2 parter

[Zilla80]

eeeeeeeeeeeeey.

Quick back-story: Girl I am now friends with. Very pretty girl. Similar interests. In a few months (5) we will be away in another country for several weeks. Girl had boyfriend when I met her. I toned (hehe get it) things down out of respect for the relationship. I made girl to be just another girl (in my head). Girl and boyfriend broke up in mid Dec '08. Attraction for girl has since sky-rocketed.

Part 1:

How long is recovery time after a relationship? Relationship was a long one (saw pictures from March '06). 1 month I don't think she is ready for anything. But, in your experiences, when are you (on average) ready? Obviously it's very different and personal, so is there any way to detect when it would be appropriate for me to try to sliiiiiiiiide on in? Or is this strictly one of those "feel her out" situations?

Part 2:

Mentioned the trip in several months. Would hate for that to be an awkward trip due to making things somehow uncomfortable. Really wish the trip were sooner because I am sure it would work to my advantage. Problem is with the trip so far away (5 months), and a girl as pretty as she... high probability she won't stay single long (only for as long as she chooses). If it weren't for the trip I would have no problem with (potentially) making a fool of myself, however, I don't want to ruin it with awkwardness for either one of us.

Collecting opinions... ready... go!

[Charlie Boy II]

Do you think you have a realstic shot at her?

[vashti]

Wow, I am stumped.

All I can tell you is (in case she was the one that broke off with him) women tend to leave men emotionally long before they leave them physically, so she may be readier to move on than you think. But ugh! Your trip complicates things a thousand-fold.

If he broke off with her, I'd be careful.

[misombra]

well the trip is a few months away so there's time for her to either get over it, even if it's just some, or get back together with him. it's also enough time for her to develop feelings for little ol' you! where are you going?

[damn2008]

It can really vary per relationship. I've had friends who are ready to move on after long relationships within a few weeks and I've friends who broke up with their ex's, remained friends and played the on-off game for OVER A YEAR.

You might want to just gauge the situation for a little before you make a decision. She might not be over her ex- or they might still be in contact. It becomes a mess and the girl carries the baggage.

[Gigabitch]

There's a lot to be gained by being cautious, I think, but don't try to just be a "friend". Make you interest clear, lest you end up you-know-where. You could tell her you're not interested in being a rebound guy, straight up, and that's the only reason you haven't asked her out already. There's no need to pretend.

[IndiReloaded]

Well, I agree with Vash, if she broke w/him, chances are she 'left him' well before that.

Can you describe what you mean by 'friends' a bit more, just to address CBs question? Is she showing any signs of interest in you?

I think I would ask her to go w/you for lunch, or coffee. Talk to her and guage her interest. Ask her, gently, about her ex and see if she will open up to you. If signs are go, then I say go with Giga's advice and ask her out asap. Let us know what she says, based on that, can figure out how to proceed.

I wouldn't worry about the trip. It would only be awkward if you were a creep, and you aren't, so no matter what happens things will be okay. But if she's a hottie, you definitely want your offer 'tendered' asap before some other guy hustles in.

[starbuck]

Why are you worried about the trip? I'm assuming you guys are going together, and don't want it to be awkward? I'm not really sure it's that much of a concern because it's only a couple of weeks, right?

As far as time it takes to get over an ex, it really depends on the woman and the ex. Why did they breakup? If a guy did something really horrible, like cheated, it might take her longer to build up trust in someone again. But if it was just a matter of him not being a good match for her, she may be ready to date again.

I agree with all about trying not to be a friend to her or a shoulder to cry on. That may end you up in the zone. The best way to avoid this would be to ask her out and insert yourself into her life as someone who wants to romance her. Just go slow with her.

[Zilla80]

Okay.

Here's what happened.

Things have been cool lately, we had to go to a museum for a school project, just the 2 of us. We had a good time together. Today in class after I was giving another girl a lot of attention she pulled out this brochure and we wrote a few notes back and forth on it (middle of lecture). She could have just wanted to show me the brochure though so I didn't make too big a deal out of it.

After class I walked with her in the complete opposite direction that I needed to go and to make matters worse my bladder was about to explode. I had to pee so bad but I wasn't gonna let that stop me.

So we were just talkin about random stuff and I told her how when I first saw her I thought she was gonna be completely different but then told her "Yeah but you turned out to be alright I guess..." in a playful way. Here's how the rest of the convo played out:

Me: Well I know you just got out of a relationship..
She started smiling and said: We're still dating kinda..
Me: Oh is that right? Well I think it would be cool if at some point we could get to know each other a little better.. outside of school functions.
Her still smilling: Maybe.. we'll see
Me: Well I have one more confession, I actually didn't park over here and I need to be going this way (pointing the opposite direction)

She just laughed and I gave her a playful nudge and said "see ya later"

I then went back to the building we came from to piss and went to work.

[carl1222]

Is there a question here somewhere?

[misombra]

that's good. you got your foot in the door. no chance of going to the friend zone after this. she knows you're on her.

[Zilla80]

Yup. That's what I wanted to accomplish. Just to assert myself as someone looking for more than friendship.

If something happens, cool.

If not, oh well.

Is there a question here somewhere?

Well carl1222 I initially asked for opinions on the situation, as evident in the initial post, and just did a follow-up post consisting of me taking the advice given.

[bluesummer]

Hey, well at least she said 'maybe'. It's better than no.

A girl's 'maybe' in this case generally means one of two things:

1. No chance, but I'm not going to say that because it's mean.
2. You have a shot. I'm just waiting to see what direction to go in.

Good on you for establishing your interest though. Otherwise you might have been headed for the dreaded 'friend zone'. Is it just the two of you going on this out of country trip, or are there other people going too? What is the reason for this trip?

[Zilla80]

There's other people going.

It's a 4 week trip related to school.

[Everlovin]

U should have slapped her ass when you parted ways.

When you hang out with this chick, make sure you touch her. Touch her low back when you want to guide her, touch her arm or hand casually when you make a point about something.

If you have some really hefty balls go right in and kiss her when the two of you are alone...even if you have the feeling that she may not want you to kiss her.

Don't worry if you do something that she doesn't like, she will tell you, and if that happens it doesn't mean things between the two of you are over.

Trust me on this Tone, you have to escalate things with her. I am not saying be a rapist or a stalker but you must physically communicate your interest with her...especially since she is a little caught up on her last bf.

Best of luck to you bro.