I Need Your Opinion Guys!!!

[Ms.Cruise]

I'm engaged since last July 2008. I met him last October 2007. And we have this compatibility. Were honest to each other and we share a lot things that happened in our past. By the way I live in Italy and I'm here in the USA for a visit. So I'm here for a vacation, for 3 months and i saw a lot of stuff. Knowing him better. And one time I noticed that he's sneaking on me.He's waiting that I'm sleeping and then he gonna go out to his office and surf. I got curious and I saw that he's surfing about all hot girl in CL and other site. Like strip club. And this is happening while I'm there with him. Not only once.. he's doing it everytime and everyday. I felt so angry with him. Jealous. Betrayed. And I feel like I'm that ugly even though I know myself that I'm very attractive and beautiful woman. I feel so small.So I told him about it. And he's response was " I FEEL LIKE IM BEING INVESTIGATED BEHIND MY BACK. IF I DIDN'T ANSWER YOUR QUESTION IS BECAUSE I DON'T WANT TO TAK ABOUT IT AND WHEN THAT THINGS HAPPENED I STILL DIDN'T KNOW YOU. SO MAYBE NEXT TIME YOU DON'T ASKED ME ANYMORE ABOUT A DUMB QUESTION".
So guys I really need your help here. Opinion. Why he's doing that? I can't get a straight answer from him. So maybe u guys can give an answer to me. Why guys go to a forum or CL about having a service with a provider? Even though they are already married or committed to someone?

I'm so confuse..

[vashti]

I think your English is a bit unclear.

It seems as though you are upset that your finace is checking out girls online while you are on an extended vacation in the States. Is that correct?

Most guys do this, and I wouldn't consider it an reflection on you at all. I would only consider it a problem if he does it to such an extent that it interferes with normal living.

[Charlie Boy II]

is he looking at porn sites? Or is he going to sites to arrange actual sex?

[vashti]

What is "CL"??

[Ms.Cruise]

Craiglist- Cl

[Ms.Cruise]

It's not really a porn site. Its a CRAIGLIST ADS if you know about that, Erotic services and Strip club. Forum about all the provider in the area..

[Ms.Cruise]

for vashti,
yes that's correct and i dont know why he's acting like that.

[Cbrider]

The thing that worries me is he had a hostile response to your worries.

Thats not normal for a person who loves you to do.

[IndiReloaded]

The thing that worries me is he had a hostile response to your worries.

Thats not normal for a person who loves you.

I agree with this^. You are surprised at his unreasonable response to your reasonable concern. When people lash out like this, you can bet its b/c you have 'caught' them out. I'm sorry.

[Ms.Cruise]

All I want is an honest answer, no more no less,...I understand that he's past. But still my concern is, he's still doing it, and that scare me most. I mean, I'm engaged with him and still I didn't hardly know him at all. All the secrets and past that I had I did shared with him. And everything I'm doing he knows. He control my laptop. Everything. Who's I'm talking to, I'm an open book to him. I don't know what to do....

[IndiReloaded]

Being engaged doesn't mean you give up your Self to another person. Why does he have so much control over you?

I wouldn't marry someone I didn't trust completely. You may want to rethink your situation.

[Dasein]

Sounds very fishy. He has been caught so he is on the defensive. He has some explaining to do. Otherwise I would kick him to te curb.

[vashti]

Even aside from the computer girls (which sounds sketchier by the minute), I would be more concerned about his other controlling behaviors. I really think you should reconsider marrying him. It sounds like you'd be asking for a life of heartache.

[Ms.Cruise]

Thanks guys I really appreciate all this.

[Lite]

I agree with this^. You are surprised at his unreasonable response to your reasonable concern. When people lash out like this, you can bet its b/c you have 'caught' them out. I'm sorry.

I'm not sure that it's unreasonable, it's that he's embarassed. Either because you caught him doing something he knows he shouldn't have been doing, or because you found whatever his kink is out.

Looking at porn is one thing, looking at dating sites is another altogether. The daily bit makes me think that it's some sort of habit or routine he's ahving trouble breaking. Though i'd be at a loss to explain why. On the other hand, he's obviously having trouble communicating something to you and the is something I'd be worried about if there were long-term promise to the relationship.

I'd ask him about it again, and explain that you'd like to know what's going on. Reserve judging statements until after the talk, and see how you feel after that. If you feel good, suggest some couples counseling. If you feel bad about it end the relationship and move on being grateful to have dodged a bullet.