How to make myself vanish?

[hoopuk]

Because you've gone through the denial stage and into the depression stage.

It'll get better. Keep working out.

[Lite]

Ok it has been a week since I last posted in here.
Everday has brought different feelings. I have found it quite difficult some days and other days not as bad but the bad thing is each day has been getting worse! There are so many things I just cant do anymore because it makes me feel like crap or reminds me of something.
For instance... when I walked to the commons alone I would often times call her. Well now I am just unable to take that path alone for some reason. It is weird. I have also had the urge to look at her myspace and check everything out but I know it will only hurt me. I'm really really trying to resist the urge to contact her and talk about her but it is getting extremely hard as the days go on.

I have taken up exercising and going out more. I used to be in my room the majority of the day, now Im almost always out. I made a schedule for when I work out and I have kept to that so far. I'm trying to stay active and just get through this Ive even tried to slowly get back on the dating scene. so why is it getting worse?

Keep track of how you feel each day. What you'll find is a plot of jagged lines not much unlike the stock market. You'll have dips, and low points, and high points. But what really matters is that you see a general trend pointing upwards. That is your path to healing. Regression and bad days happen. They always will. Just work to have more good days than bad steadily and you'll get to where you want to be. Then you work more to stay there or get even better.

[swargolet]

Good idea lite. When I do look back I do notice how much better it is. It just seems like this past week I have been slowly declining. I will try and keep track of it and see how it looks.

Really this whole week I have been fine until these past couple days. I just felt like breaking down. This always happens when I start to think about her happy with her new bf and how I'm sitting here sad and alone. I know I'm looking on it negatively but that is how I feel. I also go back to some of the talks we have and just feel like more crap.
One of the last talks we had she said that I physically didnt turn her on anymore. WOW! What a blow to my ego!

I know I focus too much on the past and I pick apart every little detail but that is just what I do. It isn't like I can just stop. I've been trying to keep busy so my mind doesnt do that but it is still difficult since there will always be downtime.

[swargolet]

Sorry for the double post but this is a completely different topic, and I didnt want to start ANOTHER thread.

People are still welcome to comment on my previous posts.

Lately I've been a lot more curious and open to things then I was before the break-up. Before the break-up I uesd to not drink much, I never smoked, or did drugs and I even told my ex that if she smoked pot I might break-up with her since I was against it and that I wasnt happy with her drinking a ton.
Now after the break-up I'm really not against it, Im actually considering trying some new things. I do want to try pot and maybe some other things and I really dont have a negative view on it anymore. It wouldnt be a habit more recreational.
I'm just wondering why now does this come out? I have no intention of changing for my ex so she might come back to me, it is more of a personal thing. I feel as if I havent been very open to new things and just had a blah young life. I want to get out there experience new things, meet new people, anything. Is this bad? Or is it normal?

[Lite]

Now after the break-up I'm really not against it, Im actually considering trying some new things. I do want to try pot and maybe some other things and I really dont have a negative view on it anymore. It wouldnt be a habit more recreational.

The basic question is, why would you use drugs or alcohol MORE often during a period of your life in which you're in a lot of emotional pain? Do you not feel that would be an inappropriate way to deal with your emotions?

If you want to hack your brain w/ drugs, that's your choice. I would suggest that you do it after you're over the breakup fully.

[DatWin]

If you want her back there are a few things you must do. Avoid contact unless she reaches out to you. You ever hear the expression why pay for the cow when you can get the milk for free. If you contact your ex she will hear that sad pathetic tone in your voice and deep down she will get satisfaction from it. You hanging around is like a self esteem blanket for her. She can do whatever she wants and old faithful will be waiting there. Avoid contact. Act Busy. Get out of the house and improve yourself. Fake being happy and OK without her. In the end it will drive her nuts and she will start to doubt herself.

Isn't true that people want what they can't have. I bet right now you want your ex more then when you had her. Think about it. If she thinks she can have you, then she won't.

[DatWin]

I smoked alot of pot when my girl dumped me in college. I did it so I could sleep at night. But in the end I didn't feel any better. I just became lazy and overweight. I was less attractive then before she dumped me. I say if you are going to ease your pain with recreational drugs then be aware of that it is a false resolution. In times of emotional pain you need a self esteem boost. Try new things. Improve you. Think about it. You were in a relationship. When was the last time you did anything for yourself. You have free time. No leash. Go out and do things that you couldn't before. Go on a road trip with friends. Crash a sorority party. But be social. That social interaction will lead to increased self esteem which in the end will resolve your deep emotional pain you are feeling now. In a few months, you'll have moved on and she'll see a new improved you and the ball will be back in your court. You probably won't even want her back then. But it will feel good when she is desperate to take you back.

I did that to my girl. once I realized that I was turning into a pothead and looking like a fat turd I got my act together. I had a crazy summer. My friends and I tore up the town. Went on crazy adventures, and I even met this smoking hot younger girl. I stopped calling my ex and through the grape vine she was running into people and asking about me. When they said I was doing great and was seeing someone else it drove her crazy. She was abroad in Florence and was sending me Coldplay Cd's and asking me to listen to tracks that made her think of me. How the shoe had turned. Pathetic right and it felt real good. Is that a little sick and sadistic, maybe but I was a wreck for a long time. I deserved that moment and so do you.

[swargolet]

Well I'm not trying to get her back. If it happens good, but I'm not going to try anything. Hell I'm not going to waste my time trying and trying because all that will do is prolong the pain.

As far as the other things go. Ya I do agree that I'm doing it a little because of the break-up. I havent done anything yet, just considering it. I am trying to do some more positive things such as exercising and getting out more with friends but I dunno. I just want to try new things. I wouldnt become a pothead and crap like that.