I want to help him move on

[Nina]

how do I do that? not contacting him in any way? This is my first break up and I don't know. We've been together for 6,5 years and I broke up with him 6 months ago. He's 57 so (he says) there's no chance of finding another tho I think he has no chance of that only because of being an antisocial hater. I'm not doing good myself; my self esteem has hit bottom for doing that; I always pictured us getting married and all. He did too, he actually proposed three times; I freaked out and broke up with him. Cause I want to grow old with someone someday if Im lucky enough to meet my other half ever. But at least I ll have tried instead of wasting my years with someone that older who can't 'grow old' with me. I loved him, I rly did, I broke up cause I want to have a family, I ll be 30 in a couple of years, time goes by. Is that logical or hysterical of me?
Like I said I want to help him deal with it and move on; he hasn't come to terms with it and that's probably cause we used to have a lot of short break ups during the years so I guess he doesn't understand I mean it this time.
I hint at an email that I'm infatuated with another guy ([URL="http://www.loveforum.net/ask-male-forum/26569-afraid-approach-him.html"]http://www.loveforum.net/ask-male-forum/26569-afraid-approach-him.html[/URL]) but he just refuses to get the possibility of his little girl, as he calls me, with someone else.
He's like family and I'd like to help him deal with the break up but not stay friends or get back together. Any idea how I do that?

[vashti]

Getting over you is HIS problem. At his age, he certainly knew this relationship was not going to last, and he decided to pursue it anyway. He's a big boy - let him deal with his own shit. I doubt he reached the ripe old age of 57 without gaining some coping skills.

And you were very right to break off with him. He is way too old for you, and way too old to be a father.

[lost1976]

vashti's reply is a stupid, idiotic, heartless, ignorant response.

Love doesnt recognize age. Everyone has the right and the chance to love.

To the OP, I understand why you feel the need to break up. You want someone long term. THis is a tough one.

I am almost inclined to say that if you love him stay with him. But I cant make a convincing argument because your concerns are valid.

So if you have decided to break up, I would suggest you stay out of his way. Disappear for a while.

[vashti]

vashti's reply is a stupid, idiotic, heartless, ignorant response.

Love doesnt recognize age. Everyone has the right and the chance to love.

This part makes you sound like you are 12.

The rest of your post pretty much agreed with me, so I'll go easy on you.

[TheTooya]

Vashti is right, large age gaps can cause problems.

30 to 57.... While its better than say, 40 and 17, its still iffy...

Enough about that, though. One thing I've done, which worked surprisingly well (from what I can tell...), is politely tell your ex, 'there is no chance, whatsoever, that a relationship can ever happen again ("my feelings have changed")... '

You can even say afterword, "but we can stay friends".... just to be nice. Actually staying friends will make it MUCH harder for the guy to move on. Anyhow, how or if your ex moves on is not your responsibility. Maintaining contact will make it harder for him. :shrugs

[JasonVoorhees]

if you really loved each other , and been seriously loving each other for 5 to 6 years, then you will not be able to move on without him unless hatred comes beetween you two. if you're able to move on in this situation , then its not real love. if you real love happens for beetween1year6months to 3years, the 2people go into stage 3 of love, which is harder to move on then a heroin addict is able to cut heroin since the chemicals the brain release in stage 3 of love work at the same part of the brain where amphetamin works making you addicted to him.

science aside, if you're able to move on without him after 6years you didn't really love him, but he probably did really love you so picture him in this position... the only way an addict can heal is by not seeing/touching the drug, you're he's drug, avoid being seen by him. Instant messanging, emailing, real life. anything. stop existing for him. thats the only way he can have a chance to move on, if he's strong enough.

[lastwish]

Cease contact with him completely. I agree with Vashi, getting over the break-up is HIS problem. Strength comes from the inside, not externally.