owning my own or having one to deal with. I think you discovered your hatred or dislike of the cat was more than your love for this woman (and possibly vice-versa for her) and if that is so...then you made the right decision by yourself. Obviously there are other compromises you could've made (I have a married couple who are both close friends and have 2 cats...they actually have the litterbox in the garage and made a mini-door for the cats to get to it thus...no stinky smell in the house...they also do not allow the cats in the master bedroom). It is VERY tough for people to give up things that they love but often things can make for it. I think perhaps could've sat down and had a long and serious discussion over it because breaking an engagement off over a cat is somewhat silly to me...especially if you care enough for the other person.

[nopetlover]

Before I walked out of the relationship, I realized that she would NEVER be happy without a cat or cat(s) in her life. I NEVER want to have a cat or any pet in the house. So, why should I keep her miserable or keep my life miserable?

We had numerous fights over the cat. We live in separate houses. We live in 2 separate houses. Her house is more suitable for the cat while mine isn't. We agreed to sell her house first and then buy a house together to accommodate the cat. But in this market it is not easy to sell anything. Plus, no place to put the cat during the transition.

Throughout the relationship, I felt like she was married to the cat while I was the "3rd" person, like a mistress.

I took her obession with the cat as a commitment problem. She is committed to the well being of the cat, whereas everything else is secondary. To me, I truly had a hard time accepting that.

[misombra]

asking somebody to give up their pet is like asking them to give up their child.

[Aeradalia]

Hello,

I just broke my engagement. I know this sounds so silly to you, but I'd like to hear your opinions.

I got engaged with my finacee in January. She has a cat which she loves like her child. I don't like pets and never want one. Her cat is a very needy one. She always wants to be with people. I need my quiet time so I don't want to be bothered by the cat.

My fiancee said she was going to get rid of the cat before we agreed to get engaged. Before soon after the engagement, she said she couldn't do it. Over the last year, we had numerous fights over the this cat which was worthless to me. Her cat was ill recently and she spent over $1,000 on the vet bills.

We called off the wedding and delayed trying for kids because we got stuck by the cat situation. I think she has a cat addiction and she is not afraid of losing everything for the cat. So, I decided to walk out.

Do people break up because of conflicts created by pets?

I never understood the 'animal lovers' either... I like to have pets, they can be kind of interesting, but essentially they are a lower form of life that barely missed being food because of some redeeming quality or 'cuteness.' Now that being said, most people usually have enough sense to realize that animals come secondary to people... especially fiances. She should be able to keep her cat on the condition that she will treat it as a pet and give you more respect and attention than the animal. However, I gather this is not the case... that she put you second to the cat and so you felt it was necessary for her to get rid of the cat because she was alotting to it an unhealthy amount of time, energy, and affection.

Sadly, removing the pet will not solve her obsession problem and will immediately cast you as the 'bad guy.' She will need professional help to sort out her need to place pets above people... etc. Someone with a problem like this is the last person you would want to have children with... because she may become obsessed with any child you may have and the arguments over parenting would be never-ending.

You can ask that she seek out professional help, let her keep the cat for the time being, and have your relationship more or less pause its progression until she shows signs of improvement. Or you can weigh the pros and cons of this relationship and decide if it would be better to let her go and move on.

[Lipp]

Bloody hell, others might have to get past religions, family feuds, distances and age differences, and here it's wrecked because of a cat.

Neat!

[Indignant]

I had my mom's cat put to sleep after many years of torturing myself everytime i went over to her place. I am allergic to pets.

[glow]

i had a cat and it was staying with my ex and then we broke up and we had an almost custody battle over it, though we were younger and what not. anyways, yes, cat's are like people's children, sometimes even more so like a child to them. if they've had it for a long time you can't just expect them to give it up like that. at least it's a needy cat and not a bitchy one, that's much more common.

[LadieNisha4u2nv]

I had my mom's cat put to sleep after many years of torturing myself everytime i went over to her place. I am allergic to pets.

Ok so you were ALLERGIC to the cat. I think putting it to sleep was ridiculous, but hey thats just me. He isnt allergic. He just doesnt like pets. Not a valid enough reason to call off an entire engagement. His hatred for the cat was stronger than his love for this woman obviously, cuz he left her over it. They should have came to a compromise that they both could agree on, and I believe she had only agreed to getting rid of the cat to make him happy. But if you love something do you really think it would be so easy to let it go?

I for one love cats, and if I was forced to choose between a cat and a man and he isnt even allergic to them I'd leave him. It doesnt mean I'm obsessed with cats, I just am not gonna let you control me for a reason that is not valid.

I think leaving her was the best thing you could do for her. Your selfish choice of breaking off a marriage and a family over a cat makes me think you have more growing up to do. This situation could have been handled alot better than it was.

[Dasein]

^^ Well said Ladie.

I think she is better off then with a selfish git who can't get over her cat..jealous of a cat..how very, very sad.

Btw I have never understood people who don't like animals. I LOVE animals and the type of joy they bring into your life that humans can't.

[Aeradalia]

^^ Well said Ladie.

I think she is better off then with a selfish git who can't get over her cat..jealous of a cat..how very, very sad.

Btw I have never understood people who don't like animals. I LOVE animals and the type of joy they bring into your life that humans can't.

She spent $1000 on the cat... on a creature that may live for 10 years... 15 if you're lucky. And who's to say that the money was saved up for this 'emergency.' Having an endearing pet is one thing, but having something that ties up all emotional involvement and expenses that they may not really be able to afford is another. I feel the cat was less of an issue and the priorities of the woman, and both of them failing to be on the same page was the main issue. Loving your pet is ok... but not when it interferes with your love of a s/o then you have some serious problems.

(Animals bring me a lot of joy... especially when served with mashed potatoes and green beans... .. j/k)

[Cbrider]

Sounds like theres issues on both sides here.

Shes got a seemingly abnormal attachment to her cat which is probably justified seeing as its her friend when you arn't around. She should have been able to come to an agreement with you over the cat in some form or another...we're talking a human vs. a cat.

On the flip side.....


Are you really like intimidated by Patches the cat? You felt like a "third wheel" when the cat was around....I don't even really know what to say. You need to be able to distinguish that you are not a cat and on a completely different level than this cat. Shes no gonna sleep with her cat....if she does then you're justified I guess.

Honestly, this sounds like the stupidest thing I have ever heard when it comes to a deal breaker.

[Dasein]

She spent $1000 on the cat... on a creature that may live for 10 years... 15 if you're lucky. And who's to say that the money was saved up for this 'emergency.' Having an endearing pet is one thing, but having something that ties up all emotional involvement and expenses that they may not really be able to afford is another. I feel the cat was less of an issue and the priorities of the woman, and both of them failing to be on the same page was the main issue. Loving your pet is ok... but not when it interferes with your love of a s/o then you have some serious problems.

(Animals bring me a lot of joy... especially when served with mashed potatoes and green beans... .. j/k)

I just paid $800 on a sick animal because I care and love for the animal. Just because it may live for a certain amount of time means nothing. Are you saying that a kid diagnosed with cancer who is given 2 years to live doesn't deserve care?

Of course you will resort to the humans are better argument I am sure. Maybe you should get an animal to understand. Or maybe you are incapable of love to something other than yourself.

[LadieNisha4u2nv]

She spent it on VET bills. He himself said she loves this cat like a child, so what else would she do? Hmm, maybe take care of it like a child? He sounds so jealous of the cat its not even funny. You guys are basically telling me the cat doesnt deserve to have its health helped once the bill is too high. And if so, then wow you guys are so coldhearted.